RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “His Eyes Wide with Both Fear and Wonder”

♕ Today's Promise: “And your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it,' whenever you turn to the right or to the left." Isaiah 30:21

 

 

Bianca, how did your restoration actually begin?

Well, my husband and I married and have been together since we were in our teens. We were both believers and got together often with both our families. But due to our work schedules, focusing on our son (and me looking at men), we drifted apart, and my husband stopped going to church, but I continued going. There was no respect on my part, and we fought a lot, and I was not quiet whatsoever. I answered back with curt comments, when my husband said anything, and I humiliated him because I felt humiliated.

We worked together (we own our own company), and shouted at each other, and used horrible words in front of our son, so he suffered a lot. I seemed to feel nothing for my husband anymore, and I rejected him whenever he wanted to get close. 

I was so tired and sad that I let my son sleep in our bed with me and rejected my husband even more by making him sleep elsewhere. One Sunday, I went to church with my son, and a Pastor said my words and actions were hurting my husband and marriage, warning me that I was headed for disaster. I didn’t heed the warning that I know now was from God. Finally, my husband couldn’t take the rejection anymore, and he was unfaithful. Of course, I was very, very devastated, and I was desperate to stop the horrible pain inside my chest that would not go away.

I cried so much that I sought help in the church—help that (at first) helped me a bit. They prayed for me, but my pain would not go away, and I lost a lot of weight and was getting horribly sick. The Pastor didn't even know how to help me anymore, and he told me to no longer fast because I was so weak. I have never suffered so much as I suffered from the pain of this crisis.

Everyone suggested I get help elsewhere (even my Pastor), so I went to a psychiatrist to see if he could help me. He had me talk about everything, which only made me feel worse. I left after he prescribed an antidepressant. I took the prescription and became dangerously ill. The Pastor of our church came to pray for me, but I ended up in the hospital, alone and devastated. Then the pastor scheduled me to see their church psychologist, and I went, and I got better temporarily, but then, again, got dangerously worse and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

Locked up, I cried all day, and as part of the therapy, we were required to talk to each other. I heard nothing but nonsense or often terrifying accounts of other people’s lives, which only intensified my fear and my pain.

I could sense this wasn't what God wanted for me, but I couldn't get out of this pit, this valley of despair. Then one day after I was released, I was on the Internet and began looking for testimonials of restored marriages, because I was desperate to know how other women could overcome this immense pain.

I found the standers sites, but I didn't understand how I could possibly have the energy or desire to “stand” for my marriage or pursue my husband, so I gave up. Then one day, I saw the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage on the Internet, and after I purchased it, I was automatically sent to the RMI website. When the book arrived, I read it in two days, and while I was reading, I recognized my mistakes. My husband did not just leave me; it was my contempt for him as a wife that hurt and drove him away.  

How did God change your situation, Bianca, as you sought Him wholeheartedly? 

I threw myself at His feet and poured out my heart in each course’s journal, submitting many reports of praise and jotting down every word that I was being touched by. I marked my Bible and wept and cried, day after day, fasting and praying and pleading, and all of a sudden my pain turned into joy. 

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Bianca, did the Lord teach you during this trial? 

Every day, as I read a new lesson, I recognized my mistakes and asked for forgiveness from my HH and also my EH, if the Lord prompted me to do so. Soon, my EH said I was very different, and he even said that to his mother. Thankfully, my heart and anxiousness were quiet, and I did my best not to know about his life away from me anymore, and I stopped listening to others sharing what my EH was doing.

Once I started the courses, I let go of all the counselors. I had already stopped going to the church’s psychologist, but I was still asking for prayer because of my despair. But when I learned (after submitting a prayer request) that the Lord wanted me to come to Him, that I didn’t need others to pray for me, it was that very day I saw God miraculously act on behalf of me and my family.

I no longer begged my husband to come home, nor asked where he was. I simply asked God to do His best for me, by entrusting everything to Him. I knew I didn’t need to beg or plead for His help, but I simply gave Him every concern to work out for my good.

The hardest part was letting go of attending church. After I reached this chapter in my journey, my husband had been a few times, but I wanted more. I wanted a spiritual leader for my son and me. So, by faith, I even let go, and God radically began to transform my EH.

After restoration, it is difficult, and an even deeper relationship is needed. As restored women, we have to be vigilant not to go back to who we were before.

It will be the truth, not what someone else says or feels, that will save you from your pain. It’s not even what you believe that you see! Fear not, the Good News is that your heart is safe with Him.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Bianca?

It was very difficult each time I saw that my EH was with the OW. The feeling of injustice, rejection, and contempt wanted to possess me. I would still have felt that way, had I not discovered my own Lover—my Redeemer and my Husband, whom I could never take my eyes off of, once I understood and experienced His love for me.

When they came over as a couple, which began to happen more and more often, I would go into my prayer closet to be alone with my HH, to feel His love and hear His loving tender words to me. I would soon feel refreshed and able to entertain my guests with a Gentle and Quiet Spirit.

Bianca, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

It’s when I stopped caring about my own feelings and gave myself into the arms of my HH and began learning, day by day, to fall in love with Him. Once I felt that love, I was able to let go and win my husband without a word using the gentle and quiet spirit that was so wonderful to have and display.

Tell us HOW it happened, Bianca. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Bianca, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored? 

It was the Sunday after I got a visit from my former Pastor. He came over because I’d let go of my church. My Pastor said it was a mistake, and he told me he didn’t believe the husband should be the spiritual leader. The next Sunday, I was at home, having a special Sunday with my HH, and my husband knocked on the door. Each time he’d come by, he would always have the OW, but this time he was alone, and as I let him in, he turned to me and hugged me. I hugged him back after the shock had quieted in my spirit.

When we sat down, he explained how much he’d tried to come back, but the OW had blackmailed him and stopped him from returning. He told me that when he woke up that morning, he felt free, like the chains or “cords” that were stopping him were gone. I sat there with my mouth wide open, unable to say anything. Then after asking my HH whether I should say something or remain quiet, I said, “Today is the final day of a seven-day fast that I felt led to do. All week there had been two Bible verses that kept coming to mind,” and I quoted these two verses to him:

“Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke?” (Isaiah 58:6).  

“His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin” (Proverbs 5:22).

When I’d finished, his mouth was wide open, his eyes wide with both fear and wonder, then tears began filling his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Bianca?

I would recommend every one of your resources to women in this situation or maybe to every woman, so they each could learn these principles and promises. I want to multiply this incredible love I’ve found, by telling everyone to read through all the Testimonies and books and to embrace the teaching in loving the Word of God and having a HH.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Bianca? 

Yes, I aim to help and show every woman I meet the true and only Husband we need is Him.

Either way, Bianca, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Do not give up on the Lord's promises and truths. Declare and live the Word in your life.