♕ Today's Promise: And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12-9
It will soon be 8 months that I started my journey. Like all of you, I went from being so broken, not knowing what to do, where to go, to finding my peace because I met the Love of my life.
My journey is somewhat unique as my husband… is home. He has never moved, he sleeps in the guest room, has removed his wedding band and has built this hate wall (that seems to soften a little bit) but is still home. There is no OW (other woman) that I am aware of.
The difficulty for me is that he is seeing everyday how different and changed I am and yet, nothing seems to change. I used to get so lost and question God about why I would be going over the same mountain and nothing will budge. And then the enemy put in my thought that it would be easier if he was out of the house (like this is the case in most of the restoration testimonies I read). Then I would be at peace on my own just with my baby. But then, I hear in my heart that it would be devastating for my baby girl who is literally in love with her daddy.
Now, I have found my peace with this situation, because all I care about is my HH (Heavenly Husband) that I long for so dearly. Yet, a few days ago, my two year old was very sick and we got a really late appointment for the doctor. It was so late that after the appointment we had to look for a pharmacy that was still open. It was almost 10 pm and while I was taking care of all that, my EH called from his friends place, just to take news and see how things were going. Eventually we came back home with the medicine and my baby was put to bed at almost 11 pm.
I then went to my prayer closet and laid flat on the floor, because I was weary. It was too much for me. First I felt like I handled this late night appointment with my own strength and not with my HH (which HE allowed to remind me that without him I cannot do a thing !), and second, I was crying to the Lord that I wanted him to have my EH (earthly husband) out. I was telling Him I don’t understand why he is still here. I was begging the Lord to have me move on and not to be stalled in this situation. I then fell asleep knowing that HE has got me and that HE showered me with HIS love.
Today I got a call from a friend going through a horrible divorce. I have not talked to her since before the beginning of my journey. They are non-believers. She was telling me that her two daughters (4 and 6) were broken. They were going to school saying that their father died (because he left). The little one is crying every night, asking her mommy to have « her old life back with daddy and mommy». And my friend said she is feeling absolutely empty the weeks she does not have her girls.
Now don’t get me wrong, my heart is broken for them, and I pray that my Heavenly Father will give me an opportunity to speak to her about RMI. I really put this family into my prayer.
But there was my answer ! The Lord told me through her « is this how you want your baby to feel ? Is this how you want to feel ? Do you really know what you are asking me ? Consider yourself blessed with what you have and stay still while I work because my grace is sufficient for you ».
I thank my Love to care so much about me that He is able to convict me and sometimes rebuke me in a way that only He can do.
I believe sometimes we are blessed and we are not even able to see it because we want things to be our way only.
Praise the Lord.