About two months ago my father was seriously ill and hospitalized. I had one of the most difficult moments of my life. But our God has healed him. Today, I still have the pleasure of enjoying his presence.
I am especially grateful that God has prepared me days in advance for this trial. Before I reached the critical stage where my father had to be transported to the emergency, God led me to re-read and meditate on chapters 35 and 36 of the book of Job. In this chapter, Job’s youngest friend, Elihu, exhorts him to accept the will of the Most High without complaints. In addition, HTBB’s weekly meditation spoke of giving thanks to God in all things. The message was to keep faith in difficult times, but also to praise God in our trials, to accept them with joy.
Job 36:16-21 MSG
“Oh, Job, don’t you see how God’s wooing you
from the jaws of danger?
How he’s drawing you into wide-open places—
inviting you to feast at a table laden with blessings?
And here you are laden with the guilt of the wicked,
obsessed with putting the blame on God! (..)
Above all, don’t make things worse with more evil—
that’s what’s behind your suffering as it is!
That preparation allowed me to pass the trial of the illness and hospitalization of my father. I am especially grateful to God for keeping me from losing courage in front of my brothers. I am the eldest of my siblings and so it was important that I stay strong. I also had the blessing to look after my dad during the first night of the emergency. I was able to encourage his faith and I could read the psalms he wanted to hear. In the early morning, one of my brothers joined us. We were so happy that our father passed the stage of that critical night that we recited psalms and we sang praises.
At the same time as my praise, I would like to confess my sins. I have long hesitated to write a praise report because I thought at first that I could not tell what I experienced. I was ashamed. I was ashamed because despite all the preparation I doubted and I was afraid. In spite of all the spiritual preparation, there were times when I had encouraged my brothers with my lips, while my heart was troubled. I was ashamed to have to admit that at times I was angry and I made tough comments. The Holy Spirit revealed to me a few weeks ago that it was an immeasurable pride that prevented me from writing a praise report. Because I would have preferred a testimony about God rewarding my great piety and unwavering faith in Him. I wanted to share a testimony that made me “proud”, in a way it was me that I wanted to praise, when God alone deserves the Glory.
The Lord kept my father alive, He comforted my family, put the right people on our way, just because He is Love and Mercy. The Lord accomplished all these wonders because it was His will! He did not wait for me to deserve His grace to rescue me and my family. He saved my father by grace !!
I beg you, O LORD my God, to forgive me because all too often I seek to “deserve” Your kindness! Too often I think it’s through my “works” that You save me. I always forget that my justice is such a stained garment. It is Your grace that lifts me up and supports me. Help me to accept your kindness with the simplicity of a child without having to ask me every time what did I do to deserve them? I want to love you and accept you simply my God. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
~ Eliza in Cameroon
French Translator
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