RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “The Two of Us Were Still Sharing the Same Bed”

♕ Today's Promise: "Were it not for the Lord's help, I would already be dwelling in silence." Psalm 94:17

 

 

☊ RMT Audio

Arina, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?

We had been married for almost 19 years when I started to feel that things were not going well between us. My EH (earthly husband) was cold and distant. I, who was still a contentious and a VERY silly woman, started to confront him, always asking what was happening to him, trying to force him to talk, and this, of course, only made things worse between us. Then, in November, on my birthday, I was sure that there was something very wrong. The man who was always very affectionate and attentive, on that day of all days, was extremely cold and only celebrated my birthday by "obligation." From that day on (until I found your ministry), I started desperately looking for evidence of what was going on, and as God says, when you seek you will find! 

Finding out that he was with OW (other woman) and as if that weren't enough, she was my "friend" at work, I went ballistic. I insanely confronted him, asking for an explanation, I called the OW (other woman) (how crazy). However, both denied it and there was no way to prove it. Even though they both denied it, I was sure it was true, so my world collapsed. From then on, things got worse and worse. My jealousy, regular confrontations and just being a bit insane, he got more and more distant and I got hurt every day and buried myself even more in my foolishness. 

As I already knew God (from hearing about Him but not having a true personal relationship with Him or His Son) and truly believed that marriage was for life. I started to turn to Him, however, I neglected to give up my destructive behavior. And the more I tried to resolve it in my own strength, the more my marriage fell apart. At each of the December parties, including our wedding anniversary (which was this month), I felt empty and powerless. Everything he did left me feeling horrible: if he was cold I would fall apart, if he was attentive, I thought it was fake and was disgusted. 

How did God change your situation, Arina, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

It was in the month of January when I discovered some of his conversations with OW (other woman) about their relationship and they even talked about child custody; and even worse, I discovered this the night before his birthday, after all the celebrations were scheduled. I had the most challenging night of my life, my desire was to end all lies. I decided I would enjoy the event, then in front of all our friends and family I would "tell-all" and show everyone just "who he was”! But it was on that day that the Lord began to break me. 

I spent the night battling with the Lord, as He began to show me who I really was! That I was responsible for everything that was happening. I started to see mySELF, the size of my EGO, that led to the quarrelsome, contentious, Pharisee, hypocritical woman and "owner of the world"  person that I was. I understood that I had been deceiving people for a long time, demonstrating a "holiness" that was not true. In fact, I was managing to deceive myself. I also understood that the real reason why I was going through this situation was because the Lord had been trying to get my attention for a long time and I did not give any true importance to Him. 

From that night on, the Lord began to shape my character, and I have since decided that I would only take a step IF I went with the Lord's permission. And my first attitude in total obedience to my Beloved Lord, was to keep all plans for my husband's birthday celebrations, because my HH (Heavenly Husband) told me that I should honor him, regardless of his behavior. (How difficult it was I can never describe.) Since then, I have been coming day after day, completely surrendering to my HH (Heavenly Husband) and I have found that nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important to me than Him. How I praise and thank You for not giving up on me, beloved of my soul. "How happy is the man you discipline, Lord, the one you teach your law to." Psalms 94:12 "Were it not for the Lord's help, I would already be dwelling in silence." Psalm 94:17 

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Arina, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

There were so many principles that I learned that I can't even list them, but some were critically fundamental in my Restoration Journey. Even before I threw myself into the arms of my HH (Heavenly Husband), I already understood that I shouldn't share any of this with anyone, except Him. However, the Word of God and the resources of RMI, strengthened me in this decision, and so, this was one of the principles that I manage to keep faithfully and still keep today. "Our help is in the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth." Psalms 124.8 Keeping silent (winning without words) and not seeking explanations from my EH (earthly husband) , is one of the most difficult principles to maintain, but the Lord has sustained me. "In the same way, women, each subject yourself to your husband, so that if he does not obey the word, he will be won without words." 1 Peter 3: 1 Another principle that has made a lot of difference in my Restoration Journey is not to be contentious, instead to try to be kind and gentle. "It is better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and embittered woman." Proverbs 21:19 "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, are sweet to the soul and bring healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Arina?

Great were the struggles waged in this process of restoration, but the Lord has never forsaken me. Even when I wanted to give up, and throw it all away, my Beloved and beautiful HH (Heavenly Husband) took care of me, as I had never been taken care of. "It strengthens the tired and gives great strength to those who are weak." Isaiah 40:29 The turmoil of emotions I faced after discovering that my marriage was not as solid as everyone thought it was, was practically maddening. And I struggled against my mind that insisted on wanting to dissect and discuss every scene that I had become aware of, even though I hadn't seen anything. But at those times I poured myself into the loving arms of my HH (Heavenly Husband) and he always quieted my heart and made me know that everything was in HIS control and made me see the beautiful things He was planning for me. 

Arina, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

One day, after a very difficult week, with many struggles at work and countless completely unpleasant discoveries, I said a prayer to the Lord giving up everything. I said that I couldn't stand to fight for my marriage anymore, that I was basically giving up and that I was no longer interested in restoration. My focus and lessons would be only to get closer to Him. I said that everything was up to Him, and that all my prayers now would be just to get closer to Him.

That very same day, I discovered that my EH (earthly husband) had blocked the OW (other woman) on our social network page (we share the same page that I never logged into but was informed by another friend). I was so amazed that I had no words to thank my Beloved, as this was one of the requests I made most in my prayers early on. Only then did I realize that I was really understanding the principle of leaving my HH (Heavenly Husband) in control of everything and that He knew exactly the right time and every detail of my restoration journey. 

In the days that followed, I also noticed that my EH (earthly husband) had deleted the OW (other woman)  contact from his cell phone. I want to make it clear, that I had access to this information by chance, that I was not "snooping" (lol). In fact, I believe that my Beloved provided everything for me to know this information because He was saying softly to me: "Rest on Me, I know what you need and I am taking care of everything." Our HH (Heavenly Husband) is beautiful and I have no words to describe how much I am in love with Him. 

Tell us HOW it happened, Arina? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Arina, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

My EH (earthly husband)  never left the house, our detachment happened with the two of us still sharing the same bed, which was extremely difficult. After I discovered the RMI and started to apply the principles contained in the available materials and in the Bible (which I can no longer distance myself from as His Word is everything to me), things started to change. I stopped being contentious, started living and taking pleasure in submitting to my EH (earthly husband)  and, consequently, he got closer to me. We went back to talking about any topic and laughing together. But I still felt insecure, as I knew that contact with OW (other woman) had not ceased. However, days after I found out that he had blocked all contact with OW (other woman), we were returning from an exam, which he had to do but he insisted that I accompany him, when he started talking to me about OW (other woman). 

Among many things that he declared to me that he could no longer bear to have contact with her, that they had had a final discussion (sounded like a violent fight), and that he took the opportunity to exclude and block her from every means possible and from that moment on, he was asking God to strengthen him to that he would not go back and that the Lord would restore everything that had been lost!! Can you imagine how stunned I was to hear those words?

My EH (earthly husband) went on to say that because he wanted to walk according to the Lord's purposes for our marriage and especially for His life, he wanted to become the man of God he should be and (basically) become my spiritual leader (just not in those exact words). We had an amazing conversation with me saying little to nothing, just nodding and smiling. 

I praise my Beloved because He helped me manage and control my emotions while keeping silent. "Despite this, I have this certainty: I will live until I see the Lord's goodness on earth. Wait on the Lord. Be strong! Courage! Wait on the Lord." Psalm 27: 13,14 

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Arina?

Yes, absolutely! I recommend that you read the books "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" and then be sure to read the "Wise Woman" if you really believe your marriage will be restored because it gets you ready for this to happen. I also recommend each of the Abundant Life Courses, reading the Devotionals and daily encourager each morning before the lessons. But I mainly recommend the daily reading of the Bible, where you will be sure of everything that the materials available at RMI contain. "Rather, he takes pleasure in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night." Psalm 1: 2

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Arina? 

Yes, certainly.

Either way, Arina, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

First of all, understand that this journey of restoration is not about the restoration of your marriage solely and exclusively. In fact, this was the way the Lord knew would draw you to Him and get your attention. So, if you haven't already, immediately start putting God where He should always be, at the center, and above all, in control of your life. I can guarantee that you will experience the greatest experience of your entire life. And never give up! Divorce should not be an option. But if it happens (or happened), stay strong, because our God is a specialist in turning a curse into a blessing. "And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, of those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28