Isaiah 54:10 (NIV) Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
My Love allowed something to be revealed that I did not expect, it shook me and turned my existence upside down. What was revealed played havoc with my mind and thoughts, it was something that I thought would never happen again because I trusted my HH “Heavenly Husband”. I was ashamed and embarrassed and I think most of all my pride took a huge knock.
Isaiah 43:10-12 (NIV) “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me, there is no savior I have revealed and saved and proclaimed— I, and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God”.
There are 2 words in the above scripture that He showed me later, the 2 words are revealed and witness. He revealed 2 pictures of my EH “earthly husband” with the OW “other women”. I did not go looking or snooping, these pictures were revealed to me as my EH has his Gmail set up on my son’s tablet and I was trying to save something. This took place while my EH and I were working in the same building on the same floor in different departments more than a year ago. A while back if you go through #Atarah in South Africa you will read about a letter that was sent to me warning me about what was taking place. Looking back now I believe that my Love was protecting me through His word because I decided to trust my HH and what His word said about what was happening and not a letter that was sent to me.
Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
What I am ashamed to tell you today and what I am guilty of is forwarding these pictures to my EH in my hurt and confusion because I wanted answers. I did manage to not question him when he came home. In the middle of the night, I just cried to my HH in my extreme hurt, pain, and confusion. My EH woke up as he heard my crying and explained to me about being manipulated by the OW and how he was just stupid for allowing himself to fall into the pit again apologising. He kept repeating how stupid he felt, lacking sense and how he was blackmailed by the OW telling him that she would show me the pics when he ended it with her. Looking back this really feels like I was being set up which is Chapter 8 “You’re Being Set-Up” in the Living the Abundant Life that I still would like to read again a few times to journal, ponder and speak to my Love about. Thankfully He protected me because these pictures were not revealed to me at that time but more than a year later.
I went through all the feelings. I was shocked, I was hurt, it took me 2 weeks to sort through my hurt, bitterness, embarrassment. I also felt a lot of bitterness, anger and resentment towards the OW because she had befriended me. I even wondered what my prior colleagues would think… what would the other Ministers think… I told no-one. My precious, beautiful and wonderful HH was there while I worked through my feelings alone with Him. At times I was so upset wondering how could this happen again after being restored, after being remarried… But He is so gracious, this happened while I have been reading through Isaiah so He has been revealing why He revealed this to me and why it happened. It happened because I am His WITNESS. To tell you, Brides, all that He has revealed to me through what He allowed me to see so that I can be His WITNESS.
Looking back I realised that my Love had already worked on my EH heart and changed him so much to be transformed into the husband and provider he is for our family today—before He had revealed what had happened to me. He just allowed what had been revealed when He wanted it to be revealed because I am precious to Him and He loves me.
Dear Brides, don’t allow yourself to struggle in heartache, bitterness, anger or any other negative feelings He takes you through. Once a problem, trial or issue has been revealed to you, take it to the One who loves you. Take it to your HH as a bride. Don’t let it consume you. I still struggle with negative feelings and flashbacks but that is when I know I need MORE of my Love, my HH. I need to spend more time with Him, telling Him how I feel and reading His word so that He can wash me with His word (Ephesians 5:26-27) and cleanse me of all my negative emotions and replace it with His truth and love for me.
PS. I will share more of what He has revealed in His word in next week Tuesday’s Encourager.
“Better for Me Then, than Now”