I Had to Leave Behind My Desires

♕ Today's Promise: “My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to Thy word.” Psalm 119:25

☊ PR Podcast Isabel

Letting go was no easy process, but I had to leave behind my desires, my friendships, any hope for the way I wanted things to be and move forward into the unknown. Not understanding why, these things were of no real threat to my walk, relationship or journey from what I could see. I shed many tears, went to sleep crying and at some point after awakening crying again. I shed tears at the very thought of leaving it all behind often as it came to mind.

I wanted to sob and sulk, couldn’t bring myself to get dressed to tend to my home or even my responsibilities. I spent days laying around, shades drawn, with occasional peeks outside only to be discouraged even more by the reality before me. I was not interested in phone calls and didn’t want to be rushed through my grieving process. I needed this. I knew I couldn’t stay in this place but I also knew it wouldn’t last always.

My Beloved delivered me before when I felt this type of pain and I believed He would do it again. I begged and pleaded with Him for help in that time span, in fact, for some days that was the only prayer I had in me. On the day that it began to happen He had the encouragement I needed lined up for me as I read in Psalms and Proverbs. He spoke to what I had been feeling when I told Him I didn’t feel like talking to others at the moment in Proverbs 25:20, then encouraged me with the devotional on the encourager that spoke to where I was as well as other devotionals that I read. It’s like it was all lined up and encouraged me in the midst of my pain.

I didn’t really want to get up from that place but my Beloved gave me the strength to get up get myself, my child and my home together. He gave me strength to cry out to Him in prayer, more than just cries for help and I listened to and sang some songs that I felt spoke to me about my surrendering to Him. I started writing my praise report for letting go in this area of my life in advance as I read in one of the testimonies, believing that mine is on the way.

Months have passed in my life and I have to give my Beloved praise. I am doing much better than I was at that point in time. I am learning that this letting go thing is a process that is continuous and healing is as well. I am also learning that my Beloved will walk with me through each step of it if I allow Him to. Also, I am learning that even when things don’t make sense we have to trust Him and in the right timing we will understand His reason for doing things. We may not understand it all at once but He will show us what we need when He knows we are ready to receive what He may need for us to see. Well I praise Him for the answers He has given me. I don’t have all of my questions answered and things don’t make complete sense but I understand some things a little better.

Through a radio program my Beloved showed me, that me holding on to the friendships from my past were preventing me from living in the present. I was making these friendships idols and putting them before Him. These relationships held a place in my life which I refused to welcome other relationships, friendships, or willing to accept anything that was not what I already had, preventing Him from working in my life and through my life into the lives of others. I was rejecting Him and His ways. That hit hard and hurt to hear, especially after pondering it. I couldn’t embrace the here and now because I was still back there in the then. So I would like to thank my Beloved for opening my eyes to see this and also for the healing that is continually taking place in my life.

I thank Him for the answers He has given me and those that will come. I am not completely healed or over the pain of letting go of the life I had or desired for myself but My Beloved is walking me through this journey.

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37 KJV

"As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, and as vinegar upon nitre, so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart." Proverbs 25:20 KJV

There are times when we need to mourn a loss and although others may think they are being helpful, their words can actually make you feel worse than you already do. Grieving a loss can actually be helpful to the individual. We just can’t stay in that place.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13 KJV

We may often feel that certain things are impossible for us to do and it just may be especially if we are trusting in ourselves to do them. When we rely on God and his strength we can do all things.

~ Isabel in Alabama
I’m a tithing​ partner. Learn more.