‘Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. ‘
Malachi 3:10
The only time God told us to TEST him.. I confess, I stopped tithing for a few months because I was afraid that what we had will not be enough… I was foolish to open a door for the devourer to steal from me… Which again, was my EH… The moment he left for work (in a different country), he left me again…
But I know He will use it for good… And the good was for me to go back to my First Love, again.. Because I left him, when my marriage got restored.. Fellow Brides, don’t.. Don’t attempt to do it… Just don’t!
This time, I was more eager to be his Bride again.. Like a Bride 2.0. A Bride that won’t ever let His hand go…. Of course, He lovingly told me to tithe again… Which I obeyed immediately.. I was using my old email address at that time…
When I did that, my situation did not change. It got worse! Two weeks of very painful words being said, truth that I didn’t want to hear.. But you know what? I was at peace in the midst of it.. The devourer was not able to steal my peace this time… I was hurt, yes.. Having to go through separation again, I struggled. But this time, I knew what I had to do.. Which was to let go, and He carefully took hold of my hand when I did.
‘I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the Lord Almighty. ‘
Malachi 3:11
I went back to all of the courses, read Prison to Praise. I submitted a new MEQ, I used a different BNN.. (which means “Grace Again”).. I journaled this time, and sent a lot of Praise Reports! Now after a month, I’m back to being His bride again! This time I will be loyal and will never turn my back on Him again…
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Few days ago, I received my pay check. I thanked Him, then tithed… Using my new BNN.. After that, I paid for all of my bills.. There’s still left for me to get by for half a month before my next pay check.. I thanked Him again, for providing for me…
But, the house rent is still unpaid.. Something my salary really can’t afford… The last time I spoke with my EH, he said he will help me up until a certain time only to pay for my rent. Two weeks of no contact, so I was unsure if the offer was still true… I just trusted Him.. I know He will take care of it..
The next day (after I tithed), my EH sent me a message… I confess my heart just dropped. The last time we spoke our conversation was too painful for me to bear. I specifically told Him, I don’t want to receive any messages from him yet…. I told Him I was not ready.. Still, He allowed for it to happen, so maybe I am ready.. I was at the office during that time, I ran to the toilet and prayed this over and over again until I calmed down..
“I will not fear evil tidings; My heart is fixed, trusting in You. ” – Psalms 112:7
I did not respond immediately, I waited for a few hours… And when I opened it, it was just “Kamusta ka?” Which means, “How are You?”
I laughed, because I got so scared and that was it… It was something I don’t even need to be afraid of!
I responded by telling him I was ok then I asked him how we was as well…
He told me he just wanted to check on me, and that I don’t need to worry about the rent. That he will still pay for it, even the loan that we took from the bank before he left.. This time he did not mention anything about up until when he will pay for it..
Isn’t He amazing? Just a day after I tithed, He used my EH to provide for me… Not only that, I told Him I want to apologise to my EH once he contacted me again. So I did, He gave me an opportunity to apologise to him, to thank him….
My EH’s response was something I did not expect, he apologised that he was only thinking about himself and not what I will feel… That everything was all of a sudden. He was sorry that I had to go through this situation again. That in his heart, he does not want me to leave our home. The home that we built… That his emotions are playing games with him….
If I was the same person a month ago, my heart would’ve been broken into many pieces again.. But this time it didn’t.. It did not hurt anymore… I was more of feeling sorry for him, because I know that the love he is looking for is the love that I get from my HH.. That he won’t be able to get it from me or another woman.. but from Him alone… That the only way for him to feel complete, is when he has Jesus in his life..
This time I know that even without my EH, I am perfectly fine… I have all that I need because I have Him… I am no longer afraid of the future, because I know He already planned it for me… He only wants the best for me!
My Beloved, how wonderful it is to read this praise! It’s exactly how I feel about my EH. I feel more compassion and sorrow for him because he doesn’t have the relationship he truly needs, and only He can fill that emptiness he feels, just as you say. The situation I’m going through is similar to yours. Although I’ve had to struggle a lot with memories, guilt, and self-pity, my Beloved is so faithful that He confirms with you what He has spoken to me throughout the week. I am convinced that He is in control and that He certainly has a wonderful future planned for each of His brides. There’s no reason to fear! We are complete and satisfied in Him. What happiness! Thank you for sharing, my dear!