RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Our Main Weapon of War”

 

Olivia, how did your restoration actually begin?

I have been evangelical since I was born. I have always been active in the church and have always loved God, but after I married 13 years ago, over the years I had been pushing my beloved Lord aside and replacing Him in my heart with my earthly husband. Even having a good life, a beautiful house near the beach and a blessed family, I was not happy. There was an immense emptiness in me that my husband could not fill, so I tried to do it with possessions (decorating the house and other earthly things), all to no avail. I became bitter, impatient, murmuring, and ungrateful. I screamed at my son and filled my husband's head with complaints and telling him he needed to change.

My journey all started when I was at home listening to a video about being born again in Christ, and I felt an urgent need to pray. I knelt in the living room and cried in the presence of the Father. I remember praying a prayer as I had never done in my life, asking for a new heart, and I asked Him to change me because I wanted to know Him more intimately.

Since the birth of our son, my husband and I have not understood each other. We were far from our Savior, and He was no longer at the center of our marriage, so, the week after that prayer, the inevitable happened. My husband came to me, while I was doing the dishes, and said our marriage was over and there was an OW! I felt as if the floor had opened under my feet, and I almost fainted. I cried uncontrollably for a long time, and it felt like my chest would explode. So when I was able to speak, I acted like a true Pharisee—I used the Bible to confront and condemn him. I said I would forgive him, but there was hypocrisy and false holiness in me.

These early days were like a nightmare. I cried all the time, I spent the nights wide awake in pain; I could not eat anything and felt unimaginable physical pain. My earthly husband was entirely cold, distant and indifferent to my suffering. We continued to have intimate relationships, because I seduced him, thinking this would change his mind. During that time, I did everything wrong, gossiping about him to everyone, asking him endless questions, until I brought it to a climax. I found and unlocked the code to my EH's phone and saw the OW's number. I exchanged messages with her, discovered that she was a friend of his from work. I looked at his boss's Facebook page, found her profile, and was going to tell them what was going on. I had the most horrible attitude, and my husband said that I was only pushing him farther away and that he was even more certain that we would never be together, not ever.

How did God change your situation, Olivia, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

I was literally taken through the desert. My family lives in another city, and I do not have friends around with whom I could talk about something like this that was so private. So I had no choice but to run into the Father's arms of love. I prayed many times a day, and at dawn, I began by crying out to Him for help. It was then that I remembered a distant friend who, a year ago, had told me by a text message that she had been abandoned by her husband. At the time, I had done nothing to help her, not a word of advice, not even a prayer, and now God led me to seek her help, and she was the instrument that God used to help me. She gave me lots of advice, but the best thing she did was to show me the RMI website from her phone and how I could get the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, by Erin. I began to devour everything, and it was then that the scales fell from my eyes and I began to understand what God was doing to me. He not only wanted to restore my marriage, But He also wanted more for me—God wanted to restore my relationship with Him and then introduce me to an intimate relationship with His Son and my Bridegroom.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Olivia, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

As I went looking for Him in an intense and intimate way, the pain began diminishing. My Father was comforting me, giving me peace and opening my understanding to more than I had never known. I read the Bible constantly, devoured the Psalms, Proverbs, the book of Job, the epistles. I learned to use the right weapons in the right way, spiritually battling. "So shall My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void (empty), without accomplishing what I desire and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

Each day, I would do the housework with pleasure and whimsy. I thought first, before saying anything, and I said nothing when I had nothing to say or was confronted by anything I needed to give to God to help me with. I learned to "let go" when my EH asked me about divorce, and I did so enthusiastically, as it says in Facing Divorce Again. I would respond as Erin taught in the book and her many courses. It was not easy at first. Sometimes I would see and hear things that hurt me, such as the exchange of messages I saw my earthly husband making, when I knew it was her, or when he came home very late from work.

I confess that I failed a few times, but immediately I was led to go to my HH and ask Him for forgiveness, so He could instruct me further in His Word and even give me the opportunity to get it right later, when the issue would repeat again and again, until doing it right came naturally! I also was led to fast for long periods of time, in order to truly forgive and to "let go" of my marriage. I also read daily my 3x5 cards, where I had written all the Bible verses I copied from the book to the cards, to keep with me at all times.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Olivia?

I went through really difficult times and even thought about giving up, on more than one occasion. There were temptations that Erin also mentions to be wary of. A man much younger than I am kept pursuing me, determined to get me to date him. I remembered the lesson in which Erin says that when we are filled with His love, we shine and become more beautiful, and that attracts other men. Our enemy is very cunning; when he does not get us one way, he tries another.

Throughout my journey, my EH did not leave home, but he spent little time at home with me and our ten-year-old son. Our son missed his father very much, and he always asked if anything was going on, but I never let him know anything. Each time I missed my EH (I missed how he cared, missed having his attention), I discovered how much more my Heavenly Husband was filling all my needs, including my emotional needs. As I sought Him, He filled my heart until it was overflowing. Through His love, I was healed from my past, and at last, I fell in love with Him, as I'd long to do when I first read about Him becoming my true Husband.

At first, when I prayed, I would ask for the restoration of my marriage and for Him to turn my EH’s heart and love back to me. But as I spent more and more time with Him and felt all the love He gave me, I came to adore Him to the point that I wanted only Him, to live only with and for Him, even yearning that my EH would leave me for good. The only thing I wanted more was for my son to have his father, which kept me in a better balance.

The most trying time was probably when my EH said that he was going to visit his mother, when in fact, I knew he was going on vacation with the OW. While he was gone, I spent four days focusing on my son and my Beloved HH—solidifying that I would be ecstatic to live like this always. When my EH came home, he found everything was peaceful, good food was there waiting, and his favorite dessert was in the refrigerator. He looked confused and sad. He said that I had changed a lot and that he had never felt so much peace at home as he did now. I just smiled but said nothing.

Olivia, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

The turning point was when I stopped crying and praying for the return of my EH; I just said, "Your will be done, Lord!" I only adored Him, sang Him love songs, danced for Him, declared the Word and prophesied victory. I felt such a huge peace, and my joy was so extreme that I laughed. I laughed at the defeat of the enemy because I saw my victory coming, and I did not let any thought, emotion or circumstance take away my peace, joy, and trust in my Beloved. I knew He was doing it for my son, for the testimony and as a foundation to my ministry to hurting women.

Tell us HOW it happened, Olivia. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Olivia, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

My EH has been changing with each of the passing of the months. He started to come home earlier, talk to me more about his day at work, started kissing me when he left and when he got home, hugging me at night, trying to find me when I'd leave him alone in the house—rather than hovering and talking his ear off. He began to stay longer at home, rather than going out, and he even began to take us out to do things as a family.

So far, we have not talked about OW and how their relationship ended. He wasn't ready to talk, but neither was I. I just knew it was over, and I also knew that God was in control and that, at the right time, we both would be ready and I would have the opportunity to share my journey with him.

So, recently, we were in bed, when he told me that he was feeling so good about us, that he was happier than he'd ever been, even stronger spiritually, that he had not seen or spoken to the OW since the day they ended their vacation. He told me emphatically that he did not want to be with her anymore and that he was done with all of it. He said that on that day he felt very bad, uncomfortable, anxious to return home. He apologized for what he put me through. I told him I'd forgiven him and then shared about my journey. He was amazed and thankful.

It's been eight months since my journey ended, but it's never over—I'm still learning and traveling along life's road with my HH. Restoration is a process, an arduous walk, but I am no longer alone or scared about anything I face, now or in the future. I still hope my EH says that he loves me again, but I'm not in a hurry at all. I am sure of the love of my sweet and eternal Husband, and that is all that matters. My HH has given me many gifts and blessings, but HE is my greatest gift. Today I am much happier than I ever imagined any woman could be. I want to learn every day how to please my HH, more and more, and be His true loving bride.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Olivia?

I recommend to all women to read the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, even if they’re not in any marriage crisis, because everyone knows someone whose marriage is in crisis, and we need to help women in the right way.

I also recommended to all women to take each of the RMI courses, read one daily, and also to follow the Encourager, read His Word, read through the Bible, meditate on Him, keep your heart totally for your HH and practice Erin’s teachings. It is our best advice manual, and this is our main weapon of war against the destruction of our families.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Olivia?

Yes, I am very interested in helping other women. Already, the Lord has sent me many women who are each going through a similar situation. So, I begin by sending them to HopeAtLast.com, showing them on my phone. I try never to advise but only encourage them towards their HH and asking Him for answers. I also purchased a case of 25 How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage to give out.

Either way, Olivia, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

May you each, each of you brides, first of all, be sure to forgive your husband and all those involved. I know how hard it is, but do it, as Erin teaches. It's what strengthens us, and with it done, we can do all things. Then fight for your marriage, but fight in the right way, spiritually, with your mouth shut and by giving everything over to God to restore. Do not give up on your family. God has no interest in destroying it. He just wants to use this temporary situation to turn you toward finding your Heavenly Husband and giving you the Abundant Life that He died to give you (and so few Christians are living). He wants you to be totally His, so you will never, ever leave your First Love again. So seek Him alone, with all your heart, soul and mind, and soon the understanding will give you rest.

"I have, however, against you, that you have forsaken your first love" (Rev. 2: 4).

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in god, to the destruction of strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10: 4).

"Then you will invoke me and come to me to pray, and I will give you all your attention, you will seek me and you will find me, when you search for me with all your heart, I will let myself be found for you," (Jer 29:12-14).