Because of Our Daughters
Juana, how did your restoration actually begin?
My restoration journey began last year, right after we celebrated 10 years of being married. I realized that my marriage was not going well. Something had changed, but I could never have imagined what was coming. So I sought the Lord for help and made an effort to improve my marriage, initiating the changes needed in me. I realized that I did not feel loved so I decided to show love, believing that whatever I planted this I would also reap. I must confess that I felt such love for my husband, something that could only come from God, something He put in me.
Yet, the more I moved toward loving him, the more I changed my attitude, the more love I showed him, the more my husband became distant. He began to avoid me, and he’d walked away whenever I was affectionate.
A few months later, he finally confessed to being unfaithful and having another woman for a full two years. He then told me that it meant nothing but that he was feeling bad about hiding this from me, and that he knew he needed to tell me. It was a huge shock, because I never imagined that could happen to us, to me.
That day I did not sleep, I did not eat, but I instead I sought God ... with a broken heart. He told me that He knew the pain I was feeling, because He was also betrayed by me and He forgave me, so I must do the same. So the next day I told my husband that I loved him and forgave him. It was not easy, but it was sincere.
However, nothing improved; he was still distant, and I began to react with such insecurity, that I began to suffocate him. If he was late, I thought he would not come home at all any more...things like that.
Then on New Year’s Eve, I noticed when he was leaving to go out with “friends” that he took a lot more stuff than he needed. So, I pressed him and he ended up confessing that he was meeting with the OW, who he was in love with. He said he did not love me anymore and that he did not want to be married anymore. My world collapsed. I could not sleep, I would not eat, I could not think of anything else. It was a great battle that was coming against me.
How did God change your situation Juana as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
Earlier, I had already received a Word from God that the enemy was going to try to take my family. He would wage a great war and that my husband was the weakest link. God said he was the target. Yet I was in shock as I was always praying, always fasting, so how could this happen? I did not understand.
Thankfully I had a friend who presented me with a copy of How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. And by the Grace of God, all of this happen while I was reading the book. I confess that as much as I read and realized that what was said was the way I needed to live and believe, I often failed in many of the wise counsels and truths presented there.
For months it was so difficult. My husband kept meeting with, talking to, and spending time with the OW. Then one day she came to see me, and basically she said that I had judged her, that she had done nothing to sway my husband to be with her, and that she was not to blame for the love he felt for her.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Juana?
There were several phases during this process, each were very painful, but I always had the Lord's company once He became my HH.
Dear ones, there have been so many things I've heard, that I was forced to listen to, that if it were not for My Beloved healing me, holding me, I could never have endured it without some horrible consequences. Something I always had in my heart was that I was still functioning, like taking care of my 3 daughters, only because the Lord was supporting me.
Five months later, after I foolishly questioned him, my husband left home. I asked if he had given up on the OW and he told me, NO. I could not stand this situation any more, and I pressed him to tell our daughters what was happening. They saw me crying constantly, and I could no longer hide from them the reason for so much pain. It was a mistake to make my children hurt like I was hurting. Nevertheless my HH was merciful, because when he told them, he said something that stuck with me, leaving me with a glimmer of hope. He said, “Girls, Daddy needs to leave the house, to hear God.” I clung to that, and kept praying that God would speak to him.
From then on I changed my life. I was forced to go back to work, yet I continued dedicating myself to my house, and to my daughters. I went back to reading and re-reading Erin's book, I signed up for the courses on the site, but these were very difficult months. My husband came to visit me sometimes to be intimate, and I always gave in, because I understood that because we were still married, he was still my husband. Yet, when he left he always made it clear that it, we, were over. That he would never come home, that he had never loved me, and that he did not care about me at all.
Yet I was grateful that we always spoke civil because of our daughters who are still children, and he was still a father who was present in their lives. He remained close to our family, always within reach when his children needed him. But of course, the atmosphere in our home was different, the lack he made in their lives was great, and he knew it. There was a period of time when the OW did not want to be with him anymore, and it hurt him a lot and that hurt us too.
Juana, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
From the moment I began taking the courses on the internet and receiving the emails, I was able to put into practice each of the things that I knew I should, but could not before. One thing I never missed no matter how tired I was, my courses were vital to growing and moving forward in my restoration journey, keeping me on the narrow road.
I did not realize that the Lord would change everything so suddenly, which again is why I am thankful I didn’t neglect my courses. When I made these decisions, in my heart, I almost didn’t have time to put them into practice before God changed everything.
Tell us HOW it happened Juana? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Juana, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
My husband was working in another state, and he came every weekend to see his daughters, but stayed in his house where he’d meet the OW. He was in a period of detachment from me again, barely talking to me. Then one day when I went to his house to pick up my daughters, I took a snack with me and he invited me in. I was treated well, but just like any acquaintance.
The next day, as my eldest had not slept well, he mentioned bringing her home and stopping first for lunch. So I invited him to come to my house and I offered to make lunch for all of us (this was another way that the Lord changed me. I had always refused to cook on Sunday, I did not think it was fair). It was strange that he accepted because I hadn’t planned to ask, it just came out. We had lunch, and he went to rest in our older daughter’s room and I went to our room. When he woke up, he came to our room, came to me, and then he talked to me a lot, telling me about his work, about the new house he’d bought in the new city. We spent a lot of time just talking as we had done before.
Then, it happened. He just looked at me and asked if I wanted to go and live in the new city. I could not believe it. Because I waited for it, waited for God to do it, inside I cried, I laughed, I didn’t know what to do, what to say, but first I thanked God. I told him that whenever he wanted was what I wanted, and I would drop everything to go with him and rebuild our family. He said that he understood from God that it was the right thing to do, that it would be a new beginning for us.
Then so I would know it was final, that the war was over, he called our daughters in and told them, “Daddy and Mommy are back together, and we will now all live together again.”
He left because he had to go back to work, but came back again on a Friday. My heart was glad to see him coming home, and that’s when I notice he had his wedding ring on his finger. He had taken it off on New Year's Eve when he left the house.
All together it was almost 9 months of separation, a difficult war, but he came back—all because the Lord is faithful!
The struggles continued that same week, like when the OW came to me, and she spoke many things, things that were very difficult to hear. Telling me that if I returned with him it would lead to being betrayed again. But the Lord, my HH, supported me by whispering His truths. I realized that her cornering me was a huge trap from the enemy. That day I took hold of God’s Word and His promises, prepared for everything in my life to change.
Today it's been almost ten months that we are in our new city, in our new house, in our new life. I am a worker at home again.
My EH has not talked to me about what happened, and I will not say that this is easy, but I know that the God who started the Good Work is Faithful to complete it, and that every promise the Lord gave me HE will fulfill it in His time.
Due to guilt, I think my EH can not talk to me at all about his feelings, and hasn’t begun to say that he loves me like he used to. I do miss this, but I can happily wait on the Lord, all because I know He loves me, and His grace is more than enough for me. I have a HH and He is all I need or want.
Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Juana?
Yes, but another thing I’d like to share is that I set out to do something important during this period, which was to help other women who were going through the same difficulties as I was facing. I started by recommending Erin's book, and also the site, which is an instrument from heaven to accompany us and direct us on our journey.
I would recommend first How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage also A Wise Woman because you’ll need it for when your husband is ready to come home and workers@home. The best is to go through each of the online courses faithfully so you can keep a journal and don’t miss any because you don’t know how quickly your restoration will happen. My favorite was Finding the Abundant Life Course because it’s what will help you endure the most difficult times knowing He is your HH and His love is there for you.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Juana?
Yes
Either way Juana, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Do not give up. The journey may feel long, but the Lord promises to guide and He will strengthen you throughout the process. Love the Lord above all things, focus on Him, and let Him take care of you and your husband and your children. You must follow the wise counsel of these books, it expresses the Word of the Lord, because He is speaking to you through them— it will make all the difference in your journey. As God did and will continue to do in my marriage, I know He will also do it in yours dear friend, because God hates divorce, so do what you can to fulfill the Lord's will. Obedience to God’s Word is what is the key to our lives and the lives of our family.
By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 2): No Weapon Formed Against you will Prosper
