“Honor marriage, and let married people be faithful to one another. God will surely judge those who commit sexual immorality and those who commit adultery.” H134
Something I used to do much younger, when I was [mistakenly] dating, was to get out of one relationship and look for another as soon as I could to fill the void I felt. That thought pattern hit me this week.... what if I could rebuild my life with someone else?? Isn't it unfair that he “can” and I can't?? I'm still so young... Do I have to be alone while he can “enjoy” a new relationship?? What if he finds a “better” OW and converts to God... would he be saved and then be able to live with the OW in marriage? Lord, would you still honor my marriage??
I told my Husband: —“The only way for me is for him to die and I to be free to rebuild my life... It doesn’t seem fair to me that I should be the one who has to die so he can do what he wants! But I also know that this thought is bad and it’s not something I want to ask you to do, you know, ask you to take his life... I’d rather you take mine, go with you to heaven and let go of this cross.” In this I see His mercy... what is unfair for me is mercy for my husband, because HE only expects those who are far from HIM to find HIM.
—“There are those who do not marry because they were born unfit for marriage; others because men made them unfit ; and still others because they do not wish to do so for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Whoever is able to accept this, let him accept it.” Matthew 19:12
This verse seems completely forgotten in all the church sermons regarding marriage and divorce, I have never heard it in any of the many sermons I have heard about marriage and divorce, the Lord said it to the Pharisees who questioned his legal “permission” to divorce and even his own disciples [his followers, like you and me] considered that principle to be TOO hard to want to follow:
“Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because of your stubbornness ,” Jesus replied. “But it was not so from the beginning. I tell you, except in the case of sexual immorality [fornication, which is before marriage during the betrothal, as when Joseph was going to divorce Mary for being pregnant with the Holy Spirit], whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery.” “If this is the situation between a husband and wife,” the disciples commented , “it is better not to marry.” “Not everyone can understand this matter,” Jesus replied, “but only those to whom it has been given to understand.” M19812
What my Beloved has spoken to my heart is that when there is a divorce we are left “unfit” for remarriage, instead as Paul mentioned “Now to the married I give this command (not from me but from the Lord): The wife is not to depart from her husband; but if she does depart, she is to remarry or else be reconciled to her husband . In the same way, the husband is not to divorce his wife.” 1C710
God is a defender of marriage, HE himself teaches us by his example, He does not give up on us DESPITE our thousands of infidelities, we see that example in the book of Hosea and throughout all the Scriptures in his relationship with the people of Israel, that is why I believe that HE honors marriage and urges us not to forget the promise we made to HIM to love, care for and respect that person until death. Many may think that it is too hard to be alone for the rest of your life when the other was the one who failed, that is why we are encouraged to forgive and reconcile or remain unmarried, because they are the two ways to honor marriage, that is the narrow path. God said that they could get divorced so that there would be peace between spouses and children, but He did not say that this annulled the promise we made to him at the altar.
“LORD, who may dwell in your temple? Who may ascend your holy hill? Only the one who walks truthfully, who does what is right , who thinks and speaks the truth... and the one who respects the one who fears the LORD; who keeps his promise, even if he has to sacrifice for it [even if it costs him harm] ” S154 PDT
“When you make a promise to God, do not delay in fulfilling it, because God does not take pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him.” E54
In Ezekiel 37 God first asked him to prophesy so that the bones would be ORDERED and once ordered He could send His spirit to give life [blessing]. He will honor a union that is in order in His eyes. (Remember to read Chapter 12 of the RYM book if you are in a second, third, etc... marriage, this being my first marriage.) He let me know in my case that He would not honor a remarriage for my husband and that what He would ask of him would be to order his life as it says in Ezra 10. He is a God of order! And He will honor my marriage as long as I am faithful to Him and honor Him by remaining only with Him as my Husband, without defiling myself.
Seeking another partner or husband would turn me into the leaven that contaminates the next generation with the message that we can remarry, when the truth is, it is not His will. This is the cause of the divorce epidemic in His church! Those who decided to remake their lives above what our Lord teaches us diluted the value of marriage. Instead of it being a union to fight for untile a contract that ends when one of the two has sinned through sexual immorality and the other does not want to forgive. However, death, it became we all know that even within the church, divorce is permitted for many other reasons.
Our testimony of remaining unmarried conveys the correct message that it is VERY important to choose a husband according to God's will and, once married, to protect the marriage because there is NO other option. Since remarriage was permitted, ignoring the truth of God's will and His strong commitment to it, respect for marriage, which is truly an individual covenant with God, has been lost. The covenant between husband and wife is important, but it is not even greater than the covenant each person makes with God during the marriage ceremony.
As for my question: “Why can he rebuild his life and I can’t?” The truth is he shouldn’t either, and if he does and remains in that sin, he will simply be condemning himself because “neither fornicators nor adulterers will be deceived... they will inherit the kingdom of heaven” (1 Corinthians 6:69). This is true for us because my husband knew the truth before we were married and accepted the Lord as his Savior. I know this is a hard message; it has been for me because I know it could mean completely giving up on my dream of having a family, but I must talk about it because I can’t tear out the pages of the Bible and pretend that He didn’t mean what He said to me. At this point in my journey, remaining single is my testimony and my message to the next generation that I honor marriage, I honor my covenant with my Beloved, and it is my way of saying to HIM: “I would rather die than want a family and an earthly husband than lose You because You truly are EVERYTHING to me, You are the Man I love above all else.”
Ultimately, this isn't about chasing restoration or an earthly husband, but about fulfilling what I promised Him. It reminds me of these words I said, "I promise to love you through thick and thin." And yes, my dear ones, these are the bad times... We already know that love is also letting go , but even when I've been asked to separate, I can keep my promise to my Beloved by staying with Him as my Husband.
I hope to encourage you to stay on the narrow path, trusting that our Beloved is the best and most faithful Husband we could ever find!
"Israel, Israel, I will marry you again, and you will be my wife forever . When you are my wife, you will truly come to know me; I will be your faithful, sincere, and loving husband. " O29
Hello dear Anastasia,I just wanted to thank you for the beautiful blog you share with us. Just yesterday, I was reading the lesson “They don’t have it…” as well as “Letting Go,” and they truly resonated with me.Earlier this week, our precious Husband gave me a verse to remind me that even when we feel alone… we are not. He led me to Isaiah 62:4-6:
“No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married…”
This passage touched me deeply.I found myself asking the same questions you did…And gently, He reminded me that I am loved, wanted, and that I belong completely to Him.Thank you again for your heart and for the treasures you share with us.You’re not alone in what you feel. 🌸
Thank you for your comment, beautiful. Knowing that I am deeply loved by my Celestial Husband has certainly made all the difference at this point in my journey. The pain isn’t acute and hasn’t reached the point of depression or destruction. It’s wonderful to feel His protection and support. It’s wonderful to be able to feel peace and hope no matter what’s happening in the natural world.
Thank you, dear Anastasia, there was a point in my journey where I asked the same questions, but in time my Beloved gave me peace regarding my situation and remaining unmarried. It took a while but once I was able to let go of the questions and just surrendering my will for His, I found the Abundant Life He died to give me. And although I am “a single divorced” women in the worlds eyes, I know I am His and my Maker is my Husband.
I love the verse Kathleen shared because it also spoke to my heart when I read it the first time:
“No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married…”
That’s precisely why my Husband led me to publish this post, because it’s a question that was running through my overwhelming mind, and I realized it wasn’t His idea. Therefore, after my Beloved made me understand the truth, He guided me to publish it for all those who are going through the same question. Surprisingly, He led me to go through this first to encourage other restored brides who are going through similar situations. He is good and desires that we all experience peace and joy in the midst of the storm; it is truly possible.
As you know, most of us ladies here can relate to the pain and unfairness of a broken marriage. Even though I am restored, at times I find myself questioning if He really wanted us to be restored and if it would have been better if I remained single. It’s hard to understand why the Lord allows things to happen, but His word does say it’s for our good. Staying true to His will is not easy unless we constantly seek that intimate relationship with Him everyday, but your words are an encouragement to trust Him, even when it feels impossible. Thank you for sharing and being honest with your thoughts. I can see a big testimony from you in the future! *Hugs 💕
Amen! Thank you, Hope. I also believe in the goodness of my Beloved and that His plans will never be thwarted; what He promised will be fulfilled.
Even though l am restored l know that if my earthly husband decides that he does not want to be married anymore that l need to remain single as long as he is alive and if that were to happen l know that l would be MORE than ok l would be happy because my HH is all l need. The happiest time in my life was during my separation and divorce because l had no choice but to cling to Him and eventually l developed a very intimate relationship because of the heartache and hurt that only HE could heal 🙌🏼
Anastasia you are in the perfect place to minister to so many hurting women out there. l strongly believe that what you are going thru is for the testimony and His glory.
We dont go thru trials for no reason ever!
l agree with Hope that l see a big testimony that will be revealed in the future 🙌🏼
It’s true, Atarah, going through this has made me, once again, more sensitive to the suffering of women who arrive for the first time. It’s certainly not what it used to be, and I feel very comfortable in the loving arms of my Husband, but I can identify with the kinds of questions that returned to my mind, and which my Beloved led me to share because many are going through the same thing. And I agree with you; we will see a testimony for His glory!