Paralyzed by Fear, Cancer

As many of you know, my Mommy has been battling breast cancer for almost 5 years. When she initially received her diagnosis she immediately released all fear and trepidation and claimed “A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look….the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you” Psalms 91:7-10, NIV. 

I was blessed to be able to witness my Mommy’s transformation. She began tithing and fasting and switched to an organic diet. But what was most notable is that she became His Bride! Not only did her face radiate with His loving glow, but she boldly proclaimed to anyone who would listen that He was able to perform the impossible and do abundantly above all that we ask or think.

I became so comfortable in her confidence in Him, that I knew that everything would be fine. I submitted a short praise report Totally Healedsaying, “I just want to thank my HH for His awesome healing power! Last year my Mommy was diagnosed with breast cancer and now her body is totally healed! Her tumor has dissipated and now she is ministering to others and attributes her healing to her constant tithing!!!” That was 3 years ago.

Then last month, she was informed that cancerous spots were on her liver and she was going to have to begin chemotherapy. For the first time since her diagnosis, I got scared. I was confronted with the finitude of life in a very personal way. As she called to tell me the news, she mentioned increasing her life insurance and getting her affairs in order. The more she spoke the less I could hear. I was paralyzed by fear. Then, I started to drown in guilt. The guilt of not being able to financially cover her, not living close by, and my youngest children being raised so far away that she is a distant memory.

As my Mommy began her treatment, I became numb and withdrawn from life and life became such a chore. It was also during this time that we were preparing to take the LONG road trip to our hometown to spend a very short weekend attending my Mother-In-Law’s 60th surprise birthday party. I was dreading the trip home! We were going to spend more time on the road than we would in town and I just didn’t want to go.

My Mommy, however, was anxiously awaiting our arrival. Once we arrived and walked through the door, my youngest daughter (who is only 2) ran to my Mommy, shouting “Nana!” and gave her the biggest hug. My youngest son (who is only 7 months) practically leapt out of my arms trying to reach his Nana, and when she finally held him, he just rested his head on her shoulder. It was such a sweet sight. I saw my Mommy for the first time in a year, and she looked amazing! As we sat down and began talking, she reminded me that “We are under great pressure” 2 Corinthians 1:8 “…so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. I was so encouraged by her testimony and how she reminded me that we are all called to pick up our crosses and follow Him and that in doing so we are blindly trusting and following Him knowing that He will not let our foot slip.

Her treatments are going well, and she is not experiencing any adverse side effects. She said He is using her testimony to bring restoration and hope to others. Every day she encounters someone who is in the battle of their lives, fighting for their life. She encourages them to surrender and turn it over to the only One who can do anything about it. And when they ask her how does she know, how can she be sure? She responds by saying, “Look at me. I once was lost. Then one day, He called me, and it was through my affliction that He taught me His decrees and His loving-kindness. I chose to give up my life and take up and my cross and in doing so, I not only found life, but I found Him.”

My prayer for every lady reading this is to let go of all that hinders you because He is standing there ready to take and lift that burden so you can travel the narrow road that He has prepared specifically for you. In dying to yourself you are gaining a life that was designed for you to live abundantly no matter what you may be facing. He is using you and your testimony to bring restoration and hope to others.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesians 3:20.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. Psalms 91:7-10

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 2 Corinthians 1:8b

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

~ Cierra in Kentucky

“Restoration Happened Quickly and Suddenly”