I’d like to share HOW my HH helped me let go of my fear to move forward. This is a Hurdle not listed. It’s Overcoming Domestic Violence, but first, I want to give thanks to God’s abundant mercy. For He has taken me out of delusion and apostasy.
Before I started this course I had an encounter with God. He visited in the night for five nights correcting me and on the first night, I saw a vision of hell. In the vision, I had my husband by the nape of his neck and I was dangling him over hell. I heard God say, “Don’t you let go just because you are hurt and angry!” I was horrified. Believe me, I was hurt and angry. After two years of domestic violence, dealing with his addiction, continually splitting up, and finally infidelity; well I ran to the courthouse to annul the marriage.
The weird thing was that when I came back home with the paperwork there was no court date on it. That same night was the night that God came to me and showed me hell. He also showed me that I was standing at the wide gate. Why was I on at the wide gate? I was in the sin of adultery. I left my ex-husband because of domestic violence and got into a worse situation.
As I found out by doing these Bible studies I was in gross idolatry. In my self-righteousness, I couldn’t see my obvious delusion. I excused my adultery by pointing out how terrible my ex-husband was. Fortunately, the next night after my vision of hell; the Holy Spirit came to me and said, “Repent and get baptized! Come out of the apostate church!” I was shaken. On Christmas Day, I repented and was baptized.
It was after this that I came across this Bible Study in a stander’s group. I always thought I was a good wife until I started this journey. I found out I was self-righteous, proud, selfish, contentious, contemptuous, and very far from being the kind of bride my Heavenly Husband would want. Truth be told, I was on marriage number three! Whenever I felt rejected I would just run to the next relationship instead of my HH.
The cleaning up process then began. God had to open my eyes so he could renew my mind. During this whole fiasco, my daughter informed me that my ex-husband was hiding a document that we were still married. I hurried to the courthouse to confirm my worst nightmare. I was married to two men! I immediately called my ex-husband and he told me that he already moved forward as if to imply that I was calling him to get back with him. His wife/OW texted me to let me know there was an open divorce case I had filed against him in 2002. He told me to finalize the divorce. I didn’t refuse, I didn’t argue or ask for alimony. He told me not to contact him. I’m being agreeable.
In the meantime, I had to tell my husband/OM that I could not be with him or be intimate with him because I was still married. I don’t know what the judge is going to decide next week on Thursday but I know my HH made all this come to the light so I can leave this situation in an honorable way. No matter what happens, I have left the outcome to my HH.
Dear sisters, as you can see I have learned quite a bit through all of this. He is faithful to finish the work that He has started in us. We may not be in control of our process but we need to trust that He knows exactly what we need. I was in major fear when I had to tell my husband/OM I was still married. A few weeks later he stopped talking to me. I haven’t heard anything. Now I refuse to pursue him. It wouldn’t be right anyway. I see all my obvious idolatry and realize that I was looking into empty wells to quench my thirst. Only our HH can fill our hearts. Much of what has happened is my fault. I allowed rejection to open the door to the spirit of Jezebel. I believe this is the spirit behind domestic violence.
When we enter relationships wrongly this is what we open ourselves up to. We need to repent of the idolatry we have toward our husbands. In a time of encountering my HH he showed me that I need to love my husband but not indulge the spirit he was operating in. I needed to separate the man from the demon that was manifested through him. I needed to see my husband through how he was created with value and a destiny.
Our EH is not god. It is idolatry to listen to our EH over our HH. Yes love our EH but not at the expense of the safety of our children and our lives. Marriage is temporary but our lives are eternal. I had to look down and see where my feet were. I was walking on the wide road. I had joined my husband on that road and participated in his sin. I am now on the road to recovery. I have more peace and am drinking from the well that never runs dry. Thank you, Erin, for all the women you have helped. God bless you— there is more to come.
“Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce, My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent. Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds. I will kill her children with death, and all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works. Revelations 2:20-23
~ Melody in California