I Caused a Lot of Pain and Hurt


♕ Today's Promise: "Seek the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

~Arabella in Canada

☊ PRAISE Audio

Well, some may find my praise report odd. But as I sat with the LORD and read the lesson in course 2 "crisis corner." I knew that the LORD had it all aligned and is teaching me that I must lean on him and no other. As much as I wanted to tonight reach out to another human voice, behind my tears i started to call out to the LORD. I simply said, "I do not understand." LORD do you want me to continue trusting for a restored marriage? Countless times over the last coupe of days i have said, "I give up, I give it to you LORD."

You see 2. 5 months ago i found RYM (Restore Your Marriage) after a plea on my knees to the LORD to do something different. What I was doing was not working, chasing, pursuing, having a prayer team praying fervently for my EH (earthly husband) to be set free from his sin, even asking for family nights every month and showing up as much as possible at his home. And then I found RYM. I started the course and started applying the principles right away and tithing everything that came in to my store house, and as scary as it was I let go of my church and began ministering as well to my children at home! Wow! I also let go of my prayer team as it became evident that most of the woman did not have the faith as I did and most were divorced and remarried but I saw them as woman "prayer warriors," who we're going to pray my husband home.

I started to let go! and I stopped calling and texting my husband... At first he kept texting and wondering what was happening (all about the children) but I just stopped and I stopped controlling and arguing everything! I then let go of my prayer team and nestled into the LORD. Still a journey of molding!

I knew that my husband was still involved with the OW, and I knew months prior I resisted giving him a divorce. You see I was the one who left and had an affair. Yes I have healed, yes I feel forgiven. but I know I caused a lot of pain and hurt in my EH (earthly husband). After reading "facing divorce," I knew that the LORD was tugging on me to let my EH know I had released my lawyer and that I would not contest the divorce if he wished to move forward. As I had used this to tell him why he could not go through with it (bad controlling wife).

I wrote him a kind loving letter just as Erin suggests mid August. And I heard nothing about the divorce until only last Saturday. I thought maybe he was softening as he bought me a beautiful gift with the children for my 40th birthday. Was I shocked that morning when I opened my email and read the email that he said he would be filing along with very kind words that I was a great mother and he can see how dedicated I am to the children, whereas before I was not... foolishly pursuing a masters degree..

Well he said that he does not want to serve me and would rather me save the money and go in to be served.

I told him that I was at peace with it all and said I would respect what he has asked and go in to be served and would also not contest and lose by default as I had shared months earlier. I said I trust him to be fair as he always had been. And that was it...

I will admit the last few days have been difficult, as I wonder what will happen next. "I will not fear evil tidings, for my heart is fixed on the LORD."

I am praising due to my strengthened relationship with the LORD the thing I feared, fought and tried to control I was so easily able to let go and bless him, going so as far to tell him I will go into the lawyers office and be served so that he will save the 250$ in serving me.

Also the LORD has absolutely blessed me with a renewed and retried relationship with my in-laws which I never thought possible and I am going over next week. I need to make right the wrongs I have done. Amending the past.

"Seek the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

For my whole life due to my own wounds I have sought internal happiness through external things. Alcohol, drugs, and affair, clothes, a big house, my EH (earthly husband) affection.

Now I know exactly where the source is to complete a full wholeness. Connecting to the source, my HH (Heavenly Husband) has been the absolute best thing that has come out of this painful mess.

Thank you LORD. You know the desires of my heart, Your way, Your timing, Your will.

Arabella is a tithing partner. Learn more.
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