♕ Today's Promise: “But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17
Ellen, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
It all started very early in my marriage, when I found in my EH's wallet there was a letter in which he said that he still loved his ex-girlfriend and that he regretted not being with her. It was a very difficult moment but as I was raised in the church and had already participated in some seminars for marriage, I forgave my husband and was determined that I would help him to forget her and that I would be beside him in spite of everything.
After this episode of betrayal, there were several others. I searched for and discovered his cell phone passwords, social media (like a good “wife” was advised to do by all her friends and even “experts”) and discovered several conversations with other women and saw how bad he talked about our marriage to everyone. Even then I stayed because I loved him so much and I always believed that marriage is forever.
After 3 years of marriage, things got much worse, my EH (earthly husband) said he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't want me anymore and that he wanted to separate. He tried several times but I wouldn't let him leave me. I cried a lot, begged him to stay, called several pastors to convince him to stay and he ended up staying but the situation got even worse. He started to get involved with “friends” from the church he attended and came home at dawn. He never paid attention to me and he always insisted on telling me that he didn't want to be with me, that he was with me because I was forcing him to stay and I really was. I was a Pharisee.
I only lived in the church and whenever he wanted to do something (which was very rare) I said I couldn't because I had something going on at the church, so he went alone but I was sure I was doing the right thing, after all I was at church. What a fool I was! Shortly after this, he told me he had decided that we would break up and nothing that I did or say would make it stay.
Once again I cried and begged but he said he would only wait a few days and then would leave me forever. On Halloween, I arrived back from college (yes, pursuing a college degree as I tore my own house down, a warning to all you out there) and when I got home, his things were no longer there. But this time I was different, without crying and without despair, I texted him that when he left I would close the door on us. I said I was at peace and went to sleep.
The next day, I got up, opened my laptop and began looking for something on the internet to learn about restored marriages. If it was even possible and the next thing I knew God brought me here! I started reading everything offered. I dug into your courses like I was taking a college course (and weeks later I dropped out because I realized I was hungry for His Word and His truth. What else really mattered?) I simply couldn't stop reading each and everything. I also immediately started putting the principles into practice.
A week later, I found out about OW (other woman) who was one of his “friends” at church and it brought with it immense pain. I spent 30 days feeling unbearable pain in my chest, it was the worst thing I’ve ever felt. Once again I cried and begged for my husband to come back to me, but he said he would only stay a few days and leave me again. Is that what I wanted? I realized I couldn’t do it in the flesh, I needed to put my trust and heart in His care.
How did God change your situation, Ellen, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I practiced letting go, I decided I didn't care, I didn't look, I didn't send messages, nor did I ask for help from him in anything. Despite being alone with my son, paying rent and being unemployed. I finally left him free to live however he wanted to live and trust that if it was His plan, God would turn his heart back to me. I literally disappeared from him. Off of social media, I was gone for good. And that's when God started to act. One night I was alone at home and he called me. I am glad I answered because I hadn’t answered his calls or texts. I was told by a friend that he was traveling that day, so when I answered the phone he asked me to open the door saying he was home and just parking the car. He came in, we talked for a while and we were intimate. I remember that he repeated several times that I was different, that I had changed a lot and was I involved with anyone. I felt led not to answer. I just smiled and said nothing.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Ellen, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The principles that helped me the most were letting go, being quiet (disappearing gave him time to both heal and think about me) and winning without words. Each was fundamental since he often called me just to get nasty with me and it hurt me a lot. So disappearing was clearly God’s plan to help me heal as well.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Ellen?
The most difficult moment was when I found out about OW (other woman) mainly because I knew her because she lives on the same street that we used to live on. After we got back together, he invited me to live with him at my mother-in-law's house, since I was unable to pay the rent. This phase was also very hard in my journey because it was horrible to be in the same house as him knowing that he was dating and yet he came to me for intimacy and promised to end the relationship. I was ridiculed, humiliated by his family and mine for accepting that situation. But God honored me and removed her from his mind and heart.
Ellen, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was when God changed everything in my favor even though I didn't deserve it. I say this because I was weak. I fell into the enemy's trap and ended up getting involved with an OM (other man), a guy from a company where I once worked for. Even in this situation God had mercy on me and forgave me. When EH (earthly husband) found out I had been involved with someone else, he went into total despair and started chasing me. (I want to make it clear that I am not proud of it, in fact I am ashamed to talk about it, because I set a bad example but God does things as he wants). The shame that wants to envelop me now is simply not worth it. The only good is that I am able to see the shame husbands may come home with and why they act the way they do.
Tell us HOW it happened, Ellen? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Ellen, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My EH (earthly husband) started sending me messages saying that he loved me, that I was the woman of his life and that he couldn’t exist without me. I never replied but I didn’t block him either. He came to talk to me and said he wanted our marriage back but I still said nothing in reply. He sent messages to my friends asking them for help to get the “woman of his dreams” back. He asked me for forgiveness for all the mistakes he made and asked me to start over, fresh, from scratch.
Our HH (Heavenly Husband) is really beautiful. Who knew things would change so much?! Today we are together and building our home. My EH (earthly husband) says daily that he loves me and several times I’ve caught him just staring at me, loving me. We must do our part nevertheless it is God who has taken care of this restoration. I am a deep sinner who is unworthy. Thank you, Lord!
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Ellen?
Yes. I recommend the book "How God can and will restore your marriage” to start, take the courses and watch the videos as each was instrumental in my journey.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Ellen?
Yes of course!
Either way, Ellen, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
My loved ones, do not give up! No matter what the situation is, no matter how humiliated and ridiculed you have been. Even if you fall into the pit of sin as I did. God is going to perform a miracle for you if you trust Him “Stand and watch the salvation of your marriage. But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!” 2 Chronicles 20:17
Find more understanding and to overcome the hurdles: #Letting Go and #WWW "won without a word" and #Gentle & Quiet Spirit simply click on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.
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You'll find this in By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 10): "Blessings will Come and Overtake You"
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