♕Today's Promise: “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Psalm 112:7
Eliana, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
Before I talk about how my restoration began, I would like to comment a little on how our marital problem began.
We are a couple who have been through many things together. I emphasize this because it may be of help to a woman like me because I did not find a testimony similar to mine. We were pregnant three times and all three babies died. In the last delivery I was doing so badly that they took out my uterus. In other words, my chances of being a mother were zero, humanly speaking. At that time my husband Liam was very helpful to me, because I was very depressed and he told me that I didn't trust God, that he was the one who created me and he could make me conceive again.
After this time we went to live alone because during my pregnancy my mother lived with us. In the beginning we rented and then the Lord gave us a house to live in without having to pay anything. Mostly I was the one who worked and contributed to the home. I confess that for this reason I treated Liam very badly, underestimating what he did. And even made jokes about him with other people. Then Liam began to work and after a few months he began to behave very strangely with me, he no longer touched me, everything was very distant, he always came with complaints from work and everything that was talked about at home was about how bad things were done to him at work.
I didn't say anything to him, what I thought inside was that he didn't like any job but so many complaints and his coldness towards me was already frustrating me a little. Then I had a wisdom tooth operation and on the first day he treated me very well. But on the third day he told me that he wanted to separate, that I didn't take care of him, that he was very frustrated, and he told me many ugly things that hurt me a lot. I told him that I wasn't taking care of him because I couldn't but that everything was going to be fine.
At that time there was a couples workshop in our church and I told him to give us some time to do the couples workshop, if after that he wanted to leave, then I would accept it. Then he got very sick to his stomach. I thought that was coming from God because of how badly he had treated me while I was resting. In the end he recovered and we finished the couples workshop, everything seemed to have improved, but after a few days everything got worse, Liam told me that he no longer wanted to be with me and that he couldn't continue being there out of pity. All this was hurting me too much but I insisted that he stay. Until one day I couldn't take it anymore and I told Liam he could go whenever he wanted, he didn't think twice and when I got home from work he was gone.
This was so horrible for me because I thought he doesn't want to be with me anymore because I can't bear children, I'm ugly, there were so many things that went through my mind. I did all the fighting spiritually because I also understood that we both come from dysfunctional families and that curse was following us both. I anointed my house. I did everything. My face looked very bad. I slept on the bus, I lost a lot of weight and I lived through all this in silence because I had no one to talk to about the subject, because I did not want to receive that advice of "leave it, you deserve better". My pastors just told me to give him time and that from then on what I did was my decision. That is whether Liam wanted to fight or not. My support was to search the internet for everything related to marriage restoration and the internet, but I did not find RMI.
How did God change your situation, Eliana, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
One day at night praying after Liam had already returned home and with great desperation to see his attitude, and despite living in my house he did not respect me and talked to other women in front of me. I asked my Heavenly husband to bring a friend into my life who could help me in this journey. Someone to talk and pray with and the next day searching the internet I found RMI's testimonials and I downloaded the book on How God can and will restore your marriage. I was shocked by the way God responded to me. He is wonderful. I know I still have a lot to learn; and I ask my Heavenly Husband not to give me anything until I am truly firm in Him. I don't know if that prayer will be right, but I really don't want to leave His side again. God has been the only one who has been there with me in this difficult time.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Eliana?
Actually there were many. I was a Pharisee. Whenever I heard an accusing preaching I felt that it was for Liam, for his adultery and bad attitudes towards me. Luke 6:39-42 “Why do you look at the straw that is in your brother's eye and do not look at the beam that is in yours?” But then I realized that I believed myself better than my husband because I earned more money than him and that the biggest provision came from me. I disrespected and completely violated the principle that the man is the head of the woman. When I read the story of the father who told his son to sit down and didn't do it until he finally did, but then he exclaimed that he was sitting but inside he was standing up.
I felt so identified because when my crisis started I tried to do things well, but inside me there was a lot of pride and a haughty spirit. Of the principles that helped me on this long journey, winning without words has been a blessing in my life, although I do not deny that it cost me a bit because I did not keep quiet about anything. And letting go of my husband and letting my heavenly husband work has been the greatest blessing. The only thing I know about the OW is what they told me. But I don't know who she is and I don't want to know either. I think that has helped me and made my faith stronger.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Eliana?
All the moments were very difficult, but seeing that he was leaving and not caring about everything we had lived together hurt me too much, but there the Lord showed me that he is my companion and my faithful husband. Because as a woman abandoned and sad in spirit the Lord called you, and as the wife of youth who is divorced, your God said: “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but I will gather you with great mercies” Isaiah 54:6-8. Every time Liam told me that he didn't love me and that he would never come back to me, it was like a stab to my soul. Or, for example, when I saw my husband on the phone at night, I know he is talking to the OW, but I tell myself in my mind. "I will not be afraid of bad news: my heart is firm trusting in the Lord" Psalms 112:7
Eliana, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
I had been 3 days without hearing from my husband. This made me very sad because he always in one way or another visited me or at least called me. So I was in a prayer service at my church and I was telling the Lord that if He was truly hearing my prayers and was with me, He would show me. I was on my feet and my phone was on the chair. At that very moment I felt someone touch me from behind and showed me that there was a call, it was Liam, I got emotional and I was left feeling restless but I kept praying. When I left the service I called him and then he went to my house. That day he asked me if I wanted him to stay. I told him that if he wanted he could. "God is still working on my pride". Because I don't like to show too much enthusiasm for fear of rejection later.
Tell us HOW it happened, Eliana? Did Liam just walk in the front door? Eliana, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I don't know whether to say that he entered through the front door, but I can say that I know that my Heavenly Husband is working for me and my marriage. After that night that he slept with me at home, he sent me a message telling me that he liked being with me. I replied that I did too but that I was surprised that he had wanted to stay. And he replied that he didn't want me to feel bad because we had been together and then he had left and then he asked me if he could stay at my house for a few days until he found a place to go. I told him that there was no problem but that we had to set guidelines so as not to hurt each other anymore since he had made it clear to me that it was not that he wanted to come back with me. I just told him that we didn't have to fight over anything that we just had to try to help each other.
Sometimes I did feel that my restoration was close because there were other days when my faith was at zero because the whole picture looked very negative. It has not been easy but God has manifested himself in my life in a very surprising way. On Friday I felt sad for not seeing interest in Liam towards me and on Saturday he had an evangelistic activity in his church. I asked my Heavenly Husband if he was listening to me to have Liam invite me to his activity.
I felt so happy, because God had heard and answered my prayer. Before we left, we went to see his grandmother. and grandma asked where are you going? and he replied to the evangelistic activity and also asked him if I was going with him? Which he replied: Of course she is my wife and has to go where I take her. My heart was filled with joy because I hadn't heard him talk about me like that in a long time and I could only thank God. I know that there is very little left for my total restoration and I also know that God is going to give us our children everything that the enemy stole from me, the Lord is going to give it to me multiplied just like he did with his servant Job.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Eliana?
I highly recommend How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. It helped me to see my mistakes and how God can make something out of nothing. It also encouraged me a lot. The testimonies of restored marriages showed me that all was not lost.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Eliana?
Yes,
Either way, Eliana, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
I would like to tell women not to be discouraged when they see that things are not going as expected, or when they see that the answer does not come the way they imagined. God works in mysterious ways and you have to have the eyes and the spiritual ears wide open to know how to discern. Do not receive instructions from anyone except our heavenly husband. An example of this was that when my husband asked me to stay in my house for a few days, I consulted with my pastor. He replied that if he did not come with the intention of restoring the marriage, then I should not accept that he stay in my house. Which I do not judge because he is thinking about my well-being. But the word says that God does not give us a greater burden than we cannot bear. And as we have learned here, our first ministry is the family and if we do not have the capacity to carry the load of our family, we will not be able to do it with people from outside.
