Exhausting perfectionism

"So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image". 2C1318

Continuing with the perfectionism healing therapy, I want to share that with the desire to give myself rest on Sundays, my earthly husband hired a woman to help me two days a week with house cleaning, this was a blessing resulting from the week to help you at work without complaining or protesting the long working hours under pressure conditions (sometimes we don't understand what is happening, why so much is demanded of us, and then we realize that we were sowing for something).

The first day she told me that she did not know how to use the washing machine and that she did not want to damage it, so she did not want to wash the clothes, so I decided to help her, I operated the washing machine and she helped me spreading and collecting the clothes, the first days she had a lot of work and for different reasons I didn't have the opportunity to explain to her how to fold the clothes, she folded them as she knows how but not to my liking so I unfolded and folded them as I would.

The following week my husband saw me folding the clothes again and using the washing machine, so he told me that he had hired her so that I would not do those tasks Even though I did them, he was somewhat annoyed, so the next day, I told her that she should learn to use the washing machine, she fearfully said that she did not know how to read, still resisting, but I knew that I had to teach her and obey my husband as the Lord, so I patiently taught her to use the washing machine. My Beloved led me to explain by example and then ask her to do it while I was looking at her. She did very well!!

Once that happened, I talked with my Beloved in my heart and I realized that many times my perfectionism has led me to work twice as much, while I correct or do the work of others in order to make it look good, that happened to me a lot in secular work, as a leader I feel the responsibility that everything goes perfectly, and although I had an engineer as an assistant, I did not trust her abilities due to the results she had seen from her work, so, in the end, she "did" her job but I did it again... finally I did double work and she didn't learn. What my Beloved showed me is that I didn't explain with her example or sometimes I didn't make myself understand, I just got upset, and frustrated and worked twice as hard.

With this, I have learned that when He sends the right helper my task is to train him, give him clear instructions with example and supervision and so I can really enjoy his work and the gifts that my Beloved has given him. My Beloved also allowed me to see that many times we need those failures because that is when we learn the most, so I should not fear when He chooses someone with less talent, but I need to trust Him to train him or let him fail and so maybe he can see that It is not where he wants me to be, I have seen many people who after a failure find what they are really passionate about and are happier. We all need to discover our gifts and put them at the service of God.

Many times I expected too much from people without counting on their own struggles with their weaknesses. This is what I observed with this woman, she had simply been avoiding working with the washing machine for years due to fear and ignorance. But it is also something that I lived on the other side with my earthly husband, when "I did not know how to be a good wife" and every time he was near I walked like on eggshells, it is a horrible feeling to walk with fear of making a mistake and more when He had given me the "ultimatum" of "if you don't change, I'm leaving", so when we walk in fear, things simply don't work out. I think that sometimes I have instilled that fear in my work teams, so they end up thinking that "they will never achieve it" so that "as you believed it will be done for you" M813. It is very difficult or impossible to be or do exactly what another person wants, it is a very heavy load that I have carried and that I have placed on the shoulders of others as well.

Just today my Beloved told me that this is contrary to His grace. His grace forgives me and helps me get from where I am to where I should be, the grace of my Beloved sees that my heart is right even if my performance is not (2C3). It may be that the performance of others affects me of course, but ultimately I have learned that it is more important to love others as myself and I would like them to be patient and teach me over and over again. I think that is the kind of love that I will never forget that I received from my instructor. It is precisely that unconditional love that we have been called to give, forgiving 70 times 7.

Together with this, my Beloved teaches me humility, because many times I have discovered other people have better methods than mine to do some things, which happened to me when I saw this woman who helps me wash the dishes so I ended up learning from her too. Previously, I thought that only my way was the best and most correct, but my Beloved has taught me humility, as well as led me to understand that I should enjoy the gifts that he has given to others and not think that only I know how to do it things well, what was pride. 

He is amazing, I love my healing process!!

~ Anastasia

Spanish LMF 🇪🇸