♕ Today's Promise: “...hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:3
Bridgette, how did your restoration actually begin?
Dear friends who are traveling this same journey, I’ve come to share my restored marriage testimony, to the Honor and Glory of my Beloved Lord.
We had just celebrated 15 years of marriage and were expecting our first, long-hoped-for daughter. We were both very happy with the arrival of the baby, but I had complications in the last months of pregnancy, and I believe that’s when I began my journey.
I was always overweight in our marriage, and my husband always demanded that I take more care and always blamed my weight on our lack of intimacy. He was okay with it, but I tended to avoid intimacy, due to the shame of being overweight.
When my daughter was born, I was hospitalized close to 3 weeks. Remaining in the hospital, for some reason, led to me becoming very contentious and demanding. I never realized I’d been harboring a lot of anger in my heart, and I’d forgotten that my Lord even existed. To top it all, I no longer was grateful for the good things that happened—like finally being able to conceive and being blessed by a healthy baby girl.
I became a demanding, irate person because I wanted to run the house my way! I did not like his family to stay in our house for a long time, even though they came to help. When I remember how selfish and bitter I was, I am so ashamed.
After my daughter turned a year, I noticed my husband was different. He was cold, distracted, and we seemed to fight about everything. Slowly, he began to want space, time and freedom from me, and he began going out alone with friends.
One day, I couldn't stand it. I was angry, so I stood with my hands on my hips, got in his face and said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” He almost shouted, “Yes!! I don’t love you anymore; I’m still young, and I want to be happy, and I’m sorry, but I found another woman who makes me very happy!”
At that moment, my world collapsed, and since I didn't know how to act in a situation like this (something I was totally unprepared for and never thought in a million years would happen), I shoved him and yelled, “Get out!! Just go pack your things and never speak to me again!!” That night, he went to his sister's house, but later, I discovered that he stayed for just one night, then he went to live with OW.
How did God change your situation, Bridgette, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
After my husband left, I lost weight very fast. I think I heard Chelle calling it the “infidelity diet.” I could not eat or sleep, nor take care of my daughter. I was in a deep depression. Something in my heart cried for the restoration of my family, even without knowing how it could possibly work. I went to speak to my husband several times and asked him to come back, but that only increased the wall of hate that was impenetrable. I cried every day, and for a long time, I did not seek the Lord. At one point, when I was at my lowest, I fell to the floor and begged God for forgiveness for leaving Him.
Soon after, I found myself searching the internet about divorce and reconciliation. I found several websites, but none gave me hope. Then, a few months later, by the mercy of the Lord, I found RMI. I got the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, and when I read it, I was reluctant to believe that I had really torn down my house with my own hands. But the more I sat alone listening to God speak to me, the more I knew I really had done this.
I started devouring the book, and then I took the FREE course. I started to change my attitude and stopped listening to other people telling me to divorce my husband. I saw first hand the power of fasting and prayer because I had never fasted before, but I saw things happen during those days that I never dreamed were possible. In the midst of almost every fast, often on the third day, my husband would often show up at our home to visit my daughter, and when he came, due to being so weak from fasting, I was kind and gentle to him—a different spirit than the one he’d seen in me before.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Bridgette, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
I started applying each of the principles, as I read the RMI materials and intensely studied the Bible, looking up every verse I read. The principle of letting go was probably the most important and the most difficult. When I went looking for my husband, he would try to get away from me. But when I searched for my HH and His love, then suddenly my husband would come around looking for me.
One of the most difficult times was when he first came home (my first restoration) and left three days later when the OW (other women) sent a message asking him to return. I had to start over again because in dreams and in my heart, the Lord told me it wasn’t over; there was a bigger battle left to be fought.
Another difficult time was when my earthly husband began to go into depression, due to his financial situation. But I knew why it was happening and just kept quiet. Just as the Word of the Lord says, “For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, and an adulteress hunts for the precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out” (Prov. 6:24–33).
One day, he called to talk to me and said I was the only person he trusted, and he told me who the OW was and how she told him to leave her alone because he was also involved with someone else. He said he had nowhere to go, so he was living at his sister's house again. I knew how easily I could say, “come back home,” but it had to be at the appointed time. I suffered a lot from seeing his life like that, and that’s when the Lord told me to stop praying for my EH, to allow him to suffer enough to want his life to change. So I did.
Bridgette, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
The turning point was when he started coming home and seeing all the dramatic changes my HH was making in me—both physical and how I was behaving. I was very aloof, because I had a Lover, and I could see that was drawing him back, like alluring him when I wasn’t trying to. When he first asked to sleep at home, I knew not to deny intimacy with him, which later he said helped him to want to return home.
Tell us HOW it happened, Bridgette. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Bridgette, did you suspect, or could you tell you were close to being restored?
He was constantly coming home, sleeping here, and then returning to his sister's house. Gradually, I noticed that he was bringing his clothes home, making plans for the future, and one day, I realized he’d been home for weeks. That’s when I asked my HH if I was restored, and He answered, “It is finished,” and reminded me that I owed Him praise and to fill out my restoration form.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Bridgette?
Yes, I would recommend all your resources; each one has helped me a lot. I read and reread the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and A Wise Woman paperbacks, marking them and writing in the margins. But I found most of the help in the online courses and by journaling.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Bridgette?
Yes
Either way, Bridgette, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Don't give up. Even though you think it's impossible (just as I thought), hold on to the Lord with both hands! Seek His Word for all your answers. And when you think nothing is happening, trust me, you’re wrong! God never sleeps, and the Lord is busy working on your behalf when you focus on loving Him. We don't need to see what He's doing; we just need to believe.
UPDATE: I wanted to add to my RMT. There’s another situation that I’d like to share to encourage the women reading my testimony. My husband had been home for more than 6 months when he became cold and distant again. In those first few months, I faced rejection and a variety of other trials. Several times, I thought about giving up, but thought, “why?” God is who restored my marriage, so He will be the One to complete it. I chose instead to begin a rendezvous with the Lover of my Soul, and I remained lovesick for our beloved Lord. Just as it says, “when the battle is the Lord’s, the victory is ours,” that is exactly what happened. In a single day, everything changed, and our marriage is now better than it has ever been!!
So dear friends, don’t strive to restore or keep your marriage restored. You’ll be tested, believe me, and the test is where your heart is. Keep it His; it is difficult, once your husband is home, but be diligent to make time for your First Love (I make lunch dates with Him, alone in the park, or my car when it’s raining.) Do what you have to, but don’t go back.
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