♕Today's Promise: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
Anissa, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
I must first apologize to my Beloved for writing my testimony to late, almost three and a half years later. I believe that I will give Him double praise, because for that time I must divide my testimony in two parts. I didn't think my marriage was restored and I was still waiting for it. However, one of my friends recently asked, if I have submitted a Restored Marriage Testimony as my situation looks like that. A divorce did not take place, nor did we prepare for it, and instead we were blessed with two daughters. Our journey began when we met on Christian dating. I was a Christian, for many a fanatic with strict rules and he was not. We loved each other from the beginning, but I wanted to convince him to have my faith, accept the rules of my church with words and quotations from the Bible and some other opinions I wanted him to change his mind according to mine.
So, difficult quarrels and discussions have accompanied us from the very beginning. He wanted to leave me several times during our dating, but at that time I still had a great obsession with having a man, not being alone, so I fought a lot for him during these separations. My best friend said she did not know a couple who had such difficult discussions and quarrels during almost every date and remained together nonetheless. Well, it must have been God's plan, or everyone would probably give it up with me. I believed that if we were intimate after the wedding, it would bring us a happy marriage and my husband, Zayn, thought that intimacy would be a tool for quick reconciliation and many problems would be gone. And so we got married.
But nothing was further from the truth. Yes, God wants us to be intimate after marriage, but it is not the key for a happy marriage, neither has it helped to appeasement and problem solving when we ignore any marital principles.
About seven months after the wedding, I was on my way to annul our marriage because I could not ask for a divorce because of the oath I gave to God. But we did not meet the conditions. I was desperate, the pain of those quarrels and the stony heart of Zayn, I couldn't understand how someone who swore to love and honor me could hurt me so much. I didn't understand that he didn't understand when I explained to him how he was hurting me; I was always good at arguing and convincing others. The idea of living this way further destroyed me. I was crying for help on the internet and there I found RMI. The very first pages gave me so much hope. This was the answer to my prayer.
How did God change your situation, Anissa, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I read all the sources nonstop and started to apply what I was able to do. It worked immediately. I remember Zayn asking me what I was still reading and what the courses were, because they changed me so much. We even bought him a version for men. But in the tenth chapter, I dropped the book and said this was too fanatical, even though I saw how those principles worked and changed me. My husband also put his book away over time.
Soon I was a quarrelsome woman again. I even provided us with a Christian marriage counselor. Oh, so many extra injuries, loss of money and time!!! The quarrels continued and so did the settlements. About the next year, I began to feel that I needed to know more of God; it was not enough for me how I knew Him now and asked Him for it. It was interesting that we didn't even have a big crisis then, but after this request of mine, it happened within a few days. As usual I didn't listen to my husband, he wanted to go for a walk and I didn't, I wanted to go dancing somewhere and there it was. A wall of hatred built perfectly and my husband separated our bedrooms with a stone heart. It was terribly painful for me.
Nothing worked like before, no appeasing and begging. At that time, I threw myself into RMI materials again in great pain and tithing was no longer a problem. I tried to be completely silent and agree with everything. When I felt that I had changed a lot and it had to work, I received a draft divorce application by e-mail. It broke me even more. The crisis corner saved me. I had to read more and more and spend time with the Lord. I was alone, away from my family.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Anissa?
When I found RMI, I found out that I was a symbol of anti-Christian wife. So many mistakes I made, not knowing that I was violating some principles, because of my pride and lack of knowledge. I had to learn the principle of tithing and the power of fasting. I learned to confess and repent the sins before Zayn, not to tell others about my situation, or about his sins. The principle of a common account. I designed separate accounts after the wedding because I was financially pretty good and I wanted to protect my property.
The principle is not to be superior to my husband at work. I was a choreographer on our work team and taught him to dance our dance shows. The principle of a spiritual leader and not to make yourself the Holy Spirit of your husband. I made the conditions before marriage that I would be the spiritual leader of our family, because he was Orthodox and I was a Roman Catholic. I learned the importance of the principles of subordination and obedience, to be quiet before Zayn and to run to Heavenly Husband, which I am still learning until today.
My next precondition was that we would live in my home village. That we wouldn't have children for at least two years after the wedding, even though he wanted them right away. I pushed for an agreement that the one who earns less will go on maternity leave. Not to mention that I wasn't respectful at all, I didn't listen to him in almost anything and everything needed to be according to my opinion, I explained my reasons to him until it was according to me and when he was defending with words attacks, I whimpered like he could hurt me so much and doesn't understand me, so I was used to moaning in front of him. Many times I gave him my brother-in-law and father as an example of how he should behave (which led to my next test and hardening of his heart to my father later). Only by words, but I told him to pack his stuff and get out. I praise the Lord wholeheartedly for opening the eyes of a great sinner and a Pharisee by grace, ME.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Anissa?
When I learned to be quiet and agree. It was very difficult, humiliating and went to various absurdities. I remember that my husband came up with the idea that he wanted me to ask my God to physically change one immutable part of my body. I didn't really know what to do then, and even though I knew we shouldn't quote my Bible, I asked Him for a word I could use. And the Lord was wonderful, He gave it to me and it helped: Matthew 16:4 "A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it..." After that, he stopped pushing me with this request.
This second phase was the most difficult time when my second daughter was born. I slept with both of my newborn baby and a year and a half-year-old daughter, who often woke up. I also got up 20-30 times a night. I was completely tired and didn't have much time for the Lord, reading the Psalms, the Scriptures, just recovering in times of attack and gaining strength. In the morning I woke up totally tired and broken and I quickly ran to wash and prepare for the day. I have not been so busy and exhausted in my whole life. The attacks from Zayn were still coming, so I felt many times. I felt so much that even though I had two beautiful girls who gave me great joy that I prayed that Zayn find a girlfriend and leave or let me die. I have to make it clear that there was no other woman in our relationship or physical violence, but with this exhaustion and fatigue of mine, that incredibly grumpy behavior, was killing me.
Anissa, what was the "turning point” of your restoration?
I would call the turning point when my husband moved out of the bedroom because it forced me to return to RMI material, to seek more of God, and only during this break my various prejudices were broken also.
Tell us HOW it happened, Anissa? Did Zayn just walk in the front door? Anissa, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
After two and a half months, my husband returned my bed to his. If we technically say that restoration is also this return of common bedrooms, yes. At this stage of my restoration journey, I felt it was coming because after really hard tests, Zayn started to be nice to me and I saw that it was on good track.
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Anissa?
How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage is definitely the basis for opening your eyes. Thanks to the book My Beloved, I felt loved despite everything. Read the daily encouragement and when you find that some encouraging bride has a similar problem, I recommend clicking on her tag and read more of her testimonies. If someone is going through a divorce you definitely need to read Facing Divorce and Facing Divorce Again. It is definitely necessary to continue with Abundant Life and Workers and Home, because maybe like me, many of you have a prejudice that a cleaning book is boring and irrelevant. But it was through that one that I experienced the Lord's incredible love, really like never before, not to mention that it changed my life a lot and taught me to rest in the Lord.
It is really important to have the Lord as your Husband even after the restoration. All these courses are great for that and you definitely need to pour your heart out in your journals. I encouraged myself a lot as I read what I had written down before. It is a beautiful remedy for our pain from our Beloved. And, of course, the Bible and spending time with the Lord - talking, crying to Him, singing praises to Him, listening to Him and perceiving His love, every day and whenever there are any attacks and negative emotions, pain and fear.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Anissa?
Yes, when I see my two beautiful daughters, I feel very grateful and I am also very grateful for all the healing and learning to love the Lord, I really want to give this to as much women as possible. To recover from all the injuries and live an abundant life.
Either way, Anissa, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Dear brides, no matter how bad your situation is, do not give up and seek the Lord. Seek Him and ask Him 100 times a day, for wisdom, for the right words, for stopping the pain, for His guidance, for strength and perseverance to live all the principles you have learned. Talk to Him as if He were standing beside you. He always listens to us and He waits to pour out His blessings on us, but we must ask, to seek Him longingly. Then your life will start to change. He wants you to be happy, cheerful, live your dreams and have an abundant life. And then don't forget to praise Him with songs and testimonies of what He did in your lives!
Our whole renewal is a lifelong journey on which we will constantly learn, fall and rise. But with our Beloved, it's about something completely different. Let me end with a few sentences from this book, Workers@Home, because I will not tell you that message better then Erin alone. “You don’t need to do ONE thing today to gain His love—the Lord and His love are there for you unconditionally! Find the peace in KNOWING that the Lord is happy, pleased, and in love with you, no matter what you do or don’t do today. Find that peace, and rest in His love for you. Once you feel His love and His peace, then everything will begin to fall into place. Your joy will overflow to your family. Your contentment will strengthen every area of your life and each of your relationships.”
Be Encouraged!!
