What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Eleanor, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
Eleanor, how did your restoration actually begin?
Hello Brides. Because my marriage was in crisis for so many years, I do not remember exactly when all this started. When my husband finally left for good, was not the first time my husband left home. He'd leave me but a few days later he always came back. We had ongoing fights, disputes, wars going on between us. They were constant, for whatever reason, on every topic imaginable. I could not see the foolish, jealous woman I was like most of us who come here. And like everyone, I just blamed and humiliated my husband for every situation.
So back to the final argument, no longer putting up with the situation, my husband left home for the last time and was not interested in coming back any longer. For him, the love was over and there was no longer any reason to remain married.
How did God change your situation Eleanor as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I really had to be broken, a lot, to recognize my sins and to be shaped by the Lord. In the beginning, it was very hard, extremely difficult. I could not believe that God could have allowed all this for my own "good." I did not accept the separation graciously, that's for sure. But gradually I surrendered myself to His will. I allowed the Lord to break me into tiny pieces. I became dust, and to His honor and glory, I was transformed into a new woman, mother, and wife.
My husband became a cold, loveless person and I could barely see that I was the main culprit in all that situation. I had to learn to look at myself and recognize that I was nothing without My Lord. I had abandoned My First Love, and now I needed to confess my sins, to be obedient, and to forgive my husband and everyone involved!
Even though my husband wasn't around to see any changed in me, but God was already preparing everything to happen at His appointed time.
“Then the LORD answered me and said, ‘Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that he one who reads it may run. For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.’” Habakkuk 2:2-3
Our problem is that we really don't believe this principle to be true. That God really does have a date circled on His calendar, and that's why our Beloved tells us to record what's happening, to inscribe it, which is where the lesson journals became where I documented it all.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Eleanor, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The Bible was my essential tool. Of all the books I read, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, Wise Woman, Facing Divorce, FD Again, I used as a guide but followed up directly by opening my own bible to further seek His guidance and use as a confirmation—going directly to the Word of God.
Daily I also dedicated myself to reading the devotions provided, studying the testimonies (making notes to ask God about things He showed me that were the same or different than my journey) and taking full advantage of the courses RMI provide. The courses were important tools that helped me and helped me a lot. Journalling kept me moving forward and I was able to see how much I was changing which kept me encouraged.
Of all, the principle of letting go and seeking the Lord first in my life was what strengthened me every day! I also learned to "win without words," to fast, and to praise My Beloved even and especially in the midst of tribulations.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Eleanor?
The hardest hours were when my flesh wanted to have answers, my eyes wanted to see something happening, my ears wanted to hear some confirmation that my marriage would be restored.
Really having "faith", the true faith in my Beloved, ignoring the bleak or stalled circumstances. Faith in the face of what is not seen had to be the most difficult but most necessary. God wanted me to trust Him to perform His miracle. All who have received their miracle had to have faith when everything appeared hopeless.
Eleanor, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was really when I began to focus on the Lord as my HH “Heavenly Husband” and completely forget about my situation. My restoration and my husband were no longer important to me. I remember that as soon as I succeeded in placing the Lord above all, praising Him, thanking Him for my situation and feeling His peace that surpasses all understanding, the Lord began to turn my husband's heart back to me. Right when I really no longer needed it and sometimes I didn't want it. But I was thankful to my HH when my EH “earthly husband” started to send me messages and once even kissed me, but that was all.
The more I sought the face of the Lord, not His hand (what He could do for me) but just to become more and more His bride and experience His love to the fullest, the more I sensed that my husband was spiritually disturbed, kind of restless, and automatically without any effort from me, the Lord brought him nearer and nearer.
Tell us HOW it happened Eleanor? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Eleanor, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
So one day, quite suddenly, my husband walked up to me when he saw me at the mall and blurted out, "I cheated on you all this time, I lied, and kept in touch with OW “other woman”, but now it will not be like this anymore. I want to be with you. You are all I can think and dream about. I began to loathe who I was, who I was with, loathe my life." I just stood there not knowing what to say.
At the time, I was not even very happy, because I'd committed myself to my one True Love. I knew these were all that my Beloved had promised me, so I wanted to be thankful and accept this gift, and part of me didn't want to be disappointed again. I'd prefer to remain with Someone I knew would be faithful to me. But I couldn't ignore, God was slowly changing the situation and even my husband.
The next time we ran into each other he told me he's been invited to go to a men's retreat of some kind. On Sunday when he came back, he came over and we talked until late. He was very excited, he begged me for my forgiveness (which I'd already done and told him so), and then he told me how God spoke to him and told him he must return home, become the husband and father and provider God designed men to be. That afternoon he moved his things back home.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you, Eleanor?
Brides, what I've shared is just a fraction of what He's written on my life, but it's more important to allow Him to write your life and change the outcome.
Reading How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage is an important step to doing a full washing of your mind with the truth. But to fully absorb everything, allowing Him to change, you need to journal throughout the courses, doing them all before restoration. And be sure you tackle the hurdles. A friend I had who was going through the courses too thought she could go around them, but now that she sees how far I've come, she's gone back and started taking them seriously, the first being tithing so she's no longer robbing God.
Malachi 3:8–10 tells us, “Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed Thee?’ In tithes and offerings. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me, the whole nation of you!”
“‘You have sown much, but harvest little; you eat, but there is not enough to be satisfied; you drink, but there is not enough to become drunk; you put on clothing, but no one is warm enough; and he who earns, earns wages to put into a purse with holes. Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘Consider your ways!’”
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Eleanor?
Yes, I believe helping others is why I enjoyed and expedited my journey.
Either way Eleanor, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Do not give up on the process. The journey is long, but for some, you are making it longer due to not letting go and embracing your Bridegroom who's love is what you need. Once you're carefree and not lugging your restoration and your unfaithful husband with you, you will see how easily the Lord will begin to guide you and strengthen you and the tremendous healing you'll need once you're restored. Enjoy the process. Love the Lord above all things, focus on Him, and let Him take care of you and leave your husband, your marriage and every burden with Him.
Follow the advice of the books, it expresses the Word of the Lord to perfection, and it makes all the difference in our walk—whether it is short or long, difficult or easy, painful or peaceful. As God did and will continue to do in my own marriage, I know He will also do this for you! God hates divorce, He wants to restore, He longs to heal, He wants more for you than you do for yourself.