♕Today's Promise: "He has removed my acquaintances from me; He has made me an abomination to them; I am shut up, and I cannot get out." Psalm 88:8
Eldora, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
Since our courtship, the Lord always told me that my earthly husband Dwaine was an idol in my heart. I never paid attention to him, I always depended on receiving affection and acceptance from a man. In the course of our marriage it became more evident that the Lord was not the Lord of my life, although I had already received him. Dwaine always tried to please me in everything, but I was never satisfied. He called us to pray as a family and I was always upset, I was rebellious, arrogant and had tremendous pride. So little by little I was destroying my house instead of building it; it was destroyed slowly but surely. For this time we lived in my mother-in-law's house. I forced Dwaine to find an apartment for us to live alone because I felt that he would not give me my place as a wife with his family and I had the audacity to tell him that if he did not I would leave alone. This caused so much annoyance in his heart that it threw him into the arms of the OW (other woman).
We went to live alone and I continued to be contentious. I lived jealous of Dwaine. I checked bills, his phone when I could, his clothes; the car, everything. Everything was cause for distrust. I had always had a suspicious mind. I was suspicious of everything and everyone. This was because my father was unfaithful to my mother and I learned to be a very good investigator, taking into account that it is one of the skills that already as women we possess, by nurturing this way of living it becomes a lifestyle.
One morning I couldn't sleep so I unlocked his cell phone and saw that he was talking to a woman. He already began to say that it was better to leave. At this point I fell apart, seeking help from some gentlemen who had taken us to a marriage encounter. Dwaine agreed to go, but he no longer had much interest in our marriage. The counseling helped a little in doing more things together, however the man told us that I had Dwaine drowning and that he should go out from time to time to do something alone, because it bothered me if he went to play soccer even with close friends.
That's where another story began, he started going to work parties where he never went, he didn't go so that I wouldn't get angry, because deep down he always wanted to go, now he felt free to do so. He began to arrive at dawn, drunk, each time it was more and more; and of course I called him (but he didn't answer). I waited for him like a policeman behind the door. I told him immediately when he arrived but the truth was that I was very scared that something had happened to him. I looked for advice everywhere, every time something happened. I had the phone ready to call one of the many people I told. And I took him to every marriage workshop there was, to make him see reason and respect me. Every time I dug the hole deeper that I was getting myself into.
Having been married for 8 years, I discovered that Dwaine had been unfaithful to me for about two years, without him looking, I opened his mail and I discovered a letter that the OW (other woman) sent him, forgiving him for what he had done to her, because he had not abandoned me for her. She wrote about all the details of their relationship and I read it all, obviously without the wisdom to abandon what I found, because in the future the enemy would use this to torment me. At this point I obviously looked for advice, I ran to my pastors, one of them immediately told me do nothing, you can't take it anymore, the best thing is a divorce; so did two other pastors to hopefully get divorced quickly. The other pastor told me in the midst of everything he believes that God can restore.
A friend paid for me for a psychologist. He was another pastor, he gave me some advice, but I, very holy, could not understand how he told me that, I was so, so religious that I could not accept what he told me. Now I understand that he was referring to the principles that we learn here in the ministry, in the Word of God, such as not resisting evil, but I could not understand.
I don't know how I found the PDF of the book "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" I started reading it but I literally thought, this lady is crazy no one can do this. My heart was not broken. At this very moment Dwaine was reading a book on the freedom of forgiveness, but neither of us persevered in reading and each day we sank deeper. Of course I was looking for more advisers. One day a couple came to our house, according to my thought to change Dwayne’s mind about not leaving home. This only toughened him up even more. On our 9th anniversary, my brother-in-law and my mother-in-law invited us for a walk to the beach. Dwaine didn't want to go, so I went with my son. While I was on the way I wrote him a happy anniversary message, to which he just said thank you.
On the way the Lord spoke to me "How does a seed bear fruit? -It has to die, I told him. He told me: Do you realize that your marriage is dying? - I said: Yes". When I was alone in front of the sea, I was alone with Him and He spoke to me again "How many months does a child last in the womb? - Nine months, I answered. He told me: You are going to give birth". There I was able to understand the quote from Job 42:5 "I had heard of you; but now my eyes see you." I felt him so close to me, my beautiful HH (Heavenly Husband) was preparing my heart.
At this time Dwaine was drafting the divorce at the lawyer. The next day it arrived, he gave it to me. I collapsed, however I kept calm and told him: Right now I don't have a mind for this, I'll see him next year.
For the December holidays he disappeared for 4 days. When he arrived I told him that I couldn't deal with this situation any longer, to please leave after Christmas. That's how he left, we spent the end of the year each on his own and my son did not understand. I broke his heart because I made him see that it was his dad who wanted to leave and that he didn't love me anymore, what a big mistake. According to me I had gotten rid of the problem, but it was here that my real brokenness began.
How did God change your situation, Eldora, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I went to the court to ask for information about alimony. A war began because in these situations people appear everywhere who want to help, to defend us from our bad husbands because we are women. The lawyer told me that he will not accept this draft of the divorce because it was totally harming me. Dwaine did not want to recognize anything and the truth is that we have nothing to fight for, there was only one car, but they did not declare it and he did not want to give me child support. What he put for my son was just enough to pay for transportation to school. In short, it was unfair, and I was still stupid asking for help and the enemy sent me more people who wanted to help than to sign the divorce.
Tired one Friday I told him I'm going to sign, the lawyer told me you can't do that because there's no turning back, it's unfavorable for you. When I told Dwayne he got furious and told me he was tired of it, that there were already 5 drafts that he wasn't going to do anything else. So we agreed to stop talking about it for a while. That night I couldn't sleep and I told the Lord, I have looked for help from everywhere to not leave Dwaine, but I haven't asked you if there is still hope and I searched the Internet for "Marriage Restoration" and went to the Facebook page, where they referred to the book. I looked for it and it was on my phone. Download the app and listen to it in 3 days. I was shocked, and chapter 6 broke me completely, because of my contention I destroyed my marriage and pushed my husband away. As Psalm 88:8 says, "He has removed my acquaintances from me; He has made me an abomination to them; I am shut up, and I cannot get out." And Psalm 88:18 "He has removed friend and companion from me, And my acquaintances he has put in darkness."
But it was what the Lord allowed so that my hardened heart would surrender to Him and recognize Him and make Him the owner of my heart. I lost count of how many times I listened to the book, I still listen to it from time to time so I don't forget. Every day I broke down more.
The Lord rescued me quickly. It was 1 month since my husband left. I began to apply the principles and seek the Lord more every day. In fifteen days I began to see changes in Dwaine, he began to approach little by little. He was already calling a little more, one weekend he was looking for me privately, then every month, then every week until the day God brought Dwaine home. His heart was thawing little by little. He invited me to spend time with him in his apartment. It was a very nice time, there were things that we had never done.
Something very nice is that the Lord has brought freedom to my life in many areas, every weekend he healed me of something, or I went to give Him something. One weekend I was going to the area of my emotions, relationship with my peers, childhood situations, one weekend I got sick to the point of thinking it was Covid 19, but he made me understand that his Word is effective in everything. I prayed for my body and the inflammation I felt in my neck went away, the next day the lymph nodes I had were removed. The last thing he showed me was my childhood. In short, He continues to work in my life.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Eldora?
What cost me the most and that I still have to remember is letting go and it is the most powerful, the Lord supports it. Do not depend on our earthly husband’s for anything, ask our HH for everything, He is faithful, I have many testimonies of things that I have asked him and he answers me immediately, sometimes in 10 minutes, other times in days, but he does not fail me, sometimes they are things so small, but He is beautiful and fulfills the deepest desires of the heart.
Of course, finding the Lord as Heavenly Husband is confusing at first, but the more one searches for Him, the more he becomes our everything. Today he is my everything, we can depend on Him and circumstances do not move us because He is our rock, our strength and in times of pain He comforts and strengthens us.
Release the church, I understood that the spiritual leader was my husband Dwaine, not me, that's why everything was going wrong because I usurped his place and I keep praying for the Lord to lift him up.
Tithing to our storehouse, this cost me a bit, for fear of sending money out of my country but once I started doing it I felt freedom and confidence, the windows of heaven literally opened for me. I have lacked nothing and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart, he has taken care of giving me in abundance, I lack nothing and now that Dwaine is at home he gives me even more, what was withheld, I am receiving. I keep tithing to RMI (Restore Ministries International).
Pray Psalm 9:6 “Endless ruin has overtaken my enemies, you have uprooted their cities; even the memory of them has perished” for the Lord to remove the bad memories from our earthly husband’s memory and change them to pleasant memories , in fact also because the memory of the OW is erased. I do not talk about the situation, nor talk to Dwayne about it.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Eldora?
Well, everything at the time was very difficult. But right now the one I feel the most in my heart was when Dwaine took my son to see OW, it was very hard because it is a feeling that they want to take your place in every way. I had to let him go, give my son to the Lord and trust that what He allowed was for our good. Hearing that Dwaine told my son, your mom and I have the right to have other partners, it was difficult.
Listening to Dwaine tell me I love you very much but I love the OW, a girl 13 years younger than me, it was a strong fight in every way, my mind was bombarded with many thoughts, but my HH (Heavenly Husband) reminded me how special I am and that in his presence I receive even greater grace, which makes me attractive, not because of the external, but because of what he gives me inside that makes me pleasant externally. Seeing Dwaine go out and enjoy time with his friends, spending money with other people, but today he tells me that after the holidays he felt sad.
Eldora, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
When the divorce was signed I was very happy because I knew that the Lord was working and that if he was allowing it, it was because he wanted to give me more. Well, that day I got up early, I was with Him worshiping, before I left I asked Him to give me a word and He gave me Proverbs 16:33 "Lots are cast on the table, but the verdict comes from the Lord"
My heart went to Him confident, with joy and peace, I felt that I was leaving the past behind. When I arrived at Dwaine’s office everyone looked at us, and I was happy, Dwaine asked me why I'm so happy, where are you going so pretty, why did I put on my makeup, put on my heels. He thought I was going to be with someone else.
When I returned I was singing, thanking my precious HH, because Praise comforts me a lot, I feel more love for Him. Well, at the weekend Dwaine came to see my son and wanted to be intimate, as I rejected him and told him that we're not married, he almost said something and told me it didn't matter. Sadness really showed on his face. A month and a half passed and he told me: You see something happened, you have to sign again because the lawyer forgot to put a clause and the judge rejected the divorce. I got upset at the time because I said to do the same again, however the Lord gave me peace and I told him I was fine. The day we agreed to go, he didn't arrive where we had agreed to meet, so I did an errand and went back to my house.
A few days later Dwaine told me again, something happened, the lawyer died... I couldn't believe it because she was very young, so he told me: That she was the girl's mother (she was her assistant), the lady was sick and her daughter told him: Sign that paper because my mom will die at any moment, and didn't give him time. I said: And what are you going to do? And he told me: Nothing, let it stay that way.
At that moment, although he did not recognize it, he understood that God did not want the divorce and the document was nullified.
Tell us HOW it happened, Eldora? Did Dwaine just walk in the front door? Eldora, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
One Sunday Dwaine told me that he was taking out all the garbage from his room, at night he wrote to me as he almost always did. We talked at night like two friends. He told me that he had already ended the relationship with the OW and that they had no future. That weekend he did not come to see our son because he had a cold, but it was also because the OW came to collect her things. At dawn he told me "if I'm going, you'll accept me". I understood that he already wanted to come home, so I said yes. The truth is that I was a little nervous. I asked the Lord for a word and he gave me Isaiah 30. I didn't understand well, but I thanked him and prayed as he arrived. It took a while for Dwaine to arrive and when he did, he came all dirty and with torn clothes, he had crashed on my new motorcycle (I had lent it to him because I still don't have a license), he came without shoes all scratched up, crying he told me I'm leaving you to fix the bike, because I did this. When he got off he staggered from side to side, only God saved him from dying. It seemed to be just scratches, but it was complicated. Since he was so bad, he asked me to stay home, the next day I took him to the hospital and that's where the tests began. On the fifth day he was hospitalized, he stayed 12 days in hospital with a bacteria, and danger of losing his leg or spreading the bacteria throughout his body. There he saw the hand of God and the Lord began to touch him. When he arrived home from the hospital he hugged my son and me and cried saying that he had missed us a lot and that he just wanted to be here.
I always thought about it at first because I saw that by applying the principles everything was going very fast. The Lord was working but I became anxious, until I understood that the Lord works in his time and at his own pace. I couldn't expect the Lord to do it from one day to the next when it takes so long to destroy you. He had to take his time to restore us both. And I gave him my longing for restoration. The process lasted a year and eight months. At first it seemed like a lot but now I see that it was nothing. However, since I began to feel that my HH (Heavenly Husband) moved me to believe that the time was near and to believe despite what I saw.
Today Dwaine is home and I still have to believe that the Lord did it because he hasn't brought all his things and is still paying for the other apartment, but he is here, he says he feels loved, valued and accepted. Very often he thanks me for everything I have done for him, for the grace and love of my precious Lord because in my strength I could not. It was a difficult journey, sisters say that we should take advantage of the time before God brings them home because everything changes, and we don't know what condition they're going to arrive in.
In my case it has not been easy at all, because I had to help him with everything. I have Dwaine 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. At first I felt overwhelmed because I couldn't pray well, but I asked my HH for a strategy to do it and he gave it to me. The same moment I asked him He did it. He changed the schedule of Dwayne’s therapies. My HH is too good.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Eldora?
I recommend everything, start with the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, the online courses, the videos Be Encouraged are very helpful. The Restored Marriage Testimonies give hope, if God has done it so many times with other women, he can do it with me, he did it with me and he will do it with you.
I keep watching the videos Be Encouraged because God reminds me of details that I forgot and they help me in this new process. Daily devotionals, reading Psalms and proverbs as recommended by the ministry, and making 3x5 cards because in times of crisis we have the word at hand and the Holy Spirit gives us peace.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Eldora?
Yes, of course.
Either way, Eldora, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Have great faith and do not lose hope, if the Lord brought you to this ministry and called you to this path of restoration and put in your heart the hope that He can do it, stand firm believing only in Him, not in what you see or what they say to you, just listen to the Lord. Do not seek advice, only the advice of the Lord, He is faithful and just and will not disappoint you. May the Lord be your all, your greatest treasure and longing for each day.
