Felt Like the Odds Are Against Me

Today's Promise: “I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze, and cut through their iron bars.” Isaiah 45:2

Dear Brides, This Chapter 2 "Finding Your Life" in Finding the Abundant Life teaches your heart how to balance what you want and what He wants for your life. Do not be afraid to lose it, to say Yes to His plans. He promises His presence is guaranteed. His love is unfailing. Trust, Believe and Have Faith. I don't know how things are going to work out, but it's not my business. I just have to purely rely on Him.

My Beloved has taught me to say yes to Him. I'm at odds with myself, I have so many questions on how to do things, and while not getting an answer, I keep still.

I have re-read the lesson so many times and this journal is long overdue. There's a conflict within that I am afraid to resolve. A few months ago I have started to ask God, should I change my dreams? I asked Him to remove from me the dreams that are not according to His will. That was months ago, and the dreams I'm talking about are still in my heart. I ask Him to give peace in my heart for I still don't know what His plans are.

My dreams are simple but hard. I truly want to have my own child/ren, and to have a complete family. Months ago, I stopped praying for a child because I felt like the odds are against me, my EH has rejected me. It's not fair to bring a child into this world in a broken family. But this is a way of the world. I know better to trust God in hardships.

With this internal conflict, I find myself always talking to God. I sometimes get the urge to talk to friends, but their thoughts are simple too. His plans for me are great, a simple mind cannot comprehend, I cannot comprehend.

I don't know how much of my life is it that I still need to let go. I'm even scared of saying I let go of my life. Cause God has been "removing lover and friend" from me... He's seriously making me trust that faith is the assurance of what I do not see. I keep losing them, and yet I have to say yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, yes, yes!

It truly is easy to say yes in a season of blessings. But in drought, I have to learn to see "other" blessings. Everything is a blessing in disguise. Everything. Things happen for a reason, always for a reason. These are His plans, even before I was formed. His plans, His purpose are greater than I. I serve for His glory.

I struggle to let go of my life, the life I thought I was going to have. But my Love has my best interest at heart, even when I cannot have my dreams, His plans and purpose are more important. I cannot look at myself and insist on my dreams, because they are too simple for Him.

Seems like the more I hang on to my dreams, the more things don't happen as I hoped they would. But maybe that's just my faith being put to work... The more things appear hopeless, the more faith I need and isn't that what I asked for? For God to strengthen my faith in Him!

My Love, I am your lost sheep, I don't know the roads I'm traveling, all I know is that I should head towards You. Please continue to enable me to detach myself from everything and everyone which disrupts Your plans for me. Most times I'm at a loss on what I should do, many many times I still lose my way, but You're always around for me. You're my comfort in this pain, you're my Heaven.

Let's us pray as we surrender: Dear my Love, I can only ask You to clarify what Your plans are, but that's none of my business. My mind probably cannot understand the miracle You have sent us each on our way. You said I need to lose my life in order to gain it. How much more should I lose? What else are you asking from me?

Dear Brides, Do not be afraid to let go of what you have and what you think you deserve. He is able and He shall change your circumstance. It doesn't matter what is in my past for my future is in Him. My dreams will one day come true, in the name of Your lovingkindness. This is the next level, the next phase of His love and mercy. Learning to let go of your life should be easy as His mercy is endless.

This Chapter 2 "Finding Your Life" will help you understand why things happen to you, but you must remember that things are happening FOR YOU.. Troubles still come and attacks from the devil are sometimes simultaneous. But you shall not be destroyed because He allowed it to happen. Losing your life is giving Him an opportunity to bless you immensely with a new life.

Matthew 10:39 NIV "Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

One of my favorite worship songs is Touch the Sky, it has the following verses: "I found my life when I laid it down... I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground..."

These verses are important because it's a confirmation that I don't need anything, ANYTHING or ANYONE, at all... I could be emptied and still be blessed. I could lose it all and still be blessed. I could be stripped off of everything and everyone and still be blessed. Praise the Lord for when I have none, He is my all.

~ Maria in Philippines
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Ministry Note: When I read what Maria said about her dreams, "Months ago, I stopped praying for a child because I felt like the odds are against me, my EH has rejected me. It's not fair to bring a child into this world in a broken family. But this is a way of the world." I couldn't help think back to when my husband had left me, I'd lost 2 babies, and thought I should focus first on restoration and then later pray to have another baby that would survive.

Yet, I knew He'd laid that precious gift on my heart so instead, I prayed and trusted Him even more! The result, it was Tara!! The one who God would later call to join me in ministry!!

When the odds are against you, that's the best place to be. Also, taken from a page of my dear mother, Grace, it's not fair to NOT bring a child into this world—especially when our brokenness is healed by having a better Father than any earthly father. It's a matter of trust, not a matter of trying to conceive.

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3.

“But women shall be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.” 1Timothy 2:15.

Lastly, to all of you who desire to have children—this yearning is God-ordained, and how He will do it, no matter the impossibility—is God appointed. WITH GOD

Matthew 19:26— And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but WITH GOD all things are possible."

Mark 10:27— Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not WITH GOD; for all things are possible with God."

Luke 1:37— "For nothing will be impossible WITH GOD."

Luke 18:27— But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible WITH GOD."

Whether you give birth to a child or you are called to "mother" children you did not conceive—trust HIM to give you the desires of your heart—because there is no shortage of children who need the motherly love they've been robbed of.

Psalm 37:4— “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”