Make HH Your Only Priority
Abigaelle, how did your restoration actually begin?
God is great, He is powerful—make Him your only priority—give Him control over your life and He will restore joy and peace to your heart.
In July, my husband of 24 years left us, saying that he did not want to be with me and my 4 children, that he was going to live with his sister and brother in Boston and that he was going to work there. He wanted to have contact with the children only but he did not want to know or have anything to do with me, and he told me that only God would know if we should get back together.
When he left, it really hurt, I was constantly crying, I did not understand why it was happening to me. I went to church, I tried to do what I thought was right in the eyes of God. My husband did not work here, he could not find anything, so I worked 2 jobs to provide for the family. I controlled all the expenses, but my second paycheck was for his own expenses. I was the one making all the decisions as a couple, not leaving any room for him.
I was angry with his sisters, his brother, and his mother for having offered him to come and live with them and to have broken up my home. Whenever I was calling, my husband was cold, angry. He called rarely or only to ask for money, because when he had left, he had asked me to support him until he found a job. I had to ask the children to call their father since they did not want to; I thought I was doing the right thing.
One day while I was afflicted with all this pain, I went on the internet and I typed “marriage restoration” and this brought me to find the help I needed, your site. I followed the courses that were given but without completing the forms at the end. Overall it helped me better understand that it was not the fault of everyone else, but my fault. God wanted to show me how I was rebellious, controlling, how full of myself I was, and also about my relationship with God. I was anything but a submissive woman; I was nothing like the virtuous woman in Proverb 31.
Then one day while surfing, I found myself on your site, but this time in English. I then re-did the same process, but with more discipline in completing the forms and submitting the praise reports. I also bought the books "A WISE Women" and a "Worker at Home." I also followed the courses more closely and so I got even closer to God. I also decided that I needed to tithe, overcome that fear, which would mean the devourer wouldn’t steal from me and our family anymore.
How did God change your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly Abigaelle?
God is really great! He showed me how I wasn’t perfect in His eyes. At every reading, every testimony I read, I recognized myself, and that’s how God transformed me. I became calm, serene. I asked forgiveness for my rebellion, for not being submissive in my marriage, for all the things I did to irritate my husband in his role as a family leader. I realized that my relationship with him was not a priority, that my “air” took up the whole place. I put the advice of Erin in place—and, I let go. I wasn’t calling my husband anymore, I let him call, while I prayed constantly.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Abigaelle did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I started cleaning and rearranging the house and to also get rid of things. I resigned from a job and chose to stay at home to take care of my children. I began to make food and pastries regularly. Even my children began to participate in household chores; the atmosphere was lighter and calmer.
In addition, I no longer made any decisions about the children; they had to ask their father for permission to go out. When he asked me to do things, I no longer murmured within myself. Even when I disagreed, I always sought the support of God in all things. Finally, I’d put order back in my life and in my house. Everything changed.
Abigaelle, what were the most difficult times that God helped you through?
The most difficult moments were at the beginning when I spoke to my husband and I could feel the coldness in his heart. I had the impression that this man who had loved me, now hated me and he could no longer even stand me. Then when he wasn’t calling the children either, it really began to hurt. Every time I hung up the phone I was crying. I was very discouraged and at times I doubted my restoration. I wanted to give up, and continue my life alone.
But every time, God brought me back to His word, or I was reading a testimony that strengthened me to continue.
What was the “turning point” of your restoration Abigaelle?
The turning point happened the week before my husband's return, it reminded me of the beginning. When I spoke to him, he was again cold and I still felt his anger and I saw that he was angry with me.
Previously I had really let go of his behavior and it did not affect me anymore, but it had been awhile since my heart was at peace with the situation. Then the week of his return, I began to cry, to doubt again and to be afraid that he was going to come back and that I would not be ready for that. I even asked God to drop our restoration that I did not want it anymore, but God is faithful and every time He calmed down my panicking heart and gave me positive thoughts.
Tell us HOW it happened? Abigaelle, did your husband just walk in the front door?
The day before my husband arrived, I had clean the house, especially my son's room that was really messy and which I had asked him to clean himself for a long time. It was actually one of the reasons why my husband had left, he found the kids were messy in their bedrooms.
On the day of his arrival, I went out early in the morning to bring my daughter to her basketball game, then I stayed out, I did not go home. I then went to see the game of my other daughter at the end of the day. After her game we went to the restaurant with my youngest and my oldest daughter.
We were in the car and we were laughing. The atmosphere was really nice and when I approached our parking lot, I noticed my husband's car. I was in shock, my heart panicked, as did my oldest daughter, while the youngest jumped for joy in the car. He had not said he would come, he just arrived without any hint of returning.
Abigaelle, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Yes, now that I think about all this. The week before I had read the lesson that told us that when we live frustrations and that doubts come back, that we asked ourselves questions on the restoration no longer wanting it, it means that restoration is very near.
When I looked at my week prior to his return, I had really been shaken at all levels, but I had kept my eyes fixed on God at all times and He gave me peace on every occasion.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you?
All the books and videos that I have read and seen are resources that are essential to get through this ordeal.
How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and the Be Encouraged videos helped me better understand the relationship God wants me to have with Him, which is what restoration is all about.
Abigaelle, do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?
Everything is possible to the one who believes!!
Do not worry about anything but in all things, make your needs known to God through prayers and supplications with thanksgiving.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women?
Yes
What kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion Abigaelle?
God is great, He is powerful—make Him your only priority—give Him control over your life and He will restore joy and peace to your heart.
Nothing is impossible to God, we must just surrender to Him and have faith that He will act in His time, not ours.
