"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;your walls are ever before me." Isaiah 49:15-16
Hello beautiful brides,
It's been a few weeks since I've seen my son and he came by for a short visit the other day! My youngest children, ages 4 and 5 get so excited when he comes to visit as do I. I absolutely adore him and need my Loves help to stay calm when he comes by.
This part of my journey has been difficult for me, I sometimes forget why my son's have been removed from me and I feel so much pain and rejection. Loss.
But, I know that it's because I placed them and all my family in place of my First Love In my heart.
The other day I was feeling especially sad thinking about my oldest son. For those of you who have children, maybe you can understand, a first born. They steal your heart. They're with you the longest.
When I became pregnant with my son, I had just turned 18. I was in the middle of a very ugly drug addiction and in a very ugly relationship. When I had my son, my young hurting heart held onto my son. He was the only reason I got clean and stayed clean.
I remained in the relationship for a year after that and had another precious son. But by that time I was barely hanging onto sobriety. I didn't have God to hold onto. Life was too much for me to handle and I ended up turning back to drugs and to men for comfort. Which never brought comfort only pain.
I regret so much from those years but one of my biggest regrets is not allowing my heart to love them better. I only wanted the comfort of being loved. My youngest son barely knew me and how can one love someone he doesn't know? So, our hearts stayed apart for years.
My oldest son became my favorite, I am ashamed to say. He was obedient, funny, responsible and he loved me. That's all that mattered at the time. Is how ppl made me feel. I'm sure some of you can relate. We are happy in a relationship as long as they make us feel a certain way.
So when the Lord turned my oldest sons heart away from me, causing him to move out at 14ish years old, he's now 16, I can remember how rejected and abandoned I felt.
I honestly felt like a little girl being rejected all over again, one hit after another it felt like. I did not at all feel like an adult.
I haven't spoke to my son since April. I have no idea what's happening in his life except what my other son tells me. My Love is so faithful and shows me when I begin to feel sorry for myself. Sometimes it comes out when I tell ppl about my situation. So it's best not to.
While I lay the story out let me get to the most beautiful part.
My youngest son.
He's never told me his feelings. I'm ashamed to say my mother and I thought he was autistic at one point because he never shared his feelings. How sad. The poor boy never felt safe sharing that part of himself, and I condemned him for it. Being the contentious woman I was that was very self centered and prideful.
He moved out as well, due to all the marriage problems. He left at age 13 and went and stayed with friends. Local yes but still seemed so far away. He moved back for about 6 months. And during those six months my Love blessed me so much.
My son began to share his heart with me. For the first time in 15 years he sat on the couch and told me how he used to be jealous of kids who had a father. But now he sees that those with a father aren't always better off. They don't turn out better. He told me how he harbors no resentment towards his step dad.
In those precious six months he consistently came to me for advice. Showing me honor and love.
He began working a full-time construction job at 15 and I had the honor of watching Him become a man before my eyes! My Love kept showing me how He had my son in his hands over and over and that I could release him. And that it would be okay.
When I moved back into the home I shared with my spouse (he's not here...) my son decided not to move in with me. He decided to get a home with some roommates, but my Love has given me peace despite him being so young!)
My son and I have gotten so close and I am so grateful that my Love orchestrated all of this. The son I once rejected, the chances I gave away, the Lord has blessed me despite my many mistakes and my sins.
So what once felt like rejection had turned into a beautiful blessing.
I am grateful for this ministry, in helping me to let go and go with the wave of adversity and not fight. It's helped me in this relationship with my son tremendously. When everyone was telling me to fight and to demand, the Lord was telling me to let go and trust Him. And it has turned out better than I could have imagined.
What a wonderful testimonial for our beloved.
My dear rasa I can feel your pain in your first testimony and then how it repaired your heart.
My youngest son has gone to live with his father and has not informed me of his desire to go and live with him. But I knew he felt lost and rejected because we had a third child.
I didn’t say anything to him and as I read my best protection, I understood that I had to let go of my hold on my children, but the Adina Jacobs book helped me even more.
When he comes at home , we hug each others thing that I used to do only with my first son.
But the most important thing is that our beloved has shown me that I don’t have to play the role of a father in their lives, that he takes care of them. I haven’t to repair all the chaos in their hearts, but he knows how to do it very well.
Thank you Rasa for your testimony
WOW my dear Rasa, I have teary eyes reading such an encouraging testimony, thank you so much for sharing!
It’s really wonderful and important to remember how He can and will restore any relatonship in our lives ❤️🔥
I would love to encourage each of you that are reading this comment to get to know this amazing course: https://loveatlast.org/ryr/
May we all be encouraged!
How powerful our Beloved’s love and grace can be. 💕I love seeing impossible looking situations turned around. Look how He has changed your heart and made you new, I love it. Admitting your weaknesses gives me hope for my family members in addictions. I know one day I will be hearing of your restored testimony with your oldest son and I am so glad to hear about you and your other son’s relationship becoming closer. Yes, we may come here to restore our marriage but we end up with so much more.
“But he said to me, ‘I will be kind to you and I will help you. That will be enough for you. When you are weak, I will show that I am completely powerful to help you.’
So I am happy to be proud about my weakness. Then I know that His power will be with me. That is why I am happy even when I am weak. People may insult me. They may bring me trouble. They may want to hurt me. I may have many kinds of trouble. But I am still happy because I am serving Him. Yes, whenever I am weak, then I am strong.” 2C12:910 EasyEnglish
Isaiah 30:18
Amplified Bible, Classic Edition
That is why the Lord waits to have mercy on you, and that is why he exalts himself to have mercy on you and to show you his love. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who hope in him and seek him and long for him.
My dear Rasa, your testimony touched my heart deeply, especially seeing the goodness of God and our beloved in your life.
I read in a “Restore Your Relationships” lesson that our HH is as interested in them (your family) as they are in you. And it is working wonderfully.
I am glad that you have trusted in his help so that through his infinite grace and love he will restore what many of us damaged through ignorance (myself included) during the tender years of our children’s childhood. The Lord rewards and knows our repentance and now with His love filling and overflowing your beautiful heart is the appointed time to give them what was always available to them and you have to give them, the love of your beloved flowing through a new and restored heart.
How beautiful PR
Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony precious Rasa, I am so grateful that you are now so close with your son.
I also made the huge mistake to turn to drugs and I thought it could numb my pain, but it made it only worse and my eldest son then chose to live with his dad later, but our Darling Lord also brought healing between us and saved me from myself and I have been freed by my Darling from drugs for over 18 years now.
It is really wonderful how our Darling Lord turns our mistakes around all because of His love. I am also so very grateful for this Ministry and what my Darling is teaching me daily through this Ministry. “Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her, That her warfare is ended, That her iniquity is pardoned; For she has received from the LORD’s hand Double for all her sins.” I40:2 https://biblehub.com/isaiah/40-2.htm
I look forward for when you will also hear regularly from your eldest son. This beautiful promise my Darling gave me when my eldest son was gone. “Your children hasten back, and those who laid you waste depart from you.” I49:17
Your testimony is extremely encouraging, Raza. It is evident that for God nothing is impossible, no matter how broken our life and relationships are, HE can restore everything! How precious to see His work of redemption and reconstruction of your life. I am anxious to read more about the blessings that He will bring you in the future!
Dear Race, beautiful testimony. And the wonderful thing is to know that Our Beloved has allowed you to heal and rebuild the relationship with your son. Our Husband has cleansed us of the mistakes we made as mothers, and that is why He gives us the strength to look forward. It is a testimony that for the Lord nothing is impossible.
It reminds me of this lesson that I am studying https://loveatlast.org/ryr/c2/ . Thank you for sharing.
Dear Rasa, thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony. I am so happy for you that He has restored your relationship with your son. I can often marvel at how He is working in the lives of His brides. He works on big things and small details until we are wholeheartedly devoted to Him and He is the most important in our lives.
Your testimony helps me to trust Him to help me deal with my daughter and give her unconditional love, even as she makes harsh comments to me.
This was such a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing. We must trust Him throughout every step of our lives and know He will work everything out for good.
Rasa thank you for this encouraging testimony. Our Beloved Lord is so good, and He is the only one who can act in our situations and restore our relationships and our lives when we turn to Him with our whole heart.
My Beloved just gave me this verse while reading your testimony:
“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. ” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joel%202%3A25&version=NASB;KJV;NIV;NKJV