“Israel, Israel, I will marry you again, and you will be my wife forever . When you are my wife, you will truly come to know me; I will be your faithful, sincere, and loving husband. “ O29
These days that I have been in my country, I recently returned, to start over near my family… I have felt SO joyful in the midst of circumstances, I find it impressive the way my sweet Husband fills me with His love, His sweet company, the peace that surpasses understanding… He fills me and makes me want to live the life I have. I am very grateful to HIM because I do not feel needy, because I do not feel longing, because although in plain sight it can be said that “I lost everything” I feel happy as if I had everything – because in fact I have EVERYTHING with HIM.
At times I feel a bit overwhelmed because I feel a bit like Job… he lost his children, his finances collapsed, his health was tremendously affected, his wife rejected him and God… and he went through a roller coaster of emotions, in which he questioned himself “why is this happening to me?” … (Now I understand why I went through reading Job days before this happened). I think that’s how I’ve been, I’ve been affected in all these areas equally from one day to the next, it was like having everything today without even suspecting that something could go wrong and suddenly finding yourself in such a situation. I feel this way when I start to think anxiously about the future and the things that “could” happen in a negative way… fortunately every day I meet with my Beloved and HE reminds me of His promises, encourages me, lifts me up and helps me focus on the TRUTH and not on the lies that want to lead me to despair, but this time I look towards the future in a different way than before, not with longing for my husband, but with my sights set on enjoying the journey alongside the Lover of my soul.
Now I find myself with this inexplicable joy and this peace that simply overflows and that everyone in my family can feel—I know I’ve told you this many times in my last praises, but I’m surprised at how His love has guarded my heart during this time. This flowing through me has been key in my family’s reaction, to the point that they feel more compassion for my husband who apparently “kept it all” than for me because they can see that I have everything in my sweet Husband who sustains me and keeps my spirit impassive and confident. I am so grateful to my Husband for filling me with His love and showing me that I can walk on any “terrain” because His love covers me… words are not enough to express the love that my heart feels flowing as I write this testimony… I am in love once again!! He is wonderful!!!
Being here at home has also made me aware that I have gone from being the source that my husband drained all the time, taking from me the love he needed and that was never enough for him, to being a source that is not undermined, but also nourished by the love of my family, who do not demand that I be something more or different from who I am, there is so much freedom in that! I have felt so blessed!! I can see His protection and His love here with me!! I do not say this with resentment, because in reality I still feel a lot of compassion for him, I say this so you know that our Husband loves us very much and that His Word is true:
“But you, Lord, surround me like a shield; you are my pride, the one who holds me alive.” S33
“For you, O Lord, will bless the righteous; you will surround him with loving-kindness as with a shield.” S512
“You have covered me with the shield of your salvation, and upheld me with your right hand; your help has made me prosperous.” S1835
I don’t know how I didn’t see it before but I guess it’s due to the fact that I was tempted to go back to an ex boyfriend like I used to do in times of crisis and so I began to regret that I couldn’t rebuild my life with this other man because I knew that if I did I would be committing adultery – clearly this is not a thought from my Beloved – but this joy has led me to understand that YES I can and that in fact I am rebuilding my life, (as HE Himself told me IT’S a NEW BEGINNING for me) since I have already found the Man I always dreamed of!! He has always been here with me and I ignored Him by looking at what the world offers and foolishly ignoring the blessing that I already have and that is HIM. That is why I feel this joy flow, because I am not in need, I am not sunk in tears and pain, I am accompanied and I am deeply and eternally loved by my sweet Heavenly Husband and I love HIM deeply too!!
No matter what valleys we have to go through in life, by His side we can walk on the waters of the storm, so just continue seeking your Husband, persevere in letting HIM be the first in your heart because that is the safe place where nothing can affect us to a level where we are destroyed, we can fall, fail and be attacked, but we will not remain fallen forever, because He covers us and lifts us up.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony precious Anastasia. I know exactly about what peace you are talking about, because yes He gives peace that surpasses all understanding. I remember the first time my marriage fell apart and I fell apart and always looking for my peace and fulfillment in my spouse. Then after receiving a restored marriage I thought that will give me peace but it didn’t, I had to be restored to my Beloved Lord. I have to smile now (but I never ever thought I would say this with a smile), my spouse was going back and forth and I was experiencing the chaos until my precious Beloved stopped it and I totally clicked like a light going on, that He was all the Peace I needed, He was all I needed to be ok. And no off course the trials didn’t stop but I didn’t look to a man for my peace anymore, I look to Him. He really does love us so very much.
Yes, Janine, I agree with you. The peace He gives us is unparalleled. I identify with what you share, because we think it’s when we get what we want that we find the peace we long for, but that’s not the case. We only find it with our Beloved.
Dear Anastasia,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful praise about our Heavenly Man. It also gives me so much peace that I know that He is all I need. And in Him I find the unconditional love and protection that I first sought from an earthly man. I love the Bible texts that you share. He is our shield, he protects us because we are His beloved brides!