♕Today's Promise: “God's kindness leads him to repentance.” Romans 2:4
Francisca, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
In the past I would answer without blinking that everything started on the honeymoon, today I know it was even before I got married. My sins condemned my marriage even before I got married. One sin begat the next sin, which gave birth to the next, and a string of sins established the destruction of my marriage. (An abyss calls another abyss, Psalm 42:7). I am the daughter of the world, I was raised with the values and bad habits of the world—generations of sin is how my life began and was fostered.
For you to understand better, my part in this tragic and so painful story, it all started with dishonor and disobedience to my parents in my teens, which left me blind, without discrimination, dead. “Honor your father and your mother; and: Whoever curses his father or mother will surely die.” Matthew 15: 4
Dishonor, coupled with wrong values, worldly thoughts, and goals were the cause of destruction. To feel loved, cherished, valued, I started dating very early, after I had a few boyfriends, and wrongly gave my heart, my strength, and mind to one of them, I did it with each that followed. After a while, one boy left me for another girl. At the time I suffered too much, I even wanted to die, in the midst of this emotional mismatch I tried to find another greater love, because there was a saying in my world at the time that stated that “you only forget a great love, with a greater one." Yes, there was a Greater Love who could help me get over it but I was years from discovering this secret.
In this wrong search for another great earthly love, I started dating my husband. We both already worked, after 2 years of dating we discovered that I was pregnant. We promptly scheduled the wedding. It was a difficult decision because inwardly I believed that I had not yet forgotten my first great love. If all this inner confusion was not enough, on my honeymoon, my (now) husband, who was a gentleman during courtship, cooled, ignored me, and treated me badly. We fought so much on our honeymoon, it was so bad that on the way back all I thought about was breaking up.
When I talked to my mother, she had her heart hardened, because for her a broken marriage was a dishonor, a shame for the family. At the age of 21 without support from my mother, I reluctantly moved in with my husband to try to make this marriage work. Unfortunately, the coexistence continued to be with many fights and disputes, because we both came from a sinful foundation, with habits of dishonor and disrespect, financial indiscipline, which resulted in having financial problems in the first month. Add this to our other problems, the main problem of mutual respect, we even physically attacked each other a few times. Verbal aggression was constant.
Between slaps and kisses, our first child was born. Two months later, I was already pregnant again. One son was born in January and the next in December of the same year. A widespread mess, a lot of financial and emotional mismatch. Things improved a little bit financially, and we had our third child two years later. More and more fights, more disagreements, everything always revolving around finances, immaturity, and lack of respect.
Until we gave up on our own business, I quickly got a job, we went to live at my parents' house because of expenses, but my husband didn't get any job. He didn't even really make a move to look for one, on the contrary, he had a thousand excuses, which I saw as a weak man I was tied down to.
Four years went by in this huge mess, every year I was getting more tired of the whole situation. I wanted to leave my parents house, as it was supposed to be temporary, just a few months while we were reorganizing our lives. But he was enjoying the comfort, the lack of responsibility, the support we had there. I believe that he did not have a family like that and what for my husband was a treat, for me, it was becoming a calamity. A little bit of me died every day. I wanted my own house, my own family, my privacy, and peace—because my parents fight too much, they had a marriage full of fights. They fought so much that they didn't even realize how much they fought and in front of all of us.
Over the four years we lived in my parents' house, the situation became impossible for me. I was still very young, with 3 small children, and in my head, I was condemned to a marriage where my parents and I were the providers, while my husband enjoyed staying at home and being taken care of. He didn't even take care of his own children. After asking, begging my husband, my mother to talk to my husband, appealing to any and all human decency, to leave my parents' house and support his family. Nothing we did was successful.
I was hurt, worn out, exhausted, and on the edge.
How did God change your situation, Francisca, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
“I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” Matthew 9:13 “God's kindness leads him to repentance.” Romans 2:4
In the midst of this agony of life, I was consumed within, destroyed. I cried in secret, I didn't talk to anyone anymore, and I couldn't see a way out. I was trapped. Trapped in a prison of pain, lies, deception, guilt, condemnation, hatred, resentment, and endless hurts. But God...
My dear Heavenly Husband, Wonderful, My Eternal Prince of Peace, finally provided a way for my EH (earthly husband) to have his own business, and during the interviews that he went on throughout the following year, I said “if God works, if my EH gets a job without having any degree, I will go to church, I will know that God exists, God sees me. If He shows me that I exist because only He can solve this huge mess, I go to church and I will never leave Him again.” He started his own business at the end of the year our 3rd child was born, and in the same month I grabbed him and his 3 children, and we all went to church.
At the first church service, I told God that He needed to prove to me that He was real once and for all or if it was an illusion, unrealistic. In my mind, I said that from now on I would do everything in my power, that I would obey Him unconditionally, that I would obey all 10 commandments and that I would tithe, that I would never make a decision again without His approval. That was my part, His was to prove that He was real. See I was not being boastful, and He knows that, understand my context, I had been raised in the Catholic Church, going to countless masses, saying rosaries, making many promises to saints, the Christ I knew was nailed to the wall and did not interact with people. I was desperate for a saviour, a saviour just for me! I was filthy, weighed down with sin, overwhelmed by guilt and condemnation. I now hated myself more than I hated my husband because I was the person who committed adultery - an adulterous woman in our society is considered a prostitute. Neither society nor my family would have room and mercy for me, I would be emotionally stoned to death. I needed to know if God was real because He would have a solution, and I was giving Him everything I knew existed, including that part of the tithe. I had never heard tithe in the Catholic church, but I had a lot of financial problems, so it was all or nothing, I was throwing myself into death (if He didn’t exist and all that was just man’s invention).
Five months later God led me to be born again, He washed my soul, washed my guilt, washed away all the accusations, fears, pain, anger. He tore the sky and poured out love abundantly in my life. He was speaking to my heart and teaching me more about God, His Grace, His Favor, His Justice, His desire to save me, this infamous sinner. I cried every day, all day, when I was supplied with love, supplied with self-forgiveness, supplied with grace. He gave me the main command that changed my whole life.
God explained that love is a command we choose to obey or ignore. We must decide to obey and love a person, even if he is not worth loving and we don’t feel anything for that person. Love does not depend on feeling, that love is a verb, a continuous attitude. I will love as He loves me. The person decides to love, to obey the command, and in obedience, the feeling will appear. He then explained to me what constitutes true love, how this verb multiplies in actions, actions, and not feelings, "Love is patient and kind. It is not envious, nor proud; it is not arrogant, nor rude. Love does not demand that you do what he wants.
"Love is patient and kind. It is not envious, nor proud; it is not arrogant, nor rude. Love does not demand that you do what it wants. It is not irritable and hardly suspicious of the harm that others can do to you. Never is He satisfied with injustice, but he rejoices in the truth. Love never gives up, never loses faith, always has hope, and perseveres in all circumstances." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6
I was shocked, because my whole life I believed in love as an overwhelming feeling, in the love that I watched on soap operas, in the movies, love based on body chemistry. However, my Savior, and now He was the Lord, explains in His Word that love is a verb, an action, a daily practice that begins in the heart, the person's decision to obey God. I was shocked that I had decided to obey God to death, never to do anything without God's permission, authorization, and blessing. And what I prayed the most in these last 5 months was when I could officially separate, when that lie, my marriage would end, that God would show me the right time for separation. And He was actually preparing me to receive the message that He hates divorce and that this insane marriage, conceived entirely in sin and error, was a marriage that He wanted me to remain in and flourish in.
The prison of lies that held me captive was in an instant destroyed, I was freed from lies, deception, darkness.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Francisca, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
God needed to teach me everything because I knew nothing. Seeking God first, reading and obeying His word saved my life. The principles that are in your wonderful book, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, the loving book (Bible) was what finally taught me to live a decent, honest, upright life and how to relate to myself, the people around me, and especially my husband. The first lesson after I returned home with my mindset on God's plan, was to shut up, not to answer back when my husband spoke to me anymore. Pray, and read the Bible daily to learn about this new plan, this new life I was living—this new opportunity that had been revealed to me, but that I didn't understand or knew almost nothing about.
Then RMI entered my life where I learned to let go, and to agree with the enemy, to look to the Lord as a Heavenly Husband. This was the second most amazing gift of my life after receiving my salvation!!
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Francisca?
There were many, so many. So I will briefly describe a few. The first was we had our business that went bankrupt, so all of our financial support was taken away and everything was slowly being taken from us. The more I prayed and fasted, the worse the situation got. We are left with huge debts in the courts, the banks, and to our family. This tribulation lasted 10 years, we were very crushed, ashamed, but in the end, I learned to depend on God financially and to wait for Him to complete His plan.
One point that culminated in breaking me, and that put me back to bed, in depression, in sadness, was when I realized that many years had passed since my conversion and the rescue of my marriage, however, my husband had left the church, being soon followed by our children who were teenagers at the time. This second depression was lighter than the first, I started to fight it with prayer, no medication, or counseling. I tried everything until HE guided me to RMI.
I was hungry for a clear direction, where the Bible was the sole guide (or soul guide 🙂 I quickly took all the courses online, read the book A Wise Woman, and started helping other women. That was the biggest breakthrough. My mind started a new process of renewal, of purification, I began noticing all wrong concepts I accepted as truth from other Christians and churches, but due to your materials and urging us to get in His Word and ask Him, I began to form new mental strengths. God became my source for wisdom and a new process of brokenness, healing, and liberation in my life was established, as well as, in my emotions and in my family.
I had already talked about God so much with all the members of the home, that I managed to burn all the opportunities because the previous speech was not compatible with my behavior. I was a Pharisee and a contentious woman too. Once I began the process of meekness, humility, patience, being very quiet, waiting for what God wanted me to do or say, when He wants me to do it, and how He wants to do it, then I began to be effective with the people I knew who came to me and asked me!
It was very difficult to admit that I was still a fool in many areas of my life, that after so many years of serving God, confessing everything is always helpful because it is a new beginning. RMI has helped in this process of reconnecting me with my first Love, my HH (Heavenly Husband), and realizing our lives are always on the road to restoration. I had been stuck in a ditch for a long time and couldn't even understand what I was doing wrong. Encouraging me to journal, to confess, to pour my heart out to Him whenever I learned something new kept me moving along quickly and peacefully.
It was very difficult to deal with my EH's indifference at various stages of our marriage, however, the principle of receiving everything you need from your HH, His affection, His love, sustains me, and keeps me encouraged, inspired, protected from my EH when he’s not who I know he would like to be. Everything I need comes from Him. Focus on Him, look to Him, expect what only He can give you, and not EH. Also, learn to Let Go. Leave it with Him.
Francisca, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The initial turning point was to repent and receive the son of God as Lord, Savior, Redeemer, and Director of my life, to give Him the first place in Everything. Receiving the Good News, the truth, forgiveness, and His Word as the center of my life.
The current turning point remains exactly the same, repenting and restoring the Lord as my First Love, as my HH, as the center of my entire existence. "But I have this against you that you left your first love.” Revelation 2:4. Somehow I had lost myself, even behind the values of the church and the promises of God, I believe that I lost myself in my own understanding, with the deadlines we give and with fantasies we create. Letting go of the church puts Him in first place.
My life took a turn when I returned to my first Love, and finally discovered that He was not only my Redeemer, Lord, Father, King, but mainly He was my Perfect Husband, the Heavenly Husband who had a covenant with me—a perfect, unbreakable covenant.
Tell us HOW it happened, Francisca? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Francisca, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
Yes, my husband just showed up, or maybe it was I who showed up. I didn't see anything was about to happen. I was blind, and God did everything Himself. Without my help, without interference. I got in the way. It is just as your book says it’s how GOD will restore, we can’t.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Francisca?
I highly recommend all of your online courses, they are fundamental in renewing and cleansing the mind and soul. mind renewal. I took each course several times, and I believe I will still do them again and again.
I recommend the book A Wise Woman, what a gem. Reading the daily Encourager, the daily devotionals, and reading the Bible every day (greatest book on LOVE in the universe)!
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Francisca?
Yes, totally interested.
Either way, Francisca, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Beloved and beautiful women, the encouragement I leave you with is that no one has loved you or will never love you like your Heavenly Husband longs to love you. Until you believe and receive this truth as the first of your life, and it becomes the cornerstone of your life, you will continue to be submerged in pain and torment.
All the love that you wanted to receive, all the affection, all the acceptance, all the pain, all the abandonment, the contempt that you feel, all the emptiness that is tearing at your heart. Everything that you think was your EH who caused it, everything is for your HH to take care of— your EH will never be able to take or fix anything.
Our heart belongs to the KING, our life is His, our everything must remain with our Heavenly Husband.
I deeply thank Him for first showing me that I needed Him—for so many years of my life. And that He chose the fools of this world to confuse the wise. He took me as His, He poured out His wisdom and love on me. And then He chose to test me, poured rain on me, caused rivers to overflow, to blow the winds from all sides, but He has kept me grounded in Him who is my Rock and my salvation.
"So whoever hears these words of mine and practices them is like a prudent man who built his house on the rock. The rain fell, the rivers overflowed, the winds blew and hit that house, and it did not fall, because it had its foundations on the rock, Matthew 7:24,25
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