RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Almost 2 Months not Wanting to See our Daughter”

Betha, how did your restoration actually begin?

Good afternoon my loved ones. My journey all started on Christmas almost ten years ago when I discovered my husband's first betrayal. I kicked him out of the house, then he repented but I decided NOT to forgive him. In the middle of the next month, I discovered that I was pregnant, so we agreed to give our marriage a go. I found out I was pregnant the day after I told him that I hated him. In that same heated argument I also said that I did not want to forgive him. I thought that forgiveness was about a feeling I would have. But forgiveness is not a feeling! I learned the very hard lesson that forgiveness is a decision we choose to make because it is His command to us as believers.

I also learned that the Lord yearned for me, and that my BELOVED is jealous of my time. Sometimes, He just wanted me to spend time alone with Him. Since I was so involved in myself, because we as humans are selfish, it was through this long journey I discovered this truth and even more I never knew about.

Even though I was born into a Christian evangelical home and I am the daughter of pastors who both ministers. Yet as I was getting settled into married life, I forgot how I once lived and so much that I was never taught. I had lived through so many beautiful times with my Beloved, so many experiences spending time in nature with Him. Yet, once married, I simply did not want to make time for Him and certainly didn’t seek a deeper intimacy with Him. I moved away from His promises and I began to live with a heart full of strength (the way women in the world are taught to be). And like the world, I chose not to forgive either my earthly husband nor my Beloved for allowing this betrayal.

Since I no longer believed the man in my life loved me, God got my attention. A year later I was given a large financial Inheritance that the Lord entrusted to me (even without me deserving it). Soon after, I got very sick and almost lost the inheritance. The money was needed to pay for me to regain my life after being so horribly ill for so long. These were days of endless, intense pain.

Then as everyone who is chosen of God, I returned to the ways of the Lord and the Lord is so gracious that He embraced me fully. But not even all I went through brought me closer to the Lord, not really. It was all due to me, I still did not forgive the Lord for allowing me to suffer so much, first betrayal and then my sickness! I did not understand that all that He allowed me to pass through was so that His name would be glorified and I should be transformed into who I needed to be.

Soon after our baby's arrival, we agreed to raise our daughter in the way of the Lord, so we sought a good church and became members. That's when I saw clearly that my husband was no longer the same man he once was. My husband began serving the Lord with so much passion and enthusiasm. Yet, as far as I was concerned, just as the Word itself says, "The wise woman builds her house and the fool destroys it with her own hands." This is what happened for 7 horrible years— I was destroying a marriage that was practically perfect. I had a wonderful husband. But I felt I was missing what other woman had, I began looking at how I wanted him to be, how I wanted him to act, just wanting more, more, and more!

My daughter and I (actually I) felt we needed more. As for me, it was due to a lack of forgiveness, forgiveness I withheld. I did not make a point of watering and caring for my EH at all. I wanted him to care and nurture me!

For a time the Lord warned me about this, yet the more He warned me, the more bitter I became. I came to a point when my soul did not want to hear the voice of my Beloved, Who is so sweet and so gentle toward me.

And so, once again, I was brought to a place of breaking. I had an accident the following year and I spent 6 months bedridden in my parents' house unable to take care of any of my physical needs. In the beginning, my earthly husband treated me very carefully like a fragile queen. Yet his love revolted me— so instead of being grateful— I blamed him for everything. I suffered a lot and everyone told me that it was necessary for me to stop and remain longer with the Lord, in order to hear His voice, but I did not want to.

Then it finally happened. At the end of the same year, soon after I'd recovered and returned back home. My husband left me for an OW. That's when my world collapsed, and I fell into a deep depression. I lost more than 50 lbs. in 40 days. I would faint up to 8 times in a single day. Panicked, my parents took me to the doctor and he advised them that I was close to insanity and might need to be put in a psychiatric facility. At this point, I tore my entire house down, one piece at a time! I did not remember that I had a daughter, I was in such bad shape.

Though I tried to continue going to church, sadly, it was in the hope of seeing my husband. So I began my search elsewhere, everywhere to track him down. Yet this search for my husband only made me more distant from the Lord, for my heart, my treasure wasn't for Him, but for my earthly husband. Even though I knew that when anything takes the place that must be HIS place, in our life, I still relentlessly pursued my EH.

I finally reached the deepest abyss attempting suicide twice, but our God is sovereign and the promises He has on my life could not be changed. At that moment life no longer made sense and I no longer cared about anything. I did not answer the phone. I isolated myself because I did not want to hear anything from anyone. One day a sister who had been a friend since my adolescence, who was also an intercessor in my mother's church, just showed up at my front door refusing to leave. When I finally opened the door, there she stood with a book in her hand. She reached out and put it into my hand. It was the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I could never have imagined, not in a million years, that one book would overflow with such truths, and would ultimately and completely turn of my life around. My faith, my love for Him, the return of my first love as my BELOVED and trust in God returned within hours of me starting to read this one book!

How did God change your situation Betha as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

I took the RYM book and began to read through it the moment she handed it to me. At first, I was very anxious, just the name stunned me because I knew it was Him speaking to me. Just reading the first page, I shed buckets of tears that poured down onto the pages. I began to understand why He very lovingly gave me a very unconditional love, and that the Lord allowed me (and my daughter) to pass through this very necessary journey that would change both our lives.

So, once I finished chapter one, I knew I needed to confess a deep repentance to the women who sat quietly watching me, who later prayed for me.

The transformation was unbelievable. A change invaded my entire being! Before I wept from sorrow, of recrimination, of hate for being abandoned. Now I was crying with a shame of repentance for so many words spoken to Him, MY Beloved. He who shed His blood for my sake even though I was a horrid sinner not deserving His grace because I'd thrown it away and worshipped myself, then my husband after he left me.

I realized that every morning, prior to knowing what was happening, that my daughter and I had passed through the valley of the shadow of death, and even the enemy tried to kill me at my own hands. Even then my HH was there and did not let me be taken from this world by the clutches of the enemy during my despair. Right now I can not hold back tears of gratitude to remember how merciful the Lord is.

During this process, I read the RYM book and His Word all day, every day. As a result, I read the RYM book 29 times. I was reading and writing my journals with such passion. At one time my passion was for my earthly husband, but more and more my passion was for Him and to live every verse of the Bible. It felt like I had never read the Bible before because each thing it said began to make sense, to mean something to me. My heart burned with love for the Lord—as He became my first love, my HH. I began to rest under His wings, then every principle that the book advises, God ministered to my heart. Shortly after I was enveloped by the love of the Lord, completely and totally "in love" with Him, and that's when my husband left the OW and went to live in his mother's house. I saw it as a great answer from the Lord where He says to us all: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all other things shall be given unto you"!

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Betha, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

What struck me the most was when I heard about the principle in Isaiah 54. "Make the Lord your Husband." This is now how I see Him. He is the most beautiful, the most fragrant, the most loving, the purest truest Love that has loved me in such a way that I feel in every cell of my body. My Husband took care of me in such a way that every detail that I needed He gave me. He sustained us both with the best— nothing—nothing at all was missing or lacking for me or my daughter! He was my Supplier for all needs we both had. Ahhhhh how I love HIM!!!!!!

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Betha?

During the remainder of my journey, at all times, He was there for us. More infirmities plagued us, like an operation my daughter went through. Yet He made it a simple thing, a thing that God allowed us to pass through to use to turn the heart of my husband. My EH began to be reborn anew to us. When he was with OW, he suffered a stroke that almost killed him. When I learned about it, I was immediately distressed, but He spoke to me what I had learned. I had to Let go and that this ailment was part of His plan. I simply went into my room and prayed and asked the Lord to "do His will." That's when He showed me that my EH didn't need me to come running to him, he needed to run to Him again.

Betha, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

There was no actually turning "point" but instead, it was a slow process that lasted a year and two months after I received my lifeline, my RYM, and shortly thereafter he left OW. Maybe this was the point or maybe it was getting the RYM. I'm not sure.

Tell us HOW it happened Betha? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Betha, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

During all the time he lived with OW, he saw our daughter and me only once. Even after he moved to his mother's, he spent almost two months not wanting to see our daughter. His mother talked to him every day about it because she'd never learned about winning others without a word. He started to begin wanting to see her when our daughter became ill, it was then that he saw how much I had changed. Rather than always talking, asking questions or confronting him, while he was there visiting our daughter, I was always silent and smiling. Every time he came to our house after that, I did my best. Preparing for his visit by doing as Queen Esther did, how she prayed and fasted beforehand. And each time I always asked the Lord to give me a quiet and meek spirit and favor.

Each time we met, my EH never gave me any sign that our marriage could be restored and many people said no way it would happen. Even though it appeared hopeless, he began to come over three times a week, each time slept in our daughter's room and she slept with me. What I noticed is that when he was here he had such peace. Then one night she asked him to sleep over and not to leave us in the morning. Just 5 days later, I was lying down in our room with her and he came in and asked if it would be okay to lie by my side. We all slept peacefully and woke at dawn. During breakfast, he announced "home" is where he needed to be.

It's been nine months since he returned home to us. We are all new, each of us individually, and also as a family.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Betha?

Yes, I highly recommend all the resources that saved my soul and brought about my restoration. Just yesterday a young wife came to me and I found out she is going through everything I went through. I grabbed her phone and bookmarked HopeAtLast.com for her! Then I went to my room and gave her my RYM book that's well worn. I ordered a new one and told her we will get together when I get the new one, so we can swap books. I hope to encourage her even more to stay the course when we meet. Praised be the name of the Lord!!!

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Betha?

Very Much

Either way Betha, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Everything will work out for good to those who love God.

Do not seek only the restoration of your marriage and your family—seek your own restoration—the restoration of your life with deep intimacy with your HH. And also, savor the restoration of hours you can be reading His Word in order to heal and be transformed.

Beloved, the Word of the Lord is our food, so without it, we can not live; in it, we will have everything. We are dying of spiritual malnutrition. Even within the church where I grew up, proper nourishment is not given.

God is faithful and He spoke the truth regarding marriages. He said it is His desire to restore your marriage. Yes, His marriage to us first, and this means to surrender to His plan, not yours. He must be at the center of your life and His love is the only love worth having. When we take care of the Lord's things, follow His plan, He promises to take care of ours. Be restored to your First Love, your HH, and then believe that your complete restoration in all areas will arrive—just as He first arrived in my life, in the life of my daughter and in my marriage!

To the One who is worthy to receive all honor, praise, and glory. I love You from the depths of my soul.