Poverty Mentality – Chapter 4 Where did I go wrong.

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no wrong.’” Proverbs 30:20

Dear Brides

This week with E.H at home the attacks begin to come back again and I was asking my beloved why!

I did not realise that again I was taking God's word lightly but not doing exactly as He told me to do which was to preach and to teach. It was also a test. And I completely have forgotten that it was His hands allowing all, and I became afraid and resisted the evil person, and forgot not to pay evil with evil.

I also became confused about what I should do.  The Lord was telling me to teach, E.H wanted me to stop and go to clean the fridge, and many other things, to stop what I was doing. After finishing  teaching I was talking with the Lord asking Him, how would we do to clean the fridge I was exhausted  and it was late in the night . He showed proverbs 26:1 As snow in summer and rain in harvest, So honour is not fitting for a fool. I understood that I could clean it up later on. Then the next day again I was hearing the Lord telling me to teach non-stop. Even my kids I had to let go and just teach. And He showed me this verse : ⁶ Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; ⁷ or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; But I was still wondering if I was hearing Him right , because the fridge was still not cleaned, and I was troubled with that, because I did not wanted to the wrong thing. Later on I understood that the Lord just wanted me to simply let it go, but I was stuck and so troubled in my mind with the fridge that I was not quick to clean.

Later on he provided a way for the fridge to be cleaned, sometimes I pay my son when he does extra job besides  his duties and he asked me what he could help me with around the house I remembered that the fridge that needed to be cleaned so he cleaned if , while I continued teaching. But I was still confused and thought if I did right because I did not clean the fridge immediately , and was so troubled.

I still showed this passage  in Romans 3 :27-28 Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith. ²⁸ Therefore we conclude that a man is ^[i]justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law. 

But I was still troubled and couldn't wrap it up! I always had difficulty in understanding grace, which also made forgiving the offender harder.

I had to surrender all to our beloved because I was Physically and mentally exhausted.

Not to resist an evil person I needed to be remembered again.

I also remembered how I can hurt people with the way I speak, before knowing about the lesson http://kindness- on her tongue. I used to be very careless concerning my words and hurt  E.H and my kids, just remembering that tears come into my eyes. Going back home by looking at how harshly my mum  spoke sometimes , I could see myself  in her ,how I used to be it was  frightening.

But just like this lesson was explaining I suffered with guilt a lot and tried to fix the things by myself with the works of the flesh instead of relying and wait on the Lord to fix  things.

I still sometimes go  to the pattern, and again the Lord was reminding me that I needed to wait on Him to make the things right again.