What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Natasha, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
Natasha, how did your restoration actually begin?
My EH left me for the second time in early 2017 whilst I was pregnant with our child. He had left two years before that but returned. I felt finally we could start rebuilding our marriage, but I did not put God first and my marriage was still a very big idol. I worshipped it, sought my identity, success, and future in my husband and marriage. The first time I needed restoration, I was with a stander ministry and pretty much “prayed him home” without making any of those necessary and critical changes that needed to happen to me.
I was a contentious and rebellious wife, know it all and very much a Pharisee. I knew what was best for my husband and did not appreciate his intelligence, character or intentions. I knew that the scriptures stated that we should submit to our husband in everything. Yet, in my heart, I questioned this commandment—my thoughts would go like this," Really in everything?". I never realised that I was to submit to God through my husband and that I was not really questioning my husband’s authority but I was questioning God's authority (just like in the garden when the devil asked Eve, "Did God actually say that?").
Prior to my separation, I eventually began to submit, but only grudgingly and in rebellion because I now realised that I did not trust God 's order and wisdom. I did not trust that God was sovereign and can arrange things His way. I felt I needed to help God and was deceiving myself that I was a helpmate. Ultimately, I took God totally out of the equation.
Anyway, as soon as I became pregnant, my husband could not stand me, he moved into a separate room and did not want to have anything to do with me. He became very harsh, distant, and constantly blamed me for everything. He stopped communication and started asking me for a separation.
One day we had an argument where things got heated and we both felt we couldn't go on with the marriage. I cannot remember everything I said on that day, but I remember saying I cannot do this anymore and that he could leave if he wanted to leave. I said this after he told me that marrying me was the biggest mistake of his life.
Then he moved out.
I was heartbroken, wondering how I was going to care for four children by myself. I was able to let go physically but it was so difficult letting go emotionally and psychologically.
How did God change your situation Natasha as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
Right from the start, I was able to let go physically but emotionally and psychologically, I was unable to let go. Then God started changing my heart. You see, I joined a stander ministry following the first separation over two years before. Whilst I believed at the time that God would restore my marriage, I struggled with the standers ministry because I also believe in letting go and their ministry is based on pursuing the prodigal. The Bible states that "he who finds a wife" so it’s the man who should pursue. I believe there is really no point in pursuing a man aggressively. It was in the turmoil of knowing that God wanted to restore my marriage but not knowing the practicalities involved that God led me to this ministry.
As soon as I got to this ministry and read the first page of HopeAtLast.com, I knew that God had directed my steps. I was convicted of my sin, I cried and sobbed in repentance. I learned the concept of God as my HH. I love it. I understood that I had left my first Love and He wanted me back.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Natasha, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
The absolute number one principle was that He is my Husband and Lover of my soul (Isaiah 54:5–6). It is a revelation that is still refining me. It was there in His word all along but He needed to open my eyes to see it and even now, I am not able to fully wrap my mind around this truth.
The second one is that the man is the head of the woman and Christ is the head of every man (1 Cor. 11:3). I have always been afraid of submitting to a man (childhood issues and societal conditioning), but I have learned that God has called me to submit to His authority and that He is sovereign. “Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.” Romans 13:1. I have learned that whilst I profess to be a Believer, I was a contentious, rebellious wife and that it was by grace that I have been saved. Oh, God helped me through a lot. He is really so good.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Natasha?
During the early days of my pregnancy, I unknowingly took a live vaccine because I didn’t know that I was pregnant. When I discovered I was pregnant, I had to consider the *teratogenic risk involved and because I was less than 6 weeks pregnant at the time, I could easily have had an abortion (which my husband felt I should do) but I just couldn't have an abortion.
*teratogenic is an agent that can disturb the development of the baby. Teratogens halt the pregnancy or produce a congenital malformation (a birth defect).
So, I was like I will just have to deal with it even if this child is not healthy. It was in the middle of this ordeal that my husband left me. At the time, I did not know if I was going to having a healthy child but I remembered telling God that He should please just give me a healthy baby, if He did, I wouldn't mind losing my marriage.
I did a couple of tests to check for any abnormalities (at this time EH was not talking to me). I remembered at about 6 -10 weeks, I had gone for the dating scan. I didn’t do the scan to find out the gender, while before the pregnancy, I would have wanted a boy at this time. Yet, I had bigger fish to fry due to the live vaccine, so knowing the gender was no longer an issue or a thought to me. Nonetheless, out of nowhere the sonographer stated that I think this is a boy. You see, I have desired and told God that I would love a boy if I had another child, so when the sonographer told me without me asking that it was going to be a boy, that was God giving me a big cuddle. At this time, I did not care about the sex of the child, I was just worried about having a healthy child. Finally, at the five months mark, I got the all clear that the baby was going to be healthy— Praise God!
The other difficult time was when I was about to give birth. You see, I have other children and we live far from my family. My children were worried about not having their father and mother with them when I left to go to the hospital to give birth.
I had been conversing with my HH about this and oh my, He showed forth amazingly. I got to the hospital and had the baby only two hours later and honestly, both the midwives and I were shocked when the baby popped out. I had just been checked and told I was 4cm dilated, the nurses were getting my paperwork and getting my room organised when I had this incredible urge to push (the very first push). I know not to push until I was well dilated. So I thought I was passing feces but it was my son. I was shocked.
Later I called a family friend to tell her that I have had the baby. She could not believe it, she asked me if it was me she saw driving my car just two hours earlier (unbeknown to me, she had seen my car in traffic two hours earlier).
Tell us HOW it happened Natasha? Did your husband just walk in the front door?
During the times we lived apart, my EH used to visit the kids every Sunday. I was registered to attend a course and emailed hubby asking if he could stay with the older kids whilst I was away. I got no answer back from him. When he eventually answered, it was after the registration date had closed and I emailed him back saying that he should not worry anymore as I had missed that course and would attend the next one.
Even though I said not to bother, my EH showed up on the date I was supposed to attend the course saying that he was here to take care of the kids. And again, I explained that I had sent him an email that I was no longer going but he stayed and never left. Since that day he has been in our house back as if nothing had happened.
Natasha, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
No, I did not know he would move back in, not until the day he arrived and didn’t leave. I have chosen to be obedient and submit this RMT because my EH has returned home, but you will see from my RMT that things have become more difficult in the physical and the relationship is far from ideal. Yet, this is what’s told to us from the beginning of our courses, that once restoration happens it’s not the end of our journey.
So thank you for asking me to submit my testimony because it helped me look back and see how far God has brought us. I know God brought my husband back because, at a point, I was asking God to bring him back only if it was His will. I know that God is Who started the work and He will bring it to completion.
I’d also like to say that God took care of my finances, even though EH said he would not pay the bills. While he was gone he paid the children school fees and took care of our mortgage.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Natasha?
Definitely, all the resources are very important. Reading the Bible, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, By the Word of Their Testimonies and the online courses. The principle of letting go is very important, when my husband began to visit the children, I knew to stay away. He started complaining to family members that I was refusing to come downstairs to greet him. I needed to let go for my own wellbeing as well. I don’t like rejection at all.
Do you have favorite Bible verses that you would like to pass on to women reading your Testimonies? Promises that He gave you?
Isaiah 54:1-8 KJV “Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord. Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited. Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.”
Philemon 15-18 KJV "For perhaps he therefore departed for a season, that thou shouldest receive him for ever; Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, especially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord? If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself. If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account.”
John 10:27 KJV "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me…”
Psalm 17:4 KJV "Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer."
Habakkuk 2:2-3 KJV "And the Lord answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."
Psalm 37:8 KJV "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."
Isaiah 55:8-9 KJV "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Natasha?
Yes, I will love to comfort others with the comfort I have gotten from his words and this ministry
Either way Natasha, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
God has got this (you and your marriage), TRUST Him. If you know this truth, this journey will be more peaceful and restful. I think one of the things this journey teaches us is that He is super loving and a Husband. GOD is very powerful too and He LOVES YOU, He is working out the details of your life. Let go of your fears, He is the best thing that can happen to you.
You know when He called Peter to get on the waters, He is doing the same today, CALLING you. Keep your eyes on His (His words, lessons from this ministry) and your marriage restoration is a certainty. But what is more beautiful is you being restored to your Groom, your Husband.
By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 5): He will Give You the Desires of Your Heart.
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