It was more than a few weeks ago since I submitted my Praise Reports and they mainly consist of my struggles in my RJ but having to walk this path He had to lead me and growing our intimacy as days passed by, He made me realize some of the reasons why I had gone through what I had been through in my life.
When I first started this Restoration Journey, it was my main motivation for my marriage to be restored, or for my EH to love me once again. I had suffered and still do sometimes, crying myself everytime he does something that is not pleasing to my eyes. Even though I try to walk the principle of walking by faith and not by sight, I was still not spared from the pain my eyes had been seeing.
But what bothers me the most, is not my current marital status, nor what my EH is doing, but my son’s future. I had grown up in a broken family and was exposed to the brutal effects of separation my parents had caused me. Satan had a field day when he divided our family, steal my future, kill my parent’s marriage and destroyed our very foundation. I was very lost during those times and didn’t know how I managed to survive but now I know why and because of whom. I used to think that I was very strong for having to endure everything but now I realised it was not me all along. God’s grace and the Lord’s love had carried me all through the entire ordeal, maybe to help me see things the way it was and for me to change how I respond to situations.
Ephesians 6:12 NASB For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Since I know better, I know how to take care of the situation without having to expose my son to the pain and suffering I had gone through, and if ever he did, I would not dare thwart my Beloved’s plans.
After reading what Cristina sent, Chapter 3 “The Wave of Adversity” in Living the Abundant Life, it made me realize and I believe the Lord had shown me that I had not fully let go of my marriage because fear still envelopes me. Fear of what will be for my son’s future. I am very afraid, so much afraid, that he will have to go through what I had been through, not understanding that it was for my refining, it was what drew me closer to Him, it was what changed me to aim to be more like Him, and that it was for His glory. I took possession of my son like it was mine to have. But it never was, He had given me my son and changed me so much for His greater glory so that I can glorify Him and He can make disciples through me. Had I not realised this, it would then seem hard for me to let go.
Now having this in mind, this would be one of the things that I will choose to surrender over and over again until I can no longer feel I am still holding on to it. It is one of the things He asked me to entrust to Him.
The love He had shown me surpasses all my understanding, it’s so overwhelming I can only cry tears of joy.
I am not deserving, yet He chose me. And I only want to live my life aiming to please the only one who loves me this much. Now, I can find contentment in my situation knowing that whatever happens, He holds my future in His hands.
~ Cherie in Manila
New Tagalog Translator