♕ Today's Promise: “And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat, Than was needed to make it pure." Malachi 3:3
Dear Brides, I don't know about you, but while reading this [Living the Abundant Life] chapter, “Small as a Man’s Fist”, I had one of those "wow, yes Lord !" moment. Dig into it, and let Him refresh your mind. I never knew about that principle of "the tiny cloud". It is entirely new to me. I knew about praising the Lord even in the midst of trials (I have read Merlin Carothers books). Actually my spirit is dancing right now, because it takes a level of faith and trust in our Heavenly Father to do that. Level that I love and long for. I am not there yet, but I know I want to get there. I want to be able to see the tiny cloud and believe that the torrential rains are ahead !!!
I am in the midst of a huge, deep, gigantic financial crisis. I have nothing. I have nothing is even an understatement. Account is overdrawn, bills are not paid, car is threatening to breakdown. Not able to buy a new bed, or a new car seat for my baby, I mean, wow, it is hard! My family and lodging government service led us to think that we would have about 800 euros per month for so so reason (it was one of my praise reports). They called us to tell us that it was a mistake, we are entitled to nothing. earthly husband was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, so he is not working for two years now, has barely any income, and I am out of a job. I think I can not make a clearer picture of the situation 🙂 Yet, two things happened. Two tiny clouds happened and I did not grab them to start praising the Lord and believe that the rain was coming. IRS refunded us some money, and with what they refunded, our account was still deeply overdrawn. So I thank and praise the Lord, but that was this tiny, shy praising and not the ones that said "Yes Lord, it is coming !!!!!". That was one of those praise who said "I am shaky and not that confident even though I am trying but I am scared".
The second thing that happened was that I had a meeting with the ministry this week. I was told that I could work for them. I have asked my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Husband to be able to find a job that will let me stay home. A job that will enable me to take care of my family and house, and not go outside. A job that will bring me joy and satisfaction. Yet, the enemy stole my peace and my joy immediately. I barely had a day to rejoice, and he said "this job is not enough, I will never be able to pay my bills, it is not a real job, I have to go get a real job, how could I provide for my family with this job". I confessed that I battled hard this week not to fall in the pit of despair. Were not those nice tiny clouds, I could have hold on to ? I failed to do that.
It is all about being hopeful and faithful. It is so easy to give up and fight in the flesh. I actually have no strength to fight. Even if I wanted to give up, where would I go, and what would I do ??? How do you even go back ???
Interestingly enough, these last two days, my Heavenly Father dealt with me and reminded me of something. At this point of my journey, I was thinking I was "cruising". I don't think I was self righteous, yet I was thinking that I reached a certain level that will not enable me to fall back into some sins. You know what, as I told you finances storm hit hard. Then the car broke down and earthly husband said he has to see his friend who knows a little mechanic. This friend is his marriage witness, yet the Lord turned his heart and he and his wife loathe me - psalm 88-8. At the beginning of my journey - before knowing RMI and reading RYM - I did the huge mistake of running to them and begged them to talk some sense into my earthly husband. They turn their back on me and never talked to me since. Instead they invite earthly husband sometimes 2 or 3 times a week ever since. There is no other woman I am aware of, but there is this couple, that I have to forgive and pray for as if there were the other woman, because it feels the same :). So he spent once again the night there. Me, who was thinking I reached a certain level, pffff, I started feeling resentment so hard for him, I was surprised at myself. I cried out to the Lord that I don't want him anymore, I fought so hard not to give him the silence treatment when he came back the next day.
Wowwww. The Lord taught me the hard way that I need HIM to love, I need Him to breathe, to speak, to stand, to do things. I can not BE, I can not DO ANYTHING, not even LOVE without HIM. Believe me I am still crying up to now, because I was like, "wow it could be so easy to fall back". FAITH and TRUST is all I have because I am not able. I don't have it.
I need You. I can't BE without You.
Dear brides, I love this chapter !!!! It is life changing !
“And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat, Than was needed to make it pure." Malachi 3:3
Although right now what I am going through seems too heavy and difficult for me to go through, I know that the Lord I serve is fair, loving, caring, honest. He knows exactly what I can go through. I trust and Love Him.
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