How did your restoration actually begin Valerie?
A week before my son's father had decided to put an end to our 9 years relationship as a common-law couple (i.e.when living together in a conjugal relationship for three years or more), I had asked God to release me from this relationship. We were not happy and we kept fighting and criticize each other.
God heard me and knew it was time for me to get a reality check.
The 2 years following that moment, there were a few moments when restoration could have happened if it was not for my many mistakes (and for God's appointed time of course).
When I came to this ministry looking for hope, I filled out my questionnaire saying, "I still think that there is hope." And why I was seeking restoration was "Because I think it is the best situation for my child."
And then, when the OW finally got out of the picture, my son’s father started to try to get closer and he initiated moments for the three of us to spend together. We started to have dinner as a family a few times a week and to do activities on the weekend. He told me he wanted me to move in with him so that we could be a family once again. I had to tell him that this time, I would not have any relations with him until we would get married. This was the first time that he seemed to agree with the idea and even if he did not understand why I could not move in with him before the wedding day. This time I knew that I did not have to worry about it happening or not. I really let it all into His hands. I had let go and let God. I did though fear at times that I was still making so many mistakes and my biggest fear was to not be able to please Him at all times.
Valerie, how did God change your situation as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
God changed my situation by allowing so many things to happen in my favor, all that happened at the same time. He gave me work opportunities without having me to do much. He gave me a group of women at work with whom I was able to share a part of my testimonies and His word. He showered me with so many love songs and I have received more a double portion; instead of humiliation. When I've discovered music that suited me, so many things changed in my life. I was able to talk to Him while studying, waking up every morning singing to Him, walking to work and back home with songs in my ears. This music made it possible for me to spend more time with Him while having less time to sit, read and pray – I found a new way and I think that my situation changed a lot at that moment.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial Valerie?
The first principle that still has an effect on everyone around me and that amazes family and friends, is the fact that I've let go of legal and judicial aid and recourse. Being a student in law and having parents and friends who are lawyers, I had to stand firm and the results were enormous.
The other main principle that made the restoration possible this time was the importance of marriage. At first, when I found out about the ministry, I thought that it would be really difficult to end up being married to my son’s father. Because I had never been married, I was wondering if God had just released me from this relationship. It also took me a while before I stopped doubting that I could and should even be part of RMI and that its principles could apply to me. I had to learn from my disobedience and after a few attempts to restore my family without FIRST being married, I had to firmly believe that His ways were the only ways. And then, it all became so simple (in the last stretch at least ;).
My disobedience made my journey longer and that was all right. It allowed me to repent from all other mistakes I had made, and practice being quiet (which I still struggle a lot with every day), to have a gentle spirit instead.
I still struggle with contentment at times and I thank God He is still with me to fight fear.
Valerie, what were the most difficult times that God helped you through?
Apart from the difficulty to see my son hurt (and that was until my ePartner made me realize that it was a trap from the enemy) and to not be able to spend as much time with him, I’ve struggled the most with fear: fear of not doing the right thing, fear of not pleasing Him, fear of fearing, fear of not being ready for restoration, fear of making too many mistakes, fear of still being contentious, fear of the enemy in my house, and of course, fear to disappoint all my family in failing in my restoration etc.
Even today sometimes I need to be reminded that His grace is sufficient and that He has mercy for us each morning. It is the enemy who is making me doubt, he is making me think that I am doing everything wrong. I was also keeping myself from sharing good news with people around me. The enemy was making me think that I wasn’t being humble and that I was bragging, which made me lack complete contentment in the eyes of others who were just waiting to see this miracle.
I know that I still need to stop doubting in EVERYTHING and LET HIM work His miracles.
Valerie what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
I had started to write my testimony before the wedding actually occurred, because this time I knew that fear had to be conquered in order for His will to be done. I was feared sharing the news of the engagement to my son’s father, in case it would not really happen, but through all the summer, all the words I was reading reminded me to fight fear. I even broke my left hand 2 weeks before our wedding, I got really scared that God was telling me to stop. Again, it was fear and fear is the enemy. This feeling was also confirmed when I wrote to Erin (she’s a close friend of our family), I heard Him telling me that of all the people that should learn my news, she deserved to know all the miracles that are due to this ministry. When she answered me, she sent me the testimony link, just like that. ?
Tell us HOW it happened Valerie?
On my birthday, after telling my son’s father all summer that I was not going to move in with him, that I was not even going to be his girlfriend without being married, he organized a dinner and just before we got there, he stopped the car and proposed to me. Two days later, I got in a bike accident and broke my hand and wasn't even able to walk for 2 weeks. Our wedding day was in 3 weeks and a week before I went back to the hospital to see how my hand was doing, the fracture had "disappeared"! This was another sign that I should not fear.
Valerie, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Yes, I could.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Valerie?
The How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage book and By the Word of Their Testimony were what I needed to realize that I should not move on to another life than the one I had started with my family. The RRR online courses made me stronger and Erin's Be Encouraged eVideos were essential when going to bed each night. I appreciate the fact that there is a resource that can be used for any moment or phase of our lives. Thank you!
Even though these are all designed for women who are married, the principles are basically the same even if you’re not. When I filled out my free marriage evaluation, I asked this question: I have been reading the First Chapter of " How God Can and will restore your marriage" and I am receiving the daily Encouragement ("My Beloved Daily Devotional"). I just want to know if God really wants my family together or not, since I am not legally married, but we have a young child together. I am so ready to follow the steps to obedience but since I am not in a situation of Marriage, how can I follow what He wants if at first He maybe did not want us to form a family?
When I got my evaluation back, the part they had highlighted explained something that was key, how I needed to think of my relationship in comparison to the other women who came who were married. It said:
*Keep in mind that you should think of your relationship as a divorced woman—since this omits some of the principles reserved for women would are legally married as His protection over you ? as your Heavenly Father betrothed to His Son, such as refraining from any further intimacy. Yet just about every other principle does relate to you—especially since you have a child together.
So, remember, as soon as your boyfriend’s heart turns back to you, keep in mind what He wants for you, and refrain from any intimacy until you are legally married—thus giving you and your child a stable environment where you both will be able to thrive. Here is a RESTORED Marriage Testimony from Sabrina in Georgia, that will help encourage you.
Valerie do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 - NIV)
“Give all your cares to the Lord and He will give you strength. He will never let those who are right with Him be shaken.” (Psalm 55:22)
“Surely God does not reject one who is blameless or strengthen the hands of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Your enemies will be clothed in shame, and the tents of the wicked will be no more.” (Job 8 20:22 - NIV)
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” (Isaiah 61:7 - NIV)
Valerie would you be interested in helping encourage other women?
Yes. I am currently attending law school, but still having time to help with the French / Français translations as I began doing shortly after coming to RMI. I always wanted to help others but I did not know how and who to help. Also, lately I felt like I needed to improve my English so I see this as an opportunity to do both ! : )
I have been raised a Christian and I always been a true believer. Since the beginning of this journey, I have learned to get closer to Him, make Him first in my life and understanding better His word (although I am still learning to do all that better).
Though I’ve always tithed, since I was part of the ministry team (who all tithe where they are spiritually fed), I knew that by forgetting to tithe it would have a bad consequences for everyone, fellow ministers and also on those who come here we hope to help.
Either way Valerie, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Dear brides, although, I did fail AGAIN and again to follow the principles and to be His bride, He helped me start again and He will help you too. And although it hurt to have to restart from the beginning and to also deal with human rejection, I felt something more peaceful the second time I started over, something different ins me than the time I failed before. So my message is this, the more we get close to Him, even when we fall, we can experience peace!
Dear bride, don't let fear win. And do not try to do it your own way. The principles are accurate because they are from God.