What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Flora, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
Flora, how did your restoration actually begin?
I have been a Christian since I was 13 and I considered myself a good wife. My husband and I always had a lot of involvement in the church, first with Youth Ministry, for which I was a leader for 3 years and then with a well known Marriage Ministry which we were also leaders in training. Unfortunately, the fact that we did the other MM courses 3 times did not prevent my husband betraying me 3 times (in 2 years) and it all happened right under my nose. I am 31 years old, I had been married for 11 years.
The first time he cheated was with an employee of our small retail store. I trusted too much that we were invincible and I ended up opening a giant gap for my life to be turned upside down (at the time he also confessed to me that he had gone out at least once with an ex-girlfriend). The consequences were terrible because the husband of OW “other woman” was a drug trafficker and threatened us for more than 6 months. I was devastated but on that occasion, my husband repented promptly, said he had no feelings for her and begged me to forgive him. There were moments of so much intense pain, but I forgave him.
At the time I told him we were called to be shepherds, so he, being threatened, I think is why he was more pressured to repent for fear of dying at the hands of the OW husband. This is when my husband, was, at last, more knowledgeable of the Word, so we began to get more and more involved in the church, to hear more and more or the Word and the pastors directed us to work with the ministry of couples because they knew of our testimony.
Although we still had quarrels and arguments, which I thought were normal in a marriage, I believed that this sort of betrayal would never happen to me again. We were heavily involved in a marriage ministry and God also opened the doors for us to open a restaurant in a wonderful area of our city. I thought everything was so good. That first year everything was fine. We had almost a dozen employees and an amazing cook. Our pastor’s wife needed work, so we hired her. That’s when things went badly, she was super lazy and I was not happy with her work. Then one day my husband came and told me: fire her. But instead, not knowing I was commanded by God to submit, I, in my rebellion and innocence, wanted to give her another chance. She thanked me for my kindness and wanted to be my friend. Soon I planned to promote her to be the manager of our restaurant. Incredibly everyone distrusted her and it was only me who did not see what was happening. The promotion was just two days before I found her sleeping in my home. She said she had a quarrel with her husband and I just felt very sorry for her. Then the terrible day came, which I never imagined I would live again.
An employee told me that she was sleeping with my husband. I was already devastated. Once I got home my husband came and confessed (he was accompanied by our MM leaders), but I said I would not go through this again and kicked him out of the house.
Brides, I spent four terrible days, due to my not forgiving “seventy times seven” as God says we must. It led to my husband packing up and then he went and spent two nights with her in a hotel. Of course, I found out, and sent him a message telling him to come and get his things. We were over. He wouldn’t answer my text waiting to see what I was going to do next.
How did God change your situation Flora as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I began to seek God desperately— asking Him over and over why I had to go through all this and this second time that was much more horrible than the first time. My husband told our MM leaders emphatically that he loved the OW much more than he’d ever loved me. I was totally lost. My leaders came often to counsel me, saying they did not imagine my husband would be doing all this to me, but then they started to confuse me. They were so discouraged after speaking to my husband and then they agreed that they thought it best if I really did split up and move on.
I said I would probably be doing that. That was until later that same week when God broke my pride completely in my bedroom. He led me to search for help online and after reading HopeAtLast.com and reading just the first few chapters of How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, I understood that it would not be my way or the way I expected. God started to put a new love in my heart and I started to try to understand the situation. I told my husband’s mother, and I told my friends I just never knew how bad or how wrong I was.
What principles, from God’s Word (or through our resources), Flora, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
God was speaking to my heart and giving me Words of how this curse could turn into blessings. I began to move away from the people who were confusing me about what God had asked of me (after two months of intense struggle when I no longer knew what to do). I found this ministry through an internet search and my whole life changed.
I learned that it wasn’t about my marriage at all, but of what I lacked, a truly intimate relationship with the Lord as my Husband. Then as His bride, to know what He expects of me and how I needed to behave as a wife to my husband.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Flora?
My husband ended up paying the return ticket for OW to return to her state and two days later fully returned home, moving his things back in. But before this, I had chased him, sending him texts, saying that God had given me messages for him, telling him about the consequences that he would reap. How foolish. Such a Pharisee. Of course, these only drove a wedge between us and between Him and God.
It wasn’t until the day I was desperate, because all my friends and leaders had abandoned us, when everyone thought I should have given up that I was ready to be done with the person I’d been and become who God needed me to be.
Flora, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
When I found this ministry that was showing me how to have a gentle and quiet spirit. It’s when I discovered that I also needed to change, not just my husband. I had several relapses but when I was finally exhausted of doing it my way and trying to make things happened. Once I put all my focus into my relationship with my HH “Heavenly Husband” , that was the turning point.
Another turning point was when I began to do the devotions and the course, I cried a lot as I journaled extensively and it was like a cleansing. At first, I could not disengage myself right from the teachings of the other ministry, and I was very confused. I was very lost but because the teachings of Erin confronted my pride a lot, it seemed that it was all my fault. That day I made a promise to God saying I was really willing to change (despite my relapses into being contentious, due to pride and prior teachings).
It was after I stopped doing the course faithfully, I stopped for more than two weeks, but I felt miserable. So I decided to go back and I was finishing a 21-day fast when it suddenly happened.
Tell us HOW it happened Flora? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Flora, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I saw my husband when he was looking for our son to spend the weekend with him. When I totally gave the situation to the Lord, I had let him go, and I tried to praise and thank My Beloved for each situation, good and bad, I began to notice my husband’s uneasiness. When he showed up at our house, I could sense he did not feel like leaving. Gradually he approached me about taking a walk, we left our son at home and spent some time walking and talking together. Soon he began to get interested in things that needed to be done in the house, and I could see the sadness in his eyes by our situation, us living apart.
During one of his visits, he showed up at our house and spent some time playing with our son. Before he left, he hugged me very hard and I could feel his pain again. He told me that he was going to sleep at his mother’s house (he had come from where he was living – I didn’t know until much later where and with whom he had living with.) That day he left the OW and began living with his mom.
That night I really couldn’t sleep and saw my son was still awake. So I went in to pray with my son. He knelt down and my son prayed that his father would come back to stay with us tonight. So I told him to talk to his Heavenly Father to make this request, and that if it was the will of the Lord, He would do it. So he prayed and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, my husband sent me a text message, asking to sleep with us, as he had argued with his mother. At the time I did not believe it was possible that God had answered my son’s prayer, but I felt it was the will of the Lord being done. I accepted my husband’s request and arranged our son’s room for him to sleep. But, the Lord was already preparing me for that moment, it was when my husband called me into my room with him and we spent the night together.
Beloved, I can say that with the presence of the Lord was there. It was like nothing before. I confess I was scared, but my husband treated me with as much affection as never before, and he called me “his love” all the time, as he had at the beginning of our marriage. It was all wonderful and perfect because my HH was first in my heart and always will be.
And without me saying a word (another important principle), today my husband has been with us living an entirely different life than before. He always makes sure to have breakfast with us and offers to pick our son up after school. This is all new. I used to do it all, but I learned to leave room for my husband to be the man of God and leader of our family as God designed him to be. Glory to God!
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Flora?
Yes, all RMI materials are Bible-based and of paramount importance for learning to have a true relationship with the Lord as your HH.
The book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage was the door that the Lord opened for me to discover my sins (a quarrelsome, controlling, proud, stubborn, and selfish woman), in which I had to confess in order for me to become a new woman.
The Abundant Life courses, beginning with Finding the Abundant Life was what filled the void and helped me to do what He wanted me to do. Today I always say that “before I knew the Lord by what I heard about Him, but today I know Him and am able to feel Him and be drenched in His love!” This change has been wonderful!
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Flora?
Yes, I have already helped 2 who God sent to me and I am reaching out to more. Today I thank God that He touched me to find RMI and encouraged me from my very first course to share the Good News with others. I found out my best friend from childhood, who was married just 3 years, was having great difficulties in her marriage. Even though she did not have a husband who fell into adultery, I encouraged her to change the course of her marriage. She is currently taking the second course and already gives me testimonies of how great the changes have been for her and her marriage.
Either way Flora, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Beloved Ones, I would like to encourage you with a verse I meditated and focused on for my restoration.
“And Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second, like this, is: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. ” Matthew 22: 37-39
I believe this may be the most important principle of them all.
Brides, do not give up! God will honor you, but only if you honor Him by your obedience to His Word and principles. He has seen your suffering and weeping and wants to introduce you to your Heavenly Husband so there is no more weeping or tears. Together with your help, we will soon see so many families being restored rather than being destroyed. Do not accept this situation as being normal! Praise, adore the Lord, no longer in tears, in mourning or in pain. Reach out to those who are hurting, share Hope at last. Adore, adore and adore your HH! He is worthy of all honor, all glory and all our love! Show Him you care about what He cares about. Reach out and share His Good News.
Hallelujah! I thank My Beloved for calling me back to His first and everlasting Love!
I thank the RMI for the dedication and faith that is conveyed throughout all the many testimonies, encouragement and courses.
God bless this team and all of you women!
Brides, my testimony has already become enormous, and there are many more details I could share here. But I want to say one thing, do not be discouraged, turn your heart totally to your HH and trust God to restore— and He will work great wonders in your life. I’d managed to change a lot, but it was not easy, but it was possible but slow going. Yet once finding my abundant life, when I fully began to yearn for Him and no longer talk and think about my husband, things moved so very quickly!