Hello my brothers in our Lord. It's my first praise report I felt I needed to share with you what I went through in the last two weeks.
Halfway through the month, the mother of my daughter said she did not want to have and have a more stable relationship when I mentioned marriage, because we are not legally married. This is the second time that this has happened. The first time was a year before. As a result of this rejection, I was in really, really bad shape. I lost weight, I took medicines to sleep, and sought help everywhere: help from a psychologist, a spiritualist center, churches, and several other paid services. I was completely lost—I could not even work!
Everything changed the day I searched on the internet and typed marriage help and found the RMI HopeAtLast.com site and found hope! I immediately started reading the book How God can and will restore your marriage and went on to consume A Wise Man. It was from these, all that I was reading is when I started to have a very close, deep relationship with God, the Father.
What happened next was nothing short of miraculous. After three months horrible months of anguish, fear, loneliness (human)—all left me—oh, and at the same time, my anger was gone! Realizing that my feelings were a mess, I simply asked God to show me what to do just as we're taught to do here. So simple and so powerful!
It was then He showed me the relationship I lacked, the Lord being my Brother, who laid His life down for His closest friend, me! I was so excited as He urged me to begin reading more of your free books and applying the principles and seeking God, discussing things with my Brother after reading the book Roberto recommended Finding the Abundant Life that had helped him.
A few months later, the mother of my daughter and I started to have more time together and a certain amount of intimacy (but I no longer felt right about this when we were not married so I would never let it get this far before I'd say I had to go).
Rather than cause her to reject me, the following month we became even closer and she told me she was giving a chance for "us" but because of our daughter. The rest of the year I confess was a huge struggle and learning on my part. I continued to read the praise reports and daily devotionals that I began receiving by email. I even began to tithe for a period but stopped.
Immediately the things of the world were drawing me back and I began moving away from God, reading His Word readings, and no longer visited and was spiritually fed from the RMI site.
I was becoming the old man God had transformed and that's when He removed "lover and friend from me" and my daughter's mother told me to stay away from her and my daughter. I started remembers things from the past, I realized I had not been able to forgive, did things for revenge. It was one of the worst things I've gone through in my life in the eyes of God. Learning the truth, having a close relationship with Him, only to go back to the old me. I regret this so very much.
One day I stopped, knelt down and asked God to show me what had happened, my life, it was all wrong. And I asked for His will to be done to correct the things that were wrong in all my relationships. Sometime later she contacted me again with very harsh words. Two days before, I'd had a dream in which she said that she wanted nothing to do with me. When she came to talk and said she wanted to separate again, I was paralyzed because I had already been warned in a dream.
As of today, once again, I'm without my family, my wife, and my daughter.
After this jolt, I returned to your site and I'm doing the course 1 and began course two. I am again closer to our God, the Father and have my Brother back.
I'm struggling again. I lost weight and I am very confused, but I am seeking God every time I feel depressed, anxious, afraid and ask my Brother to stay close to me.
One of the things that's most difficult is the ''LET GO" principle. I fall back, again and again, making the mistake of wanting to do good for her to want me again. Each time I do, I am met with such vile words and rejection. I feel that this is one of my weaknesses that the enemy is using to destroy my family. My relationship with my Spiritual family needs to meet all my needs.
Over the weekend, I am thankful to say, we had our first moment of intimacy and affection when we met. It wasn't at all immoral, just the affection and intimacy of close friends. It's clearly a miracle from God because it was only the other day when she seemed and acted like another person. She even made it a point of telling me not to hope, that "we" would never happen. And I realized that she was stuck things in the world. Already the other day she asked me to sleep together in the same bed for the first time after her request to end the relationship for good. I explained it had to be to sleep only (which was hard) but I could sense she felt the calmness that I've found so it turned out very well.
For the first time, I've been in contact with an ePartner after the weekend I went searching to find a site to pray for other men. I asked him to go through the course with me after I started with the RMI courses for the third time. So we are halfway through, sharing what we learned, and this has really helped me tremendously. It has been almost a month that I began to truly began to feel good again after you feeding me spiritually again. I also made sure to set up my tithe and this time I added an offering that goes to help widows and children here locally (after reading the Opening the Heavens chapter seeing that when I stopped is when it had gone all wrong).
I'm closer to God again and I can't stop praising Him for bringing me back, so I could put Him first again. When I asked for His will, His will was to take away my daughter's mother, daughter, and family in order for me to come back to Him and have the Father and Brother in first place. As men, we are stubborn and need hard times for us to learn where our priorities need to lie.
I just have to thank God, our Father, and our Lord, my Brother for being by my side. I Love You and pray I stay with You for the rest of my life.
"But I have this against you, that you left [again] your first love" Revelation 2: 4.
We must seek God first, always and forever. Nothing in this life can be placed above our precious God, our Father. He has to be our first Love.
“You [God] have removed my acquaintances far from me; You have made me an object of loathing to them; I am shut up and cannot go out.” Psalm 88:8 He had to take away my family, my wife, my daughter, again, to rescue me from where I was headed—back to the world and acting like the old man I used to be.
“She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first Husband [the Lord], for it was better for me then than now!’” Hosea 2:7
She came back to me but not completely, because our Lord and my God had not yet finished His work in me for the sake of the mother of my daughter and my daughter.
"... You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
His will be done! His truth will free us from ourselves.
~ Daniel in São Paulo