♕ Today's Promise: "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." Isaiah 26:3
Lauren, how did your restoration actually begin?
Hello, my name is Lauren, I am 40 years old and I have been married for almost 14 years and we have no children. I became a believer in my late teens and my husband a little before that, but once we got married we have never been very close to the Lord individually or as a couple. Over time we have become increasingly distant from anything remotely close to being a Christian. In fact, I got farther and farther away, because I was extremely proud and I always thought that I knew everything and that I could only depend on my husband, that is, God was a mere assistant to me when I needed help.
Since I completely drifted from the ways of our Lord, I always knew that I would return for the pain or for the love, but I never imagined that I would go through this type of pain because I always considered myself the “perfect wife” and I had my stinking behavior continuously reinforced by everyone around me. How ironic!
My husband and I always got along very well, including our differences and defects, which never bothered either of us. We were always considerate towards one another, the model couple for many people. But then things changed and he started to have an increasingly strange attitude towards me. He spent a lot of time with friends and always arrived home late on weekends. One of those weekends I woke up about 7 am and he still hadn't come home and that was the last straw for me. I ended up locking the door. I immediately regretted it and he managed to get into the house, but then the "hate wall" was already built.
We had a very serious conversation and he commented to me that he no longer loved me as before, but he did not admit that there was an other woman when I questioned him. Then a week passed and at the beginning of the following weekend I asked why he was acting so strange to me. It was then that he confessed that he had met someone else and that he loved her.
At that moment, my perfect world collapsed and I couldn't believe that my model marriage was over, after all, I was always the perfect wife!
At first he didn't leave the house, but from the beginning God was warning me that he was going to leave and that I should let him go. It was about a month after my husband had confessed about the other woman that he decided to leave the house to live in a flat alone, because the other woman lived with her family and is a single mother.
When my husband left home I was really lost and just asked God to let me die. In one of those days of total despair I went to the computer and typed in a search engine “marriage restoration” because I needed to know if there were other couples with problems in their marriages, because I believed I was the only one who had this type of problem. In this search I found the Restore Ministries International and soon filled out my Marriage Evaluation Questionnaire. Then I downloaded the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and immediately started reading it and doing the free lessons. A few days later I bought the book A Wise Woman and also started to read it.
My despair was so great that I devoured the books and lessons and started to apply each of the principles in my daily life. As much as my marriage could not be restored, I knew that at least God would make me a better person.
How did God change your situation, Lauren, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
As at first I didn't understand where I had gone wrong in my marriage, it took me a while to realize that God wanted me entirely just for Himself.
I remember reading and rereading the lessons and not really understanding what I had done so wrong, still considering myself as the "perfect wife." Even reading the Bible, I couldn't even understand what God wanted me to do. I couldn't do anything more, I just cried and made myself a victim all the time.
The turning point was when I confessed to God about all my anxieties, fears and that I could never thank Him for my life. Of course, I felt extremely guilty for everything I said to God, but He in His infinite goodness and mercy understood my heart, wanting me to just be real with Him.
It was then that I began to feel His presence with me more and more and even hearing His voice whispering in my ear. Many, many times I felt His hand on my shoulders leading me.
I cried out day and night that I wanted and needed Him to transform my life. He claimed that He wanted me to be the wise woman written in His Word.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lauren, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I took the lessons and the Word of God so seriously that I used all the principles, but what I used and use most today in any situation of my life is "letting go." My goodness letting go was not easy and it was very gradual. I have always been extremely curious and of course the enemy loved to use it against me saying that it wouldn't be wrong for me to snoop here or there.
Another principle I used a lot was fasting because I really needed to learn to depend on God alone. And of course, I learned to pray and watch without ceasing as the Word says in Matthew 26:41 “Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!”
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Lauren?
I can't say that it had a more difficult moment than any other because for me my whole RJ “Restoration Journey” was difficult. I stayed away from everyone, including family members who I knew would disrupt my Restoration Journey. Therefore, I was completely in the presence of God and my Heavenly Husband at all times.
So, it was during those 4 months that my Restoration Journey lasted that God sustained me all the time and I learned to depend only on Him.
Lauren, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
I couldn't quite figure out the "turning point", but I remember that I always prayed asking God, crying out, begging how much I wanted to be transformed and dependent only on Him and no one else in my life regardless of whether my marriage was restored or not.
Tell us HOW it happened, Lauren? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lauren, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My birthday is in early March and my husband really wanted to celebrate that date with me as we always have. He set a dinner date with me and sort of asked me on a date (though I didn’t consider it a date at the time).
Since the day he decided to leave the house we didn't see each other, not once, and he knew through his family and a mutual friend that I was “very much changed.” Before all this happened I was always very fragile and extremely dependent on him for everything.
It was then that we set a time to meet at the restaurant and he was extremely impressed when he saw me. Despite the fact that he knew I was suffering a lot, he understood how difficult it was for me. I want you to know that I was no longer a proud woman, at no time did I take credit for who I’d become when he marveled at some change in me. Instead, each time I just made it clear that everything he saw and perceived was just the work of our Lord, my new Husband.
At the end of the dinner he commented that he wanted to return home, but he had not yet resolved his situation with other woman and that he would only return when he had finished everything because I deserved to have all of him fully. But it is clear that God had other plans because the next day my husband called me saying that it was over with other woman, she’d left him and that he would come home. Glory to God! I didn't really expect him that day but within a few hours he was home and unpacked.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Lauren?
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Lauren?
Yes! No question I need to share the truth with so many women in despair. God allowed this to make me A Wise Woman, to encourage women who they need to be told the truth and especially to those who have no children. Helping the childless to understand that each young woman is her daughter, her daughter who is in need of wisdom, guidance, and understanding, while boasting about our failings and how to trust God to change us.
Either way, Lauren, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Do not give up, persevere and move forward in your Restoration Journey. But first of all, obey God. Pray, cry out and place yourself entirely in His presence because He will act on your behalf, you can be sure of that. Depend only on Him.
Find more encouragement and overcome the hurdle of #Letting Go by clicking on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.
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