I know this is not my RMT yet, but i know i will submit it in my Love’s perfect time and i felt lead to submit this as i know it will inspire many who are hurting like me. My EH had asked me to move back to his parent’s home, where we used to stay because of the condition of my pregnancy. He is really adamant about it during previous conversations but i did not push further knowing whatever he decides it would be for the best since the Lord appointed him as my covering. I was going through preterm labor when i went to have myself checked yesterday and i am too early to deliever. so i was advised to go home and rest for the meantime while we are waiting for the full dilation of my cervix, which will take a while since this is my first baby.
My EH offered to let me stay in their house which is near the hospital in case i gave birth anytime, and i praise my love that he is softening my EH heart to me and my baby. I don’t know how long will i be staying here but my EH told me maybe until i gave birth. I was just talking to my beloved the other week as i had surrendered all my worries to Him about the situation regarding my delivery, there are so many concerns i had given to him, and all these situations come together that i couldn’t even imagine.
I had left their home almost 6 months ago and this is where i stayed for almost 8 years. Last night, as we lie on the same bed, i felt loneliness for my HH since i miss him and our sanctuary which is my prayer closet where i am staying for the past few months. I tell him in my mind how i have seen how strong the hold of the enemy is to my EH even when he is at the hospital with me but i have faith knowing my beloved’s grace is sufficient for me. As my contractions come and go, and seeing the devil’s hold on my EH on those painful times, i kept on talking to my Love to please cover me in His grace, and that He is all i want and i need and He is my life. When i awoke at dawn and realize where i was, i admit, it was hard for me to be in this place because of all the memories that we spent here, knowing he is sleeping next to me but not able to touch him, i whisper to my beloved to spare me from this and that i don’t want to feel this longingness for my EH but to Him only, but He told me this is the agape love that He put inside me for my EH.
He told me that my journey is like my pregnancy just like what Erin said in her lessons. As i am now anticipating the birth of my son, as i want to hold him so much, he is not yet ready so i endure each painful contractions anticipating that it is getting nearer the more intense it takes. The waiting is really anxious, and so is the pain that comes with it but the miracle of life and giving glory to His name after is what makes it all worth it. I smiled and felt His warm embrace enfolding me. I used to dream of this moment before to be able to just lie next to my EH, and when it happened, there is someone else i long for, i want so much to be with, there is someone i am looking for and i ended up talking to Him on my mind all night long cause i know where my heart truly is.
Whatever is being thrown against me, whatever scheme the enemy is using to steal my peace will have no major effect against me, yes, it still hurts but now i know that since the Lord, my Love is with me, WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME.
Joshua 1:9 NIV “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
This is the verse that is given to me today that helped me clear and renew my mind from the enemy’s scheme cause i know he will not give up easily. But i have confidence knowing when the battle is the Lord’s, victory is ours.