Again I want to share how much goodness and love my HH had shown toward me, and what I want to write, it’s too long for a PR but I want to tell everyone, how the Lover of my soul satisfies me!
Yesterday, it was the first time for me to attend a wedding after my Restoration Journey started. I don’t like to participate in these events for it only brings pain in my heart whenever I see newlyweds, making vows before the Lord.
So, I skipped the ceremony and just went to the reception after. Seeing everything, was like throwing me back to the same place I have been, only 16 months ago.
The happiness I see in the groom’s eyes reminded me of how glad and joyful my EH seemed when we got married, but then the enemy used his scheme and whisper in my ears the same lies that my EH had been telling me and everyone, that he was pushed into marriage because he was afraid of hurting us since we came from a very long-term relationship.
As I was on my way home, I kept on telling my HH, my Love, to please let me have an intimate time with Him as I badly needed His presence and His love as I was shaken and hurt, but when I got home, my EH was there and he took care of our son. I was later told he was supposed to leave but because our son is crying and couldn’t sleep, he decided not to leave. I know my Love was the one behind it, so I just talked to Him in my head and went to sleep.
Today, He permitted alone time with me and I couldn’t be any more grateful. My EH leaving was turned into something good because I then have the whole day to spend with Him, telling Him how I badly needed Him. During our heartfelt conversation, he directed me to again watch our wedding same day edit video which I had watched many times already. But because He made me do it, I eagerly complied. Again, I witnessed the genuine happiness of my EH during that day, and He kept on telling me that that was true happiness because He was delighted we choose to make things right before him by marrying. He then reminded me he gave us everything, all our hearts desire right after we got married, and even gifted us the wonderful miracle of life, our son. As the video approached the end, what caught my attention for the first time ever was hearing our vows that we made before Him. “One heart, one soul. For better or worst, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” Every time I watch it I was looking at my EH intently trying to examine his countenance if it was really true or my eyes are just deceiving me, not really taking into consideration the true essence of that Marriage and the vow we made.
Before God, my beloved HH, and the people who loved us dearly, we made a commitment that would last until death. Then I remembered asking my love to please just let me live my life alone with Him and it’s Him that I want and his will for my life and He kept on reminding me, telling me He loves me so much and this is not the end, no matter how hopeless everything seems. He then asked me if I love him so much as I proclaim, how could i turn my back away from the promise that I made when He had given me so many promises He wishes to fulfill if I just stayed closely beside Him love him the way He deserves and held onto the promise I made, cause me and my EH are one soul. He reminded me how selfish I would be if I would let my EH fall into sin if I did not change the way He asked of me and made sacrifices he required. That as long as my EH is not saved, so was I because we made a vow that we are one flesh before him.
As much as I want to run away from where I am today, tempted to end things, even prayed to Him to just take me with Him, He is faithful to always remind me of his will for my life. The promises He had given me are so tremendous I could not lasts to watch it until the very end because of my fears, and these are the things that I asked him to take away from me.
As I get before him, cried my heart out while professing my love for him, He whispered in my heart that, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never fails.” And the overflowing love He gave me is the kind of love he wants me to show to my EH, cause without it, I would have nothing to give.
The lover of my soul knows my heart, my desires and at this point in my life, the trust I have for him had caused me to only want and pray for his will to be done in my life. As much as I want to pray for so many things, he knew what’s best for me and I fully surrender my life in his hands.
Day by day, I only asked for his grace and his holy spirit to guide me, to be with me and let me respond the way He wants me to, the way that is pleasing to His eyes, and would bring glory and honor in his name.
I’ve come so far, that if people would ask me if I’d be willing to do this over again, not really knowing the outcome or if my EH would return to us, or when would all of the pain be over, without a heartbeat I’d say yes. Because now, life is finally worth living, and I understand what true love really means it’s something that I didn’t watch in all those romantic movies or fairy tale. It is the love that came from His righteousness that He willingly would give us if only we asked. I would gladly give everything again, lose everything and pursue running towards Him, cause loving him became an insatiable thirst, something I can never get enough and without Him, I am nothing.
Thank you so much for this ministry and for guiding my way in my walk towards him. I love you all so much and may He always bless and guide our way!
Psalm 37:3-7 New International Version (NIV)
“Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.”