Before God We Renewed our Vows
What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Lindsay, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.
Lindsay, how did your restoration actually begin?
My name is Lindsay and I have been married for 15 years. There was another 8 years of dating, for a total 23 years in a loving relationship with my husband. We tried to conceive for years before our little princess was born. Like all moms, probably even more so, I dedicated myself totally to my daughter leaving my husband to fend for himself more and more.
Soon, however, I began to notice changes in his behavior; he seemed to be someone else. We started to move more apart each day and soon what I feared most happened! I was already very suspicious that he had an OW. Then the day my daughter was 6 months old, I found 2 pictures of a woman on his cell phone. Like everyone else, I foolishly confronted him demanding to know who she was. He said he did not know how that photo had gotten on his phone, but I knew.
After that fateful day my life turned upside down. I unknowingly began my restoration journey through the desert, if only I had realized how to take the most direct path.
About a month after my discovery, he left home for the first time. Later I discovered he’d spent the weekend with the OW. It was terrible. I just wanted to do something to make this nightmare stop! I wanted to stop the world, I even wanted to kill him and the OW. I did not know what to do to stop the pain. Would you believe I even hired a private detective who just stole my money? My days were hell, every weekend he’d pack a bag and rush off to spend it at the OW's house. I knew about her, but he swore he wasn’t involved with anyone.
It was several weekends later when he came out rolling his suitcase with his best clothes on that I really knew he wasn’t traveling for business. I’d noticed he had started to take care of himself more, and that made my pain worse every day. After 3 months of him leaving weekends, he told me that he was going on vacation, saying that he would spend a couple of weeks near where my family lives, to spend time with his 3 brothers. I found it strange because he always said he hated this resort area, that it was too crowded. That’s when I was sure that she was from there.
Trying to cover up what he was doing, because he worked for my father and he knew he’d be fired if found out, he asked me if I wanted to go. So, I said yes, packed my bags and off we went; all of us, including our daughter. Thinking I had somehow dodged another fatal blow to our marriage, he left me at my mother's house and disappeared, reappearing after two days. The fatal blow wasn’t what he did, it was what I decided to do next. When he left again, I decided to follow him. I followed him into a parking garage of a very upscale building. He disappeared so I called his cell phone and said I was downstairs parked next to his car. He rushed back and got into my car, all sweaty due to his nervousness.
He tried to calm me, but it didn’t work. I was the contentious woman through and through. When I wouldn’t calm down, he got out and began to get into his car. But I pulled him out, pulled him to the ground and I began beating him. I broke my own nose when I fell forward, but he was also hurt badly. When I finally stopped I could see he had bled a lot, and he was crying. Foolish to the end, I said a few good choice vulgar words, got up and left. My husband, not surprisingly never came back. Instead, he moved out of our home and moved in with the other woman. You’d think this would be enough to change me, but my flesh was unquenchable.
How did God change your situation Lindsay as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I drove into the city determined to put an end to my misery. I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer at 10 AM, but it turns out that God was in charge. There was a horrible accident on the road that prevented me from passing so I missed my meeting with the lawyer.
That weekend I was invited to an Encouraging Women’s group. I knew I needed the courage to end my marriage and move on with my life, so I was excited to go. In this group there was a woman about my age, and as she began to talk and told her story—it was me! Then she turned to me, shocked me really, by saying that she knew I was going through the same situation and she asked if she could pray for me. She did, asking the Lord to soften my heart, to change me and to restore my marriage.
Even though I wanted to pull away and run, I found myself crying. God touched my heart and she told me about the Abundant Life I could have with a new Husband. I came back the next week and met many more women who were going through similar situations in their marriages. We began to study A Wise Woman together and about half way through, a woman gave me How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. Each week we shared praises about what He’d done, never spoke about our husbands or our difficulties, and each week I left with more and more hope for my future.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lindsay, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
Honestly, I have used all of this ministry's teachings to aid in restoring my marriage, and especially to understand all that was happening to me had a purpose. That purpose was for me to find my abundant life, to have my HH ‘s love change me, melt away my contentiousness. I was given and read a Bible for the first time in my life and I even joined a prayer group that prays for contentious woman like I once was.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Lindsay?
There were were many difficult times, especially when he was traveling on vacations with the OW. But every difficulty had its purpose. It let me feel the pain of my own making, that allowed me to find my HH.
Lindsay, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
After I did not call, pursue or act in my prior contentiousness, my husband called me. He said, "I no longer want to live with a mistress. I have a choice to leave her if you’ll forgive me and take me back.” It was then I had the opportunity to ask my husband for his forgiveness and he readily accepted.
Tell us HOW it happened Lindsay? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lindsay, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
God gave me the wisdom to calm down and confess to my husband my shortcomings as a wife, and despite everything I did to him, all the pain I’d caused us, all the destruction I caused due to my contentiousness, nine months ago he came back home. Last month we went on a vacation alone. While we were walking along the beach one night, we discovered a wedding chapel. We checked the door, it was open, so we went in. Without anyone officiating, before God we renewed our vows. My husband and I just wanted to thank Erin, sending you our love and thanks for making this possible.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Lindsay?
I recommend all materials. For me I needed to go through A Wise Woman first before I was ready to consider reading the Restore Your Marriage book. Later a group of us went through your online courses, which helped renew our minds even more because I learned the most when I filled out the daily journal. Your book Finding the Abundant Life was how I discovered His love and knowing that it was He, my HH who I needed to know and change for.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Lindsay?
Yes
Either way Lindsay, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Let each of us run to our HH—run to the Lord, make Him in first place in your life. Love Him with all your heart and then begin to change the lives around you!
