♕ Today's Promise: "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” Psalm 91:1-2
Antonella, how did your restoration actually begin?
All my life I really wanted to get married and have children. It was my dream!!! I wanted to be happy in my marriage, and I thought it would be easy. But I didn't think about giving in, or doing anything to make my marriage happy, I simply wanted to be happy, period! I got married and a month later we had our first child, and then the second and then the third...I wanted the house full of babies!!! My husband just went with the flow.
We met in church, he and I were already Christians, but with our courtship we had already cooled down spiritually. I was very arrogant, bossy, full of myself. When I met my husband he was a virgin, so I thought the best way to ensure that he was “mine” was to put his hand in the fire of sin, that way he would never betray me. Living sinfully forced him to do the right thing and marry me once I was pregnant. But once we married I was never submissive to anything!! I never knew this is what GOD says. For me, everything he said was wrong, only I was right.
To top it off, I neglected my body and gained over a hundred pounds between pregnancies. After all, what was the problem, right? Of course he would never leave me, wrong!!!
How did God change your situation, Antonella, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
One day, I was tired of living that emptiness that I lived in, we no longer went to church, we didn't read the Bible, and we let alcohol into our house. Then, in my despair when I saw what was happening to my family, I cried out to God, and decided that I was going to seek Him. I remember lying in bed with my husband, he, with his back to me, I said, “Darling, one day God will transform our marriage and our financial life (which was already destroyed) and we will give a great testimony.” Then he said to me, “Ok, sure, now let’s go to sleep.” My husband did not hear me, hear my heart, but God heard me at that moment.
So I started going to services alone, trying to fulfill what I’d said. I just got up and took the children one Sunday. When I asked him to come with us he said, “No, you go.” This was the closest to submission I’d gotten, up until this point in our marriage—but I was way, way off from knowing that I never should have stepped in as the spiritual leader. Yet, God had pity on me.
Then He woke me up, shook me up and got my attention big time! He showed me that my husband was in adultery!!! My husband, who only had been with me, a man who was very shy and had deep rooted values. This man was talking to and involved with another woman. On the day I found out, I begged him to tell me who she was, but he denied it, until he said, “If I tell you our marriage will be over.” That was enough for me to go berserk! I jumped out of the car like a crazy woman, called my cell leader from the church I was attending and told him what had happened. And you’ll never imagine what he said (or maybe you will). He said to kick him out, send him away packing!
When I got home I packed his stuff and I took everything over to my mother-in-law’s house (who lives next door) and told everyone that I wouldn't accept living with a cheater! I shouted it over and over. After this my husband was very cold towards me but also somewhat relieved that I had taken that sort of action. He wanted to leave me so he could spend more time with her without having to sneak around. Just like A Wise Woman title, I was the fool who tore her house down with her own hands! I played right into the enemy’s schemes, what a fool!
When I got home, and realized what I had done, what a fool I’d been, it fell on me like a ton of bricks. I collapsed to the floor and oh how I cried!! What incredible horrible pain!!!! The fool succeeded in destroying her own house!!!! After three days, I was introduced to RMI through an acquaintance, who today has become a great friend. A woman who also had her marriage restored. Every day I read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, I burst into tears, because I saw how far I was from the Lord, and I saw the answers I’d craved for years and how I’d gotten myself into this dire situation.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Antonella, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I fought against my flesh, but at the beginning, I confess, that I faltered several times. I wanted to apply the principles like asking forgiveness, but I needed to be broken. I tried, but when I went to talk to him, to tell him how I’d messed up, I hesitated. I wept and prayed for forgiveness from the Lord and that He would help me to obey Him. The Lord gradually transformed me. God never left me alone. With love and care, He taught me and transformed me. I learned to shut up, to listen to my husband, and to be submissive even though he was not living in our house. I learned to seek the Lord, in times of pain and despair and when my flesh screamed—I ran into His arms and was calmed and relieved by His love.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Antonella?
During our separation my husband denied any involvement with anyone, I did not seek to know, did not follow him, but God had already shown me that he had someone else through a dream, and that the person was a Christian. He, in His infinite love and kindness, already prepared me to know what was hidden. One day while doing my homework for my Restoration Journey courses, I heard a voice and it said, "Four months." It was so vivid that it stayed in my mind all day, and I knew it was the Lord's voice, but I didn't know what it was about. I thought in my little mind that it would be the date of my restoration, when the fourth month of separation arrived.
Instead four months was when the identity of the other woman would be revealed. One day, after four months of separation, my prayer partner and another friend were all ending a church-wide fast, so I invited them to have something to eat at my house. Like a fool, I’d resisted letting go of my church even though I’d studied the lesson and applied to be a Restoration Fellowship Church member, and due to my resistance the Lord had warned me, “four months.” He’d given me four months to do what I knew I should, but didn’t.
So on this fateful day, this other friend of mine tells me that her cell leader had just separated from her husband, he had caught her talking romantically on the cell phone with another man. At that moment I almost collapsed to the floor—I knew the other man was my husband. They had already dated as teens, and I knew my husband and her husband's cousin were close friends. She was a cell leader, and had several ministries in the church. At the time I said out loud that it was my husband, and my prayer partner at the time felt the same thing as me, but this other friend of mine did not believe me and said that I was crazy, that this super spiritual woman would never do that to me.
We didn't talk about it anymore, thankfully I let it drop, but when they left I was trembling and couldn’t stop. I was in shock. Someone so close to me, someone I knew so well, we even owned stores facing each other. Oh God how would I go to work each day knowing what was going on? But despite the certainty in my heart, nobody really knew that it was my husband who was involved with her. So I gave it to the Lord, told no one else. Then things began to happen. The pastors confronted her, but she denied it and said it was someone else from another city. Stupidly I fell into the enemy's trap and asked my husband, thankfully, he denied it too, and at the same moment I knew it was wrong for me to ask him, so I simply said, “I believe you.” Because as Erin says, “Love believes all things” even when we know something isn’t true.
Rumors spread throughout the church, then throughout our entire city. Every day someone told me something I didn’t want to know, oh, what a horrible pain. But God used it for good. This is when I let go of everything, my church, and I found my First Love! Once I had a Heavenly Husband who really was who He needed me to be, the pain was gone!
Antonella, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Despite the circumstances, and the immense pain I was feeling, I treated my husband with love, and as if nothing had happened. And as a result we got closer and closer. While fasting and constant prayer I watched the hate wall falling. As a result, I lost a lot of weight. Before the separation I had already lost about half my excess baby weight due to dieting and working out at a gym. After the separation I lost another significant amount. Yet during my continual fast and brokenness, the “infidelity diet that I read in Chelle’s testimony on my first day here at RMI” I lost all my baby weight and it caught my husband’s attention. He looked at me with admiration, seeing that I managed to get the body back to the way I looked when we were married, and also seeing how I had changed as a woman. He once told me, “You are like the person you were when we first met, only better.”
Tell us HOW it happened, Antonella? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Antonella, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
As I lived next door to him, he came to our house often after I’d changed. I made lunch, dinner, then we often had coffee in the afternoon (which I didn't do before). One day while the children were at school in the afternoon and we had already begun being intimate again after 5 months apart, I discovered I was pregnant. I was even taking the pill at my husband’s request. Even so, he was very happy, making plans to return, but I knew it was because of the child I was carrying. Nevertheless, I trusted God that He would do what was best.
Then after 6 weeks of gestation, I discovered that it was an ectopic pregnancy. We were devastated. I was so sad, and ashamed. I asked God, “Do I have to go through this further shame?” And at the guidance of my husband, he asked me not to tell anyone else that I had lost the baby. He said he wanted to come home. So I obeyed him, but it was horrible for me because people complimented me on having another baby that was no longer inside me. I was very embarrassed and horribly heartbroken.
A month passed, and he didn't come home as he had promised and he also wouldn't let me tell anyone about the baby that I’d lost. It saddened me so much to lie so much, so I cried out to the Lord to find a way to get me out of this situation. Then my brother found out that I had lost the baby because it was an ectopic pregnancy and he worked in that hospital. Once he knew, everyone knew. The news spread. In fact, I really believe it was the Lord's providence. He heard my cry and my pain. So I shared what was going on with my husband and he agreed to talk about the loss of the baby. Even though he still hadn’t come home, I was calm because I knew everything was in His timing.
During the procedure to stop the ectopic pregnancy, I took a very strong medication, in which the doctor told me that I would not ovulate, and I could not get pregnant again. But after only 3 months, I got pregnant again and the ultrasound showed the baby was in the womb, and perfect. I didn’t find out until I was in the middle of my second trimester because I never imagined I could get pregnant.
The news that was once a cause for joy, this time was terrible for my husband. He was furious and blamed me for getting pregnant on purpose. He said things like "I said I was going to come home but you got yourself pregnant thinking I wasn't coming back just to force me."
So I just told my husband that if he wanted to come home one day, that was fine but if he didn't want to, it was also okay, that he didn't have to come back because of the baby. Things calmed down when I let him go and soon afterwards he brought his things back. When he returned, my children were euphoric. I’d never seen such happiness. Yet I kept myself from showing how happy I was.
To this day, my husband has not confessed to me everything that happened about his adultery. We talk very little about it. He does not feel comfortable, and I also understand that I don’t need to or want to hear what happened. He just told me that he did commit adultery and that I might not want him anymore. He didn't go into details. It hurt me a lot before, but not at all now. What is a bit sad is that he doesn't have the courage to go to any church because of what happened, he feels ashamed.
The battle is not over yet, now the battle is against us being together. He is not yet our spiritual leader, but I kept believing that the Lord would finish the work that He started. Then just this morning he suggested we do a sort of home church. I’m excited about that. It’s silly to imagine that the enemy won’t continue to lurk around, looking for a breach to break us apart again. Nevertheless, my husband loves me, and he’s home and we're happier as a family, living peacefully for the first time in all the 7 years of our marriage.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Antonella?
I do recommend how God can and will restore your marriage and a wise woman. I recommend the lessons and videos, and the Abundant Life series. All I can say is this Ministry is such a blessing!!!
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Antonella?
Yes I would like to help other women. I believe I went through so much pain to be able to help someone else who is in this situation.
Either way, Antonella, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Even though everything might appear to be over, and that there is no way, He will change everything, He solves everything, it is enough just to remain under His wings. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” Psalm 91:1-2 He made me rest in the most horrible, terrifying moments. When I was alone with three children, He gave me peace and calmed me and told me that He was restoring my home, my life for His sake.
The pain was necessary for me to come to Him. But only in Him, by your Heavenly Husband's love, can this pain be relieved and we will be healed. Another thing, the other woman in which my husband got involved with, is rich, beautiful, and is very well groomed. I know my earthly husband thought she was an incredible woman of God, because of the positions she held in the church, everyone described her as the ultimate prize. But His Word says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30). “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4). That's the secret. Delight yourself in the Lord your Heavenly Husband!!!
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