My Only Refuge
Vanessa, how did your restoration actually begin?
I’ve been a Christian since I was little. My husband and I had been together for 7 years and he became the love of my life, my first boyfriend. After many months of arguments, setting my eyes on someone else and leaving my home for over two months, in search of my “dreams” in the show business, living in a friend’s house, my husband fell in love with someone else due to my stubbornness.
Thanks to the prayers of my husband, family and friends; even despite my husband didn’t love me anymore, God turned my heart and made me realize the grave mistake I was making. Repentant, I asked my husband for forgiveness and to allow me to come home and he did. Everything was fine the first few days, but I was still contentious, nagging him and filled with pride and the pain knowing he was in love with another woman would torment me. My relationship with God wasn’t the best and I still harbored desires to continue my artistic career; something that I now know caused the slow detriment of my marriage.
Living together again, my husband told me he couldn’t see me as a woman again, but like a sister and a friend, but not as a wife. This hurt me so much, and this was the point in which God placed in my heart a desire to seek Him if I wanted my marriage to be restored. I had already asked the Lord for forgiveness but I was unable to forgive myself, regret tormented me.
Desperate, I started searching for restored marriage testimonies online, praying to God for direction to find the right resource. I found Restore Ministries and the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. That’s when I started to read the Bible with a passion, my soul was shattered, and I cried, feeling desolated, feeling that if my husband didn’t love me again I would die.
But I didn’t give up, I kept reading the RYM book, and then God showed me that I needed to focus in my relationship with Him, my HH. The first few weeks were hard because I kept pursuing my husband and he kept rejecting me. I found a prayer partner when I asked God for one. I also decided to fast half a day.
I went back to church after many years and was given the privilege of serving in the worship ministry. It was at that point where things started to intensify and me and my husband decided to sleep separately. Those were hard days. My heart was hurting and I cried a lot. Doubt crept into my mind and I wanted to quit and fly to a different state, to my aunt and uncle’s house. But God didn’t let that happen, He kept me standing through the trial with my heart focused on Him. I kept praying, reading, fasting, seeking God’s Word before anything else.
At the beginning I made the mistake of telling everyone about my situation, seeking refuge and help. It wasn’t until I understood that God was my only refuge that I turned to Him. Then on a Saturday, when I fasted the entire day, I asked Him to remove this affliction and that I wanted to see Him as my only Source of peace and joy, my only Refuge, my Father, my HH, my Friend.
That afternoon was the last time I cried from pain. My HH gave me the opportunity to bless a friend who was going through something similar, with a broken heart and gravely ill in the hospital. God brought His Word to her life through me, I prayed for her and after that, God restored an incomprehensible peace within my heart. Though my mind knew I was having problems, my spirit was at peace. From there on His peace has not left me and I asked my HH to remain in me. From that day forward my relationship with my HH became closer than ever and I started to know my God of the impossible.
Things at home were in bad shape, I still slept in a different room from my husband. I prayed that if it was His will my husband would ask me to get back together. I felt that was impossible because my husband had so much pride and always kept telling me that he couldn’t forget what I’d done. He had forgiven me but he couldn’t forget it. As I continued praying, I found a book that told about the importance of praying for our husbands and to turn to God with our requests instead of complaining to them.
I finished reading the Restore Your Marriage book and found the resource of taking the courses and it was there where I found more testimonies that I could study. I spoke with my pastors and they told me not to give up and to fight for my home. A beloved aunt of mine and who is one of my teachers of faith since childhood, prayed for me and prophesied about my life and my husband’s life. She told me that God was going to use us both to minister and to restore marriages, and to minister to youth and instruct them towards a good future marriage. Even after this beautiful promise from God, fear and doubt crept in, but I always asked God to forgive me and to help me overcome it. I’ve always asked Him for the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me the victory in Him.
To God be the glory, and to my surprise, God allowed my husband to seek me out on Thursday morning when he came to ask me to sleep with him, something he’d always denied me. He hugged me and asked me for forgiveness, and told me he loved me. I couldn’t believe it, I thanked God and cried from happiness. My husband made a commitment with me and said that I could be at ease for he’d be with me to respect me.
It hurts that my husband’s heart is still in pain as he confessed his fear to me when he gave me his heart again; he’s afraid of going through this again. But at the same time, he told me not to worry, that we can get through this with God’s help. I know there’s still things to change in each of us, and that maybe attacks from the enemy will get worse, but I’m not afraid because God is with us. I don’t think I’ll ignore any open doors to get my blessing stolen again. HE is the center of my life and my help.
Also, I want to keep going with my courses because my longing is to be an instrument in God’s hands to bless other families. This world is being destroyed through family disintegration; bad advisors and therapists are accelerating separations instead of repairing or restoring. I’m convinced that the only One Who restores is my God, it’s HIM, our HH.
My dear brother or sister, don’t give up, when the storm gets stronger, then your miracle is just around the corner. Continue holding onto your HH hand and turn your faith and life over to Him.
Now I know that God allowed this to open my eyes and show me His perfect bidding. I argued a lot and wouldn’t accept the biblical commandment that women have to submit to their husbands, I was a feminist. I said I loved God but how could that be when I didn’t obey His commandments? But glory be to God because He opened my eyes and told me His order, the Lord is the head of my husband, my husband is my authority and I am his helpmeet.
Fight for the treasure of your life’s most precious ministry, your family by turning your heart to your HH. The enemy is always striving to tempt us and destroy our homes, because he knows that he won’t be only destroying the couple but also the children, family members and friends. God wants you to be certain that He wants to restore your marriage. He wants us to be whole in Him. Families are a representation of His kingdom.
Let’s carry on firmly towards our goal. If God is for us who can be against us?
How did God change your situation Vanessa as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
The change was instant. His peace was restored in my heart the instant I decided to rest in His hands completely. When I stopped pursuing and controlling my husband. When I stopped wanting to fix things by myself. I want to live like this forever. I love You my HH.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Vanessa, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
He must be first in our lives.
The importance of seeing the trunk in our eyes instead of the straw in the other person.
To serve His kingdom.
The order of the home, the authority that God has given our husbands over us women.
To pray when something bothers, to present my cause before God, instead of seeking other people.
Prayer is more effective than a thousand complaints or words to the one who offends.
To forgive and to be forgiven.
Nothing is impossible to God.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Vanessa?
I felt completely alone. In this country, I have my husband’s support and his family. My immediate family is in my country of origin and I have relatives that support me but they live in a different state. The more alone, abandoned and unworthy I felt, He picked me up with His love and filled me with peace.
Vanessa, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Turning my life completely to God and seeking to obey Him. That was a decisive moment for the change in my life.
To use the tools God left us for spiritual warfare, because it is not against flesh but against principalities and powers. Prayer, His Word, fasting. The power to bind and untie was given to us through God’s Son.
Tell us HOW it happened Vanessa? Did your husband just walk in the front door?
My husband called me and asked me to return to our bedroom. We were living together but our hearts and bedrooms were apart. Curiously, ever since I started to pray for him, he started to get tense and uneasy. I think this was the Holy Spirit telling him the correct thing to do was to forgive me and fight for this. There was a big oppression of pride and belief of one’s judgement, a wrong idea of forgiveness, that I know God wants to work with in his life now that He’s got my heart.
Vanessa, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
No, on the contrary, I was afraid this would take months to work out. My case is peculiar being that generally is the man who fails, in this case it was me. But against all odds, God is continually restoring. There were people who said they’d change their mind about God if we fixed our situation. I think this will be a great testimony that will change not only our lives but that of many.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Vanessa?
Of course I would. These resources have been a miracle from God to my life. Undoubtedly God made this project spring out of Erin’s heart.
Do you have favorite Bible verses Vanessa that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?
“Commit your way to the Lord,Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Psalm 37:5
“For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry, and He will say, ‘here I am.’ If you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of finger and speaking wickedness.” Isaiah 58:9
“Then He said to me, “Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words. But the king of the kingdom of Persia was withstanding me for twenty-one days... ” Daniel 10:12–13.
“All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. For Your name’s sake, o Lord, pardon my iniquity, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way he should choose. His soul will abide in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land. The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know His covenant. My eyes are continually toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net” Psalm 25:10–15.
“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” Proverbs 27:15-16
“Many seek the ruler’s favor, but justice for man comes from the Lord.” Proverbs 29:26
“There is no wisdom and no understanding and no counsel against the Lord. The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but victory belongs to the Lord.” Proverbs 21:30-01
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Vanessa?
Yes
Either way, Vanessa, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Do not fear, though it doesn’t seem like it and you feel alone, God is holding your hand and has complete control over your situation. He’s always on time. He allows us to go through the desert because it’s the only way in which we’ll turn to Him completely and know Him in ways we couldn’t have imagined. God wants to prepare you to be a blessing to others.
IS YOUR Marriage RESTORED? Are you not sure?
