What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Gareth, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
Gareth, how did your restoration actually begin?
Hello, first, I’m a man, married 17 years, and I have two teenage children (14 and 15 years old, a boy and a girl) and am writing to announce that God restored my hopeless marriage! This has been an four intense 4 months of separation, and am thankful to be sharing this news with everyone.
This is actually our second time around. The first time we were separated, I focused on my wife’s mistakes, like blaming it on her being more emotion than was reasonable! And as for me, I did not learn ANYTHING in the first separation. I made so many mistakes, many of which I later read that described in the book How God Will Restore Your Marriage: There’s Healing After Broken Vows — A Book for Men
Seeing my wife so proud and full of habits that I could not “swallow”, I became impatient every day, jealous and fought for everything. Not to mention one of my biggest problems: the lack of control over anger, and when reaching my breaking point, would result in my swearing rather than simply talking to her. But it is interesting that it took quite a blow for me to again result in a second separation. Proof that God wanted to work on me!
Today, having gone through this once before, I understand how much I messed up and needed to change. I have suffered a lot and now seek God day and night. I had humbled myself to her without really demonstrating forgiveness and interest in returning. Some time ago I found a chat with her and a person on the internet that seemed to be the beginning of virtual treason. She swears she never cheated on me, but my suspicions was grew larger.
I became a Christian at 15 years of age. Dated only three women, including my wife. And confess that with all I sinned sexually, until my wife got pregnant and we had to marry in haste. I believe that we love each other truly and both wanted to stay together for a lifetime, but we always experienced marital problems—mainly because of my temper.
In addition, I always worked in the church because I have the gift of evangelism. I have had many opportunities from God to let me act as spiritual head of my family, but each time I had failed miserably. When I finally found myself in this situation, my wife leaving me, is when God led me here, I want to get help but my wife was not interested.
I wanted my marriage restored because I love her. And I was who made the mistake, I now realize. The mistake was that I fell in love with her more than with God. And also because marriage is sacred to God and I never treated it that way.
How did God change your situation Gareth as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I finally decided I wanted to be a better person for God, I wanted Him to use me, believe what He believes about everything, I also believe God gives us a second chance. Everyone has the right to have another chance with God, especially when I decided to put my Savior first and follow along my journey this time with the Lord as my Guide.
I needed to show my wife and family that I am a new man and I can provide a better life and give her the happiness she deserves— now that I have studied your ministries— teachings that I have learned from, along with my long and deep searches in His Word. Digging Deeper as I was taught from your ministry is what I wanted.
Restoration is important so that I can monitor the spiritual growth of my child closely and honor my family as a true gentleman should. A family who was once given back to me, but sadly, I did not value as I should have.
What principles, from God’s Word (or through our resources), Gareth, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I learned that we should not hold grievances or even have spirit of pride. You should not keep certain kinds of feelings, like pride, because then you will not seek God to change you. By remaining humble, it helps to improve oneself and seek to follow what the Word of the Lord has shown us. I want to every day be better than today.
“Lord my God, first I want to thank You for shaping me and making a new pot of clay, a little closes to Your image and likeness. I thank You for this trial and journey, while also doing the same with my wife even though she did not know it or ask for it as I did. I want to ask You for more wisdom, more gentleness. In the name of Jesus, I thank You, I thank You, I thank You. Amen, my beloved Father.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Gareth?
We always loved each other very much, even though we fought throughout our relationship, but we never got to the point where our fighting separated us. After we were married, during the few first months were very united and present in the church. But about three months later it started falling apart. I tried to get closer to my wife, but she rejected me, so I started feeling rejected. The next thing that led to the destruction was when she went out and she got a job at the mall. I believe that this job was what turned her heart away from me.
After her having her own life, five months after we were married, I looked for and found an escort site where I met a woman. Very soon after, I regretted the relationship a lot and confessed to my wife the next day. She had found it difficult to believe, but I begged for forgiveness and she said she would me forgive me.
My marriage lasted again for just over 4 months, still, with a lot of fights, we tried to spend more time together. But the worst thing was that we both turned away from God, which meant we continued to fight and then we had a big disagreement in which she said she was going to leave me. I didn’t give it too much notice, not thinking what she threatened was important, but the next day she left and began sleeping in her parents’ home. She only returned once, the next day, to pick up her things. I was not at home when she came, because I had to travel for work. But she came and took everything with her father’s help, which by the way is a theologian, in ministry, but he helped his daughter to leave me.
Later he called me and informed me what had happened, so that’s when I started to get desperate. I returned the next day but could only talk to her on the phone briefly. I humbled myself, I cried a lot, but she kept saying to me she decided what she wanted. She said she did not love me anymore.
Then after we had 4 more frustrated attempts of reconciling, hoping she would return home to me … WHAT just freaked me out and caused our situation to become worse, was when she blocked me on social networks and prior had removed all our photos, and never answered my calls. It was then that I began to fully seek God. I asked Him what I should do, and God used some brothers to tell me that I should fight for her. They told me that it would be very difficult but I was going to win if I did it God’s way. It was then that I began to look for help with my friends, church, family, prayer circles. Then I started researching on the internet for restoration—that’s when I read the testimony of a man who commented on a prayer site. He said that he’d done your courses and that after a year and 10 months, God restored his marriage.
After I began the courses, my wife unlocked everything and Whatsapp me, but I was not led to say anything to her. Later I talked to her father who told me that she already was looking to divorce me and soon I would be served. Rather than say anything, I gave everything to God and I believed in the restoration of my marriage.
Gareth, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
My wife said she wanted to be free, she no longer wanted this married life, she wanted to grow and said that she had a Biblical basis to get a divorce because I cheated on her. I seriously believe that it was her job in the shopping mall that fueled these thoughts, and why she so fully turned away from God and that these were main reasons for this situation turning so badly. As far as I knew, I never believe she was involved with someone else.
Once I began to see that it was no longer about my will, but it was the will of God that mattered, I began to live my life accordingly. The longer we were apart, I really began to miss my wife. I began to see all my mistakes and I began to believe I could be the husband she always wanted, the kind of husband God wanted me to be for my wife. The longer we were apart, the sorrier I became for all the wrong I had done and want desperately for another opportunity to fix my mistakes, make her happy, and start off new with God at the center.
Tell us HOW it happened Gareth? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Gareth, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I had three years of dating with my wife, I was the first boyfriend and we were married when I was only 17, I’m 22 years old now.
One day I woke up and said It is now the time for GOD to restore my marriage. The will of the Lord is the God of all. My faith will move mountains and I believe that at the appointed time, God will make my dream become reality. With all the many testimonies I’d studied, along with the Bible verses He led me to memorize, He had given me strength to believe and never tired, never give up or give into temptation. I had faith that I would soon be walking out of the desert.
That is what happened. The next day we reunited and have been happy ever since. No more fighting, I am the man of God and her spiritual leader.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Gareth?
Yes, first I want to thank the RMI team for the opportunity to help me. I’ve recommended your courses to other men, informing them about the RMI and will continue to help others who I may be able to reach. Your courses helped me when my life was empty and directionless and I had been given so much bad advice. Thankfully, once and forever, I’m sure I will stay on the right track! Thank you Lord for your faithfulness in providing this ministry that has helped me see my errors so I can live my life differently, for You. Dear brother, take advantage of this opportunity and carefully read that God will restore your life, not just your marriage.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other men Gareth?
Either way Gareth, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave men with, in conclusion?
Lord, I thank You for the opportunity to have gone through all this, to be the pot in the potter’s hand to be remolded to be able to be used by You. It’s beautiful to know that You do not give up on me or anyone. I have no doubt You brought me here to make me understand that I would have continued to make the same mistakes over and over again and to blame others for my mistakes. I understand that I was far from knowing the truth and thought I’d lost my salvation. Nothing can compare to a restoration that You make happen! I thank You Lord for taking care of all of it. Thank You for the faith you put in my heart. I ask You to keep my focus on Your will, and thankful that this desert period has passed so soon. As You Yourself said in Your Word, many are crazy who fail to thank You for Your suffering, bad for those who try You, crazy are those who do not know You. Thank you Dear God.