Throughout my journey I have realized that my Beloved shows me something in which my heart is changing and suddenly I am taken to the moment in the past where that attitude was born and led to the change of thought that little by little was building. the mental strength in me. I have also realized that even those attitudes are behaviors and fears are โinherited.โ
After reading Mira's comment in the www.ElAnimador.com post, my Husband brought me a memory that opened my eyes. I remembered that I began to want to be much better than I was, perfecting myself was the goal, since there was a feeling of worthlessness in me derived from rejection. There was a very marked moment in my childhood that made this happen and that my Husband remembers now. When I started going to school at the tender age of 4 or 5 years old, I suffered a lot the first few days, I was very attached to my mother, and letting go was a very hard blow, I felt suddenly immersed in a new and strange world, I hadn't socialized much with other boys or girls besides my sister at home, so going out and making friends was something completely new for me.
I remember the first day of school, as soon as my mother left me there I felt abandoned, I felt a deep pain in my stomach due to the feeling of stress that overwhelmed me, (now I understand why every time I feel extremely stressed I feel that same pain in my stomach. ) All the girls were happy playing with each other, but no one integrated me into the group, perhaps because they saw me sad... I was there alone, trying to understand what was happening and how to adapt to this new environment where I felt rejected. Nobody wanted to play with me, and they were difficult days, Although I expected greater acceptance from the teacher because I was an adult and to a certain extent a closer model to my mother, I felt disappointed by not having her help, how much I would have liked to know back then that my Beloved was there with me, closer than a brother! However, a few days later my sister, seeing me sad while I was looking for her to share with her (since no one wanted to share with me) intervened and helped me make two friends.
That event marked me, and from then on I began to need and seek acceptance from other people, which led me to be a perfectionist, because I thought that I would be accepted for what I did well more than for my way of being, because in my way See, I had been rejected for being me. If I wanted to be within the social circle so to speak, I needed to be someone โwith extra valueโ and I don't mean bravery, I mean someone who was valued for his abilities. This in turn led to me becoming a โpeople pleaserโ who would discreetly or secretly be doing work to achieve people's recognition and acceptance, always looking for human support, someone I could trust and with whom I could improve my abilities.
While I remembered it with my Heavenly Husband, it hurt a little to remember it but those tears helped me heal, Today I am glad to rest from work because now I know that my value does not depend on the things I do, nor on what people think of me. me, no matter who I am, I know my value comes from my Beloved because He paid a high value to have me by His side, what counts is what He says about me, He chose me so I am accepted, in Him I am free to be me without feeling judged, because He created me as I am and wants me to be me, to be authentic. The freedom I have with my husband is unmatched!!
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life." I434
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,Godโs special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" 1P29
"For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession". D76
~Anastasia
LMF Spanish ๐ช๐ธ
Chapter 1. โ
Thank you for sharing Anastastia and opening your heart and how our wonderful Lord healed you. It is so wonderful and comforting that He accept us just like we are.
That’s true! We feel so much free and glad when we know [as experience] we are accepted and loved by Him.
Thank you Anastasia for opening your heart and sharing this part of your journey. I can relate to trying to be perfect to gain love and acceptance from somebody else. First my mother, because she was such extreme perfectionist, it felt like I couldn’t live up to her high standards and that made me feel rejected in a way. Then after I found out about my fh adultery I tried my best to be the woman he wanted me to be, but I always failed because he sensed it was fake. BUT PTL I met my HH who healed me of trying to be perfect to gain love and acceptance from anybody but Him. And He knows my shortcomings and my failures, but He still loves me unconditionally.
https://loveatlast.org/fc/living-the-abundant-life/chapter-14-youre-beautiful/
https://loveatlast.org/finding-the-abundant-life/chapter-8-who-are-you-listening-to/
Wow, Adina, I did not know this about you. Wigth, we could put so much weight on people we love just for trying to be perfect… But, I praise the Lord, because now I can understand they were injured too and they do not know they were injuring someone else. In any case, He always has the cure for any injury in our hearts, He is amazing.
Thank you for opening up. I am always intrigued when people remember stuff from 1-5 years of age. I am no perfectionist but did have a people pleaser mentality. It’s nice to hear that He is showing you how much He loves you and that He is all that matters.
Yes, I do not have a lot of memories of my childhood, which is strange LOL but I am able to remember this so well. ๐ฅฐ
Thank you for sharing my dear! It is a strong experience, and it also made me realize that we are looking to be perfect to be loved by our Beloved. Praise Him that He loved us first and now He is molding us. But the thing that really touched me when I read your praise is knowing that I am loved no matter what. I tis not an excuse or permission to do things wrong, but a relief that I am deeply truly loved by my maker!
It’s true Isabella, it was also something that I lived with HIM, I tried to be perfect and it led me to religiosity, but it was very liberating to learn that the perfection that He seeks is that of the heart and that it is not something that I can do alone, because I can do nothing without Him and nothing good comes out of me if it is not by His grace, so knowing that I need to humble myself and depend on Him to be transformed and have a perfect heart was also very liberating!!
Sweet Anastasia and all of you who joined in this discussion and lovingly shared your origins as an Encouraging Woman. I read this back soon after you posted it, but my Husband told me to “wait,” and I was more than prepared to wait since I’ve been working on https://homegrownministries.com/www/c11-i-hate-divorce/ and introducing young women the Superpower of Waiting!
Of course, right now is the appointed time https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Habakkuk+2%3A2-3&version=NASB;VOICE;NET;NLT;ESV because I just finished moving (living in a resort, having to move every 3 weeks) and He’s used it as the practice and healing I need to get into balance from trying to be perfect.
So, back when I read this, I asked Him what the origin of my perfectionism began, and surprisingly, it began with my RJ. I did enjoy tidying my room and laying out everything, etc., when I was young, but it wasn’t an obsession or something I didn’t need to be healed from. I lived happily and calmly in a house full of disorder (because of my wonderful, free-spirited mother), so I’ve been blessed learned contentment in “every circumstance” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A11-12&version=NASB;VOICE;NET;NLT;ESV
What drove me was this one principle that I read in the KJV “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5%3A48&version=NASB,KJV,NET,NLT,ESV
Yet, it was just today TODAY WOW WOW WOW HHM, my Husband revealed to me what that principle actually means, which is connected to https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+12%3A9%2C10&version=NASB;KJV;NET;NLT;ESV
God is perfect, and He is the one who completes us when we are joined and ONE with our Beloved. In the Greek แผฮณฮฑฮธฯฯ (agathos) https://biblehub.com/greek/strongs_5046.htm
the same word is defined as “complete” when used in other passages. And to confirm even more, consider these promises He’s reminding me of:
“Apart from Me, you can do nothing”
“Our righteousness is nothing but filthy rags”
This is just one part of how He’s healing me and also helping me (and at the same time Yvonne) get into balanceโno longer leaning to our own understanding, which the enemy has used long enough in RMI. We are breaking free from RMI Religion, being pushed to and remaining in the opposite of the ditch we all began our RJ, contentious, without having a “gentle and quiet spirit.” The scheme we are no longer IGNORANT of, by keeping us there so long, pushing us father, so we felt comfortable having a “gentle and SILENT” spirit.
So now that I’ve shared my heart it’s time to work on https://loveatlast.org/hhm/c6/
Thank you for sharing dear Erin! I read the chapter and I am so grateful to my Lover for confirming the way He showed me this morning because I asked Him what religious habits I have to pray to be changed by Him, and when I read the whole chapter I understood, that He is leading me to continue my RJ deleting the legalism who come with the perfectionism.
A new section was added to https://loveatlast.org/hhm/c6/
Mistaken Guilt โฐ Quick 3-minute read
๐ฅฐ https://loveatlast.org/hhm/c6/#comment-11071