RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Don’t Fool Yourself”

Dana, how did your restoration actually begin?

My journey began about 10 months ago when after my husband decided to leave me. He left home for work and then just didn’t come back. During the time of his disappearance, I heard from everyone that after what he did (by just leaving without saying anything to me) that I couldn’t take my husband back, much less me to attempt any sort of reconciliation. But I was convinced that this was not my wish and despite the pain I felt for what I called abandonment, I tried to find something that gave me strength. That's when I discovered RMI and found HopeAtLast.

Soon after I delivered our baby, entirely alone, I suffered from deep depression after giving birth. The days became very difficult, so I soon went back to being the contentious woman I'd been before. Once again, I spoke without thinking, I thought I was the owner of all truth, superior. But deep inside I was anxious, and I often spoke of getting a divorce. It's when our daughter was with 8 months I'd gone back to your website.

I'd sought the help of a psychologist and pastors, but each did nothing to change how I felt or help rid me of my depression. But once I was back, and did just one lesson, I felt at peace again and knew He'd brought me back to where I belonged.

How did God change your situation Dana as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

One day on a website I saw a comment from one woman encouraging the other, the Lord touched me at that moment. I sent her email and I contact to ask her to tell me more. I waited anxiously for her to answer, an answer that took days. At this stage, I was crazy, I had lost it completely. But then, suddenly, one day she answered me with so much deep love (even though she didn't know me). She asked me to read chapter one of the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, and so I did, and then there began the beautiful work He began in me.

I ordered the paperback book and devoured it. I just couldn't get enough. That's when I found HopeAtLast and was offered the free lessons.

Through the lessons, I began to see just what had ruined my marriage. The shock was that it did not happen due to my husband's horrible abandonment. But it happened on account of my contentious and selfish behavior, which is what drove him to just up and leave me. I was very demanding of my husband, not respecting his limitations and never accepting his opinion on anything I had a mind to do. Once I learned the truth, I began to ask and beg Him to change me. I prayed every day to be transformed and learned to live by faith, accepting the fact that I could not and should not do anything to try to bring my husband back. To do nothing except to wait on God. And so I did.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Dana, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

Faith dictated I had to believe what was written in the Bible as I marked numerous passages and began making 3x5 cards. I focused on the most important principles that I made my own along my journey of restoration. I started with those that were the hardest for me, like how we as wives must be submissive to our husbands to show our respect to God. Some make men their god, their idol and this is why they submit to their husbands, but this is just as bad, maybe worse than being rebellious. He must be first in our lives pure and simple and being subject must be to please God not our husbands.

For me to submit to my husband meant I had to get rid of my pride and arrogance, which had always made me feel superior to my husband. The concept was shown in my heart when I read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, but it was the Bible that convicted me that these were His words to me, not just this ministries options. It was Erin who gave her life up to open my eyes so that the Lord could fill my heart with hope and His healing love. Once I'd discovered that I was doing everything wrong and began to change everything, my entire world changed.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Dana?

The most difficult moments came at night, when I felt the loneliness, when I was longing for my husband, and the moments when I wanted to "do" something in the flesh to get closer to my husband. It was in these moments that I realized that the loneliness I felt was in fact lack of the kind of relationship I was missing with my HH. I'd done through courses 1, 2 and 3 and had started the Finding the Abundant Life Course.

That's when I wasn't just addressing the Lord as my HH, but when He began to BE my true Husband in every sense of the word. He was really there with me and I was really never left alone. When I read when women were still addressing Him as God or Jesus, I knew, to them, He was still far away, up there in heaven. I know because that's where He'd always been to me. But when I realized He was here, right next to me, when I began singing love songs and not worship songs, my heart began to heal.

Then soon after, when I was just enjoying being His bride, my daughter became very sick, several times I lived in the hospitals. Yet in those late nights when I was told she could pass away in the night, even though to the nurses and doctors I was alone, I was never alone. I had my Husband there to comfort me and shower me with peace.

Another very difficult time was when my EH called to tell me he was filing for a divorce. But because I was His bride, I was no longer afraid or reluctant. Instead, I had long since let it go. I had a new Man in my life, so I believe it shocked my husband when I almost sounded relieved, maybe even happy. Later I read Facing Divorce Again and I was so surprised by how much He'd done what He did in Michele's life and how this caused my husband not to file. Instead it made him begin trying to get back with me (though I wasn't aware of this until months later).

Dana, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when I decided to reply to an email that my husband had sent me. It was sort of a follow-up email regarding the divorce. In it, I humbly said that I recognized my mistakes, didn't blame him for wanting a divorce and told him that I had fully let him go months before. I told him I would always be grateful to him for everything, that he was a good man but that I had found true happiness in my life, which was all true. Needless to say, he stopped the divorce and started to reach out to me, treating me better and speaking well of me with everyone.

Tell us HOW it happened Dana? Did your husband just walk in the front door?

My husband is at home. He came back five months ago saying that he loves me and regrets everything that has happened. But, he said that despite the sufferings we experienced, it was necessary because we now have a greater understanding about the things of God and finally we see our mistakes and how neither of us had a clue what the divine purpose was for marriage or our roles as husband and wife. Today, I am here to simply and humbly thank God—to shout out—He is wonderful! My marriage, as He promised it would be, has been restored.

My earthly husband said he observed my radical changes and I told him I owed these to faithful following of the RMI guidelines but mostly the faith that I now have and my newly found relationship I have with the Lord.

I have learned that it is only through our gentle and quiet spirit, which happens once we truly become His bride, which is what changes us. Thank you, my Heavenly Husband. I love You more every day. I love You for all the work You did in me and am thankful for each and every trial and tribulation You carried me through, made me Your own. I am your bride.

Dana, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

No, I did not suspect anything at all. But when he called me to say he wanted to meet me somewhere so we could talk, I said, 'Ready or not, Darling, let Your will be done. I only want You, You know that. And yet, I can not go against Your plan for my life, for my daughter’s life and my EH’s life either.' At one point I’d thought (actually hoped) the divorce had gone through and that’s why he wanted to meet, but found out he’d dropped it.

Though it was not an “Hallelujah” moment for me, later I realized I can be just as close to my HH as I’ve been over this past year. Had I known, I wouldn’t have been so reluctant to meet knowing it was okay that He was about to restore our marriage.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Dana?

Yes. I recommend reading the workbook A Wise Woman first and then going through the How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage as a course. I read and reread both these books several times and continue reading and re-reading them. Each has become my bedside reading along with the Bible. But until you go through Finding the Abundant Life Course and Living the Abundant Life courses I don't believe you can be truly at peace, happy, and glow the way He intends us to be as His brides.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Dana?

Yes, I have asked the Lord for this opportunity and I hope He will use me. For now I reply to posted prayer on several websites and send women chapter 1 of God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and also send them to HopeAtLast.com.

Either way Dana, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Believe in the Lord, in this process, and give yourself fully to Him. Don't fool yourself into thinking He's number 1 when you're still obsessed and focused on your EH. My testimony was as hopeless as they come, and everyone told me there was no good solution. But GOD has proved them wrong. He led me to RMI, He nudged me again using my daughter's serious illness and hospitalization that was necessary for me to take the steps along my Restoration Journey in order to transform me and my life. But not only do I have my family back, but I discovered that I didn't need (and for a long time didn't want) my marriage restored in order to be happy and full of joy.

Whether you want your marriage restored or not. All of us want to be happy. What if you knew that you could be over the moon in love to the point that it erases every wrong you've done and what's been done to you? Would you want that for your life? It is possible. Just let go of it all so you can fully embrace Him.