My praise is being able to overcome and begin to Fast Facebook. I’d like to share HOW my HH helped me let go of my fear to move forward. Also to share a little about how the hurdle I had to overcome and the blessings He has blessed me with since I was able to let go and moved closer to being His bride. *I definitely felt a weight lift from me when I deactivated my facebook account, since I used to find my identity in managing my husband’s business which included social networking and updating everything that pertained to the brand. So it has been a stronghold for me that I have been battling against since we broke up to “check on him” and the more I snooped looking for evidence that he has changed or if I’m being honest with myself, a reason for me to quit wanting restoration, I would find it, and it hurt, like re-opening a wound every week.
So unhealthy to be moving forward and getting excited by what God was showing me and the Holy Spirit was leading me through and then BAM! There I go again falling for the same trap of temptation to check, through a post of a mutual friend, which would invariably lead me back to looking at his personal pages.
It was also linked to a lot of self-loathing that the enemy loves to keep me feeling like a failure. So I knew it had to stop and I have been praying for help to stop, praise God that even when I have been caught in this pattern I am not condemned by Jesus, His word never changes and His mercy and grace have left me feeling more loved that I can run to Him. I haven’t checked for the past week, I am looking forward to being rid of this desire once and for all to keep tabs on my husband.
I know how hard it is to totally surrender yourself to God, especially if you’ve been living in survival mode trying to salvage a marriage by yourself in your own strength and desperately crying out to God to save you and your marriage. Let go, as much as it really seems to be impossible, don’t try to keep control or argue your way back into your marriage by reasoning with your husband. When they are running away as fast as they can from God, they are going to run away from you too.
The crazy thing is, when you finally come to the end of yourself and want to quit is the time when Jesus will be closest to you, it says that He is near the broken hearted, and I know this to be the case for me! Without Him, this past 5 months would have been impossible. He has told me to dream again, to accomplish goals for myself, to see myself the way He does, to know Him on a deeper level and to follow Him.
I am honestly thankful that my husband and I broke up, if we hadn’t I would have probably still been drifting along as a lukewarm Christian in a very unhappy marriage who had a lot of self-hate and anger. Praise God that He didn’t want to leave me that way!
I don’t know what my future is, I have asked for restoration as I had no peace in going after a divorce, but I am at the point where I really want God’s will to be done and my husband to turn his heart back to God.
Matthew 6:33-34 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I also want to thank you so much for providing these resources to me and so many hurting and broken women like myself. I started this course over a month ago on my 8th wedding anniversary to try and keep myself focused whilst I was hurting so much from not hearing from my husband. Just being able to come online with the purpose of studying God’s word and promises for me and to not just feel like I was in this battle alone, is something I am truly grateful for.
When I found out about this ministry was after I had been separated for just over 3 months, My husband had already moved back to the States, I was searching for a job and living with my parents feeling pretty sorry for myself. Praise God he led me here.
Thank You Father for loving me through all of this craziness, sometimes I have wanted to quit, but You haven’t let me give up! Thank You for enabling me to find resources that could help encourage me during this time. As always I need You!
Dear friend, I hope that this time helps you as much as it did me, to refocus and see how God really loves you and will never turn His back on you.
~ Esther of Wales