I always have been a very an over-protective mum. When my elder was born, I remember having the feeling to fight with my in-laws over my son all the time. I was feeling uncomfortable when they were around, feeling I was too much. This led me to try and to break away from them, and eventually, this led to the destruction of my marriage.
But this is not the point of this PR. I remember, when I was pregnant with my second son, wishing, that he would only stay with me and that my in-laws could not take him away from me, that he would stay mine forever…
Well the Lord had a funny way to answer my prayer. At that time, I was very looking forward to the birth of my new son. I was more experienced and felt more comfortable dealing with a newborn and all the hormonal changes linked with the birth. I was looking forward to having my two sons together and have quality time with them.
But my Sweet Husband had something else in mind. At the end of my pregnancy, I contracted salmonellosis, and soon after I gave birth to my younger son. However, he got sick with meningitis soon after his birth and needed intensive care. Unfortunately, he was not completely cured and the illness came back after a few months, leading to many new diagnoses, including cerebral palsy.
I worked hard to give my son the best chance to overcome his disability. I went to intensive therapy sessions and decided to start studying physical therapy in order to help him on a daily basis. But my contentious ways led to a divorce soon after my studies began.
Ever since, it has been a constant fight for me, because my in-laws would not support the therapies I chose, and I had the feeling they were not taking good care enough of my younger son. I kept reminding them, how they should hold him and care for him, what exercises they should do with him, etc. And they would not listen. I was so frustrated. I was studying to help my son, I had to organize my all life around his therapies. And I had the feeling, they would only enjoy extra special time with my son. And they were not taking the burden of disability.
But today, thanks to a wonderful radio program, I listen to every morning, when going to work, I understood, how much I was wrong. The program was talking about Jesus, and his relationship with children. It emphasized, how much it is important to look at the world through a child’s eye. A child has an incredible faculty to forgive. A child has an incredible faculty to believe in what it is taught. It will not question it, the way an adult questions any teaching he hears. It was innocent. A child is giving a lot of happiness and love, and trust.
And I realized, how important was the job of my sweet little disabled son in this world. He was here, to teach us, love. His Unconditional Love and Trust. He was here, to remind us of a child’s innocence. He would not judge anyone. He would welcome everyone with a big smile and open arms, as long you are willing to give him back some of your time and your love.
My son is here, to teach us love, patience, and endurance. He had gone through so much pain and harshness. However, he is always smiling and willing to give you one thing: his complete love and trust. And he has a very important purpose in this world. He certainly has impacted so many lives.
And I realize only now, how important he must be in the life in my in-laws. How much he is bringing to them. And how much our Lord is molding and changing them, thanks to my younger son. How selfish of me it is, to try and stop His work, because of what I thought is an unconditional maternal love.
It is hard for me to let go of my younger disable son. But I need to remind myself. I am not letting him into their care. I am letting him into my Holy Husband’s care. And He has his purpose. And He is taking care of my son.
Since realizing that I feel so free and relieved. And I can feel His unconditional Love. It is hard. But so much worth it 🙂
“My people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.
I will open my mouth with a parable;
I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
things we have heard and known,
things our ancestors have told us.
We will not hide them from their descendants;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
his power, and the wonders He has done.”
Psalm 78:1-4 NIV
“Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.
I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws.
I have suffered much;
preserve my life, Lord, according to your word.
Accept, Lord, the willing praise of my mouth,
and teach me your laws.
Though I constantly take my life in my hands,
I will not forget your law.”
Psalm 119:105-109 NIV