I Was Searching for “Happiness”

♕ Today's Promise: "For He has said I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Well, there are many facets of the LORD's faithfulness throughout the last two years. In January 2022 it will be two years since I left my home and began an adulterous relationship with a man I met at a secular treatment center for addiction. I was searching for "happiness". I told myself I was neglected and that my husband never really loved me.. I recoil at the thought of what I did and the pain I caused.. I do not even recognize that woman..

But I know that the the LORD allowed this trial for the betterment of me and for me to be completely refined..I am also SO thankful my EH (earthly husband) did not take me back two years ago or I never would have changed!! I was so broken, and in need of a Savior (although I would have told you that I already had Him out of my pharisee spirit). I had been numbing the pain of my childhood wounds with alcohol for many years and once I completed school to go to ministry in some of the darkest places. My wounds got deeper..

Praise God I have been clean and healed from addiction for almost two years! The LORD used the hardest times in my life as the adulterous woman. He has also healed me from seeking attention of edification from an earthly man!! PRAISE GOD! I lost my family, my acreage, my car, my dignity, many close friends because of what I did.. All the while the pandemic began and I was working in the hospital right in the thick of it, ministering to people out of my own brokenness. While I was pursuing my EH for the first year and not working on my intimate relationship with the LORD as I had not yet discovered RMI, the LORD again allowed me to break even more.. I remember so many nights on the ground rolling in pain or face down in the carpet weeping asking the LORD to just stop the pain.. ALL OF IT..

But He sustained me and brought me through, and as of late I have brought more bibles to people and brought more people the GOOD NEWS and shared my own painful journey in some aspects and how only the LORD can heal those deep wounds!! I never thought I would witness to people in the hospital. However through my own brokenness the LORD has spoken clear to me that I am being used as His spokesperson! And I never want to miss an opportunity to share the GOOD NEWs and HOPE of our Savior!!

All that to say my answered prayers are so many to count!! He has healed me, given me courage and strength and allowed me to keep walking forward and LET GO of my EH (earthly husband) in my heart and physically as I have been praying.. I want ALL of Him and for Him to have all of me. The rest is in His capable hands. Tonight is Christmas Eve, and no my EH will not be with us, and last year this time I would have been anxious and out of sorts. Tonight I am so thrilled to be with my beautiful children and my HH (Heavenly Husband) and thank Him for all He has done for me!!! Healing, wholeness, peace, freedom and HOPE..

Praising His faithfulness!!

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the couple of the wicked or stand in the way of sinner." Psalm 1:1

"For He has said I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain. Move from here to there and it will move, Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt. 17:20

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

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