RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “I Won Him Without Saying a Word and My Behavior Drew Him”

♕Today's Promise: “His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.”Proverbs 5:22

☊ RMT Audio

Elizabeth, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?

My husband and I got married when we were very young, I was 18 and he was 20. For both of us, we were each of our first boyfriend/girlfriend and we didn't know anything about a healthy marriage. I couldn't give myself to my husband, only after 1 month of marriage was there any intimacy between us. It was also something we did rarely, we were always very close friends, but mostly just friends, we didn't have an intimate relationship that is between husband and wife. I was in a lot of pain when we were intimate and that went on for almost 5 years until the fights over it became constant.

My husband was a pastor and our marriage looked to be perfect, but we both knew it wasn't. As a result of our infrequent intimacy, I struggled to get pregnant. When we were intimate, I cried because it felt like I was being raped, After a long time of trying, I got pregnant and everything was normal during pregnancy. For some reason our intimacy was no longer painful, it was, for awhile wonderful. We were very close and in love, but when I had our son, I went back to hurting like before.

The enemy took advantage of this and started putting OWs in my husband's life. Thankfully he resisted them all. A short time later, my father passed away, and because he was lead pastor of our church, with his death, things got worse for us financially, because he always helped us when we needed it and my EH was like his right-hand man. They confided in one another and with my father’s passing, my EH became more and more distant from God because my father was an example, much used by God in healing, deliverance, and my EH mirrored him.

With his death, a lot changed, the church ministry decided to cut some expenses, and my EH became discouraged with the church, which led to him returning to college because the income of the church was not supporting us. He said he needed a profession and it was confirmed when his father (who was always distant and did not support him much about his life as a Christian) started to pay for college and became his best friend. The friendship grew the more he heard about his distancing himself from the church, and months later, my EH started to get involved with a "friend" in one of his classes.

When I found out, I sent a message to the OW, and she told me to work it out with my husband because he was on her side, she said. In my head, I needed to show her who his wife was and do the same with my EH. I fought, screamed, and that’s when he said he was going to disappear because he didn't think there was much worth saving with us. That’s when I got nervous and I changed my tactics, instead I apologized but instead of helping, he became more distant. I found out months later that he was having a relationship with the OW, and again, I did everything wrong. I threw his clothes on the floor, I kicked him out of our home, and I ran to tell my 3 sisters.

Not only did that silly stunt of mine cause my EH to move away from my family for good, but it brought him closer to the OW and solidified their relationship! My sisters bought a tracker and we put it on his car, we were sure they were together, and then proved it. After being confronted, he moved in with my mother-in-law, his mom, and after a month, I begged him to come back home. At first, I invented things to fill him with fear, but the Lord changed me and I stopped.

He did return home, but by that time the OW was already "the girlfriend" who I confronted regularly. I confronted him, said that I would tell her father that he was married and lived with me and that was it! For the first time, he came at me, he didn't hit me, but what I saw was not my husband. The hate wall was solidly built, we spoke only when necessary. He wanted a divorce,

Due to this I got horribly thin. I am tall and was already thin (120 lbs), but I lost another 30 lbs in about 2 or 3 months. I was nothing but skin and bones, and my face was downcast. Everyone who looked at me, I could see people's pity, I was a horrible mess.

We didn't sleep together anymore and we didn't have any intimacy. Now I was the one who wanted it and he wasn't interested in me. He left and came back when he wanted to, and when he was there, we fought, argued, I questioned him, each caused even more distance than before.

As if it wasn’t already horrible, he started to go to a new church and he’d take the OW, and I heard she even "converted" and again I confronted him!

After a year of doing everything wrong and having nightmares almost every night, I said a sincere prayer to the Lord, I asked Him to tell me what His will was for me, if it was the restoration for my marriage, then I would have a happy dream and if not, I knew He was saying it was over.

That night, when I slept, I dreamed of my late father. Our family was all together and God had allowed him to visit us, my EH, my brothers-in-law, my mother, sisters and nephews—we were all together, smiling happily for my father's visit. I woke up smiling and the Lord reminded me of my prayer. After being able to eat breakfast for the first time in a long time, I went on the internet and started researching restored marriages, when I found on a blog the link to download the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I downloaded it to my cell phone, and started reading, and realized how much I was doing wrong. Through the book, I got to know the website HopeAtLast.com and read with tears streaming down my face that it was my “Divine Appointment.” I filled out the questionnaire and started the courses that morning.

During these last few months, I always asked the Lord for confirmation of His will for our family, and He speaks to me in verses and once more gave me dreams about EH. In one of the dreams we were in another state and I was the women’s minister in that church, we were there for me to share our testimony.

I started to apply the principles of the book, some were easy, others felt like they were too difficult for me to achieve but I just kept trusting Him.

How did God change your situation, Elizabeth, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

As soon as I started to surrender to the Lord, He began to transform me! I asked my EH for forgiveness for everything I did, I organized a little room (that used to be a mess) to be my spiritual war room. The Lord helped me to let go of my EH and let go of the church. I put a lock on my mouth, and each time I felt like asking or talking I spoke to Him instead. If my EH went out somewhere, I ran into my little room, told everything to Him. Then I searched, searched, searched, and asked Him for promises. I begged my Lord to be my Husband, to be my Love, my Everything, to be the First, and He did! Sometimes I fell and missed the mark but He lifted me up and comforted me. It was not easy, I believe that if I had not been so foolish, my marriage would have been restored more than a year ago, that first year that I went wrong and got every bit of worldly advice running rampant in the church!

But I didn't get tired of my journey, I loved to seek God, and what a relief to let the church go and begin to develop a true relationship with the Lord that I never had! I stopped snooping because I no longer cared what His plan was and instead I just trusted Him. I asked my sisters for forgiveness for having talked about my situation with them, I cried just for my Lord when I remembered how I’d been. I made Him my Everything, my Friend, Companion, Confidant, Counselor, and when I had no strength, I just cried in the lap of my Heavenly Father.

He came, always came, and was with me during “our” journey. He did so many small and big miracles in my life, there were so many that made me fall in love more and more with who He is. My son also started to fall in love with the Lord, he missed his father, and the Lord was making up for it when I shared how He was my HH and so that meant He was his Heavenly Father. This changed my son so much and I no longer worried about him.

Things began to change in the middle of last year when my husband started coming to me for intimacy. At first, I thought it was a bit strange since it was almost two years since we’d been intimate, but I saw that it was the hand of the Lord. He said he loved me again, and he wanted to fix his life. The hate wall fell brick by brick and I watched the Lord’s heart for our family change everything!

Then, in January, I went on vacation, and he didn't go, because I went with my family. When I left, he told me to have some fun, and every day he called me. My mother-in-law later told me that he was impatient, counting the days until I was coming home because missing us so much. The Lord was working on every detail.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Elizabeth, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

Winning without words was paramount, not snooping too as it hurts us more than anything. Do not fall into the temptation of trying to tweak things about your EH, the enemy always prepares something bad for us to see and then takes us down! Instead, relish in your new relationship with your HH— take everything to the Lord, talk only with Him. Just let it go, how difficult it was to live with my EH, and many times I couldn't, but when I did give up trying and instead trusted, I would fall in love with Him.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Elizabeth?

Wow, God knows how many hard hours we had together! All in all, it was two and a half years of journey and from the beginning until we were restored. The hardest had to be seeing the EH in photos with OW, seeing on social networks him showing society his relationship with her even while living with me, (until I came here, I had Facebook, Instagram, but just as soon as I read the course to delete social networks, I didn’t think twice!) to know about their different trips and seeing their vacations together! To see my 6-year-old son say that he missed his father because even living together sometimes my son did not see him (because he left early and when he returned we were already asleep).

Knowing that my name was not in his cell phone contacts so that his picture with OW on Whatsapp would not appear to me (later understanding that this was His way of protecting me), the various bad news he told me, having seen in a college document that he was “going through a divorce” that thankfully never was true. When my father-in-law and mother-in-law went to meet the OW and his family welcomed her, even though they knew he was living with me. All of this hurt a lot, when I discovered it and lived through these things back when I didn't have an intimate relationship with the Lord yet. Finally, my father-in-law rented and furnished an apartment for the EH to meet with OW and she believed he was living there alone when he was living with me and our son.

Hearing from EH that he couldn't be my husband again because he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't see us married anymore. That he would give a settlement to me and our son if I’d just go away.

Elizabeth, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

It was certainly when my focus became my Lord, I no longer prayed for the restoration of my marriage, but I focused on my restoration with the Lord. I wanted to be His bride and He made me want Him more and more. I cried out to Him for my husband's deliverance, but I didn't pray like a wife crying out for a husband, but I prayed for his life, that he might be restored to the Lord.

I turned my focus away from my problems and started looking on the internet for people who needed help with their marriages. I started writing down names and praying for them, and for those who posted an email, I sent an email with the link to the HopeAtLast.com website and chapter 1 of the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.

More and more He began to turn the heart of EH for our family. Then he asked for prayer because he wanted to get out of the life he was living, he recognized the enemy’s stronghold on him. “His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.” Proverbs 5:22. Then he told me that I was his best friend and he only trusted me! I prayed to God for the Lord's love shining through me, drawing my EH to Him. Whenever my EH’s family or friends saw me somewhere, they told my EH how beautiful I was. It had been months since I had let go of going to church and he started asking me to go and take our son. I cried to the Lord saying I didn't want this, I wanted him to take us, as a family, but I submitted to EH. I read the children's Bible to my son every day. My son told his father and his father was excited and remembered when he used to say that by the age of 5 our son would already be preaching in the church.

In the end, my EH started to go to church and take us about 3 or 4 months after our restoration.

Tell us HOW it happened, Elizabeth? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Elizabeth, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

After about 10 months of finding RMI and the Lord helping me to improve to the point that my EH started saying that he wanted his family back. All in all, he broke up with OW but always went back, more than 10 times he told me they were no more, but everything was still the same. I started to pray the prayers in the RYM book and fasted that he would be freed from the cords of sin, “His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.” Proverbs 5:22 but when I realized that he was with her, it hurt me so much, that I gave up and told the Lord only HE could do it. THAT’S when it happened. When the battle is the Lord’s, the victory is ours! "The LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give you victory into your hand.” 1 Samuel 17:47

He prayed that the prison would be opened and he would be free (Isaiah 58: 6) that his legs, arms and eyes would be untied (Acts 12: 7) and he could be resurrected for the Lord. (John 11:43)

I found out it finally happened when I was at my mother’s, and he called me and said he was at church and was going to talk to the pastor because he wanted to come back. He wanted our family, he wanted me as his wife. He wanted to be free from the sinful life he was caught in. I almost didn't even believe it— I was so stunned.

After the service, we went to the pastor's house and he asked me for forgiveness, we talked and the pastor prayed for us.

After 2 weeks, at the supper service, the pastor called him forward, and he asked the church for forgiveness and said that "I won him without saying a word" and that my behavior drew him and he realized he wanted his life back! He also said that seeing our boy so thirsty and interested in the Lord made him see that he had already wasted too much time, that he wanted our family to be used by God.

After a few days, he took us to the movies (which we hadn't done in two and a half years) and booked a trip for 2 weeks for our family honeymoon. There will be four of Us: the Lord, EH, me, and our son!

My Lord, You are perfect. It was GOD who did it, it was You, Lord, who changed me. All honor and glory go to You.

Everything is not yet the way I imagined, but that’s good news, isn’t it? It keeps me focusing on being HIS bride rather than my EH’s wife. My Lord remains in control, and I believe that our ministry will be resurrected to the glory of the Lord. My EH will become the spiritual leader of our home again and long to devote his life to ministry.

I pray that He will do what He’s done for me to more and more of you, so that the Lord may be the first in your life and that you will feel that your HH loves you more than you could imagine and that God will restore you to Him. I pray that the Lord, my Beautiful and beloved Heavenly Husband, will make your EH the husband and father that God created him to be.

I praise You, Lord, for You are faithful and do not fail. I love You for who You are.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Elizabeth?

Of course, starting with the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage which was the first I found that gave me hope. Even to this day I read and reread portions of it with my HH in mind. Also the Wise Woman, both your devotionals, reading the praise reports, and without a doubt, your courses. Reading the lessons and the book brings comfort but journaling is what changes you. Everything you have is inspired by our Beloved, the way He wants it to be, glory to God for the life of Erin, and for RMI! Where would we be if He hadn’t used you?

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Elizabeth?

Certainly, since before the journey, a phrase called my attention, it was like "the place where you were hurt, will be the place that God will use you most to help heal others"... today I understand where He wants to use me.

Either way, Elizabeth, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

My sister, sometimes looked for testimonies, someone who had a journey like mine, with EH living at home, because it seemed impossible to be able to let go. But the Lord showed me that He was with me, and all things He set up for our GOOD, (Romans 8.28). He assured me that because my journey was different, He was writing a testimony so my restoration was even more assured because it wasn’t like anyone else’s! This helped me at times when I doubted. I hope it will help you too.

We need to accept His will and know that what He promised, it will be fulfilled by Him. He cannot lie, (Hebrew 6:18) He does not fail or abandon us (Hebrews 13.5), His eyes are on us all the time. He always has the best for us! I praise him because it was necessary for me to go through all this, I thank Him for using this desert for my growth. Today I know Him and I walk with HIM, He is Everything I want and need.

Give your life and family to Him, you will not regret it. He will honor you, seek answers to your questions in His Word, He answers, He never lets us down. Fall in love with Him, travel this journey pain-free, and believe that You and your house will serve the Lord. He's everything we need.

Find more encouragement and overcome the hurdle of #Letting Go by clicking on the #TAG linked to Restored Marriage Testimonies.

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