RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Prove that You Believe”

Fiona, how did your restoration actually begin?

My journey started after I had been married for 18 years, and I was frustrated at all the problems in my marriage that had gone on for at least 8 of those 18 years. Things began creeping into our relationship, and, instead of turning to God and His word for guidance, I sought help by following "experts" and getting advice from people who didn't have a clue how to build a strong marriage.

When my husband started going out to the pubs alone, without me, with some new friends, I knew they were there to meet women. This went on for some time, and each time, I'd wait up, berating him for hours after he got back, making it clear how disgusted I was by his bad behavior. So instead of coming home, for a year, he just didn't come home. He started to arrive in the morning, with just enough time to shower and get to work. I already suspected something was seriously wrong. He was more than just a little distant and cold towards me. I could see he had begun to loathe me.

My world fell apart, and I was truly broken, when I discovered messages on his phone from a woman who frequented our home, someone who had become a friend to me. I'd even invited her over to my house for coffee. I never imagined that my husband had betrayed me, and it was even more hurtful because it was with this woman, who remained my "friend" all while she was involved with my husband. I was devastated, and my first reaction was to blame him and attack him for what he had done to me. I was so horribly hurt, and it hurt me, even more, when he came back with how much nicer and better this woman was.

Though I realized fighting did not help my situation at all, what else could I do? It was only after discovering the RMI website that I could see that I was who had destroyed and torn down my house, with my own hands, and I saw that everything that happened to me was the consequence of my bad behavior.

How did God change your situation, Fiona, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

Everything began to change instantly, as I began to seek God with all my heart. I confess that I stumbled a lot along the way. I often could not control my emotions, and I would talk too much, rather than speaking to my HH in my heart about how I felt. Yet, I knew I was wrong, and, gradually, He changed me. Today, I am controlled through the love of my HH, and I place all my confidence in the Lord. My Heavenly Husband has changed everything in my life. Then, surprisingly, my husband also started to change, slowly. Many times, especially when everything seemed lost or hopeless, I praised and adored Him even more. I refused to believe these setbacks as true, refused to allow them to bring me down or make me speak negatively, for I knew, just knew, that all these were lies of the enemy, to make me give up--this was the secret that changed my world.

The more I got to know and fall in love with my Husband, the more I kept on changing. Reading the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage was just the start. I took all your courses and began redoing them because I desired to make even more changes in my life and make sure I hadn't skipped over any principle that I may have had trouble grasping the first time through. I began training to minister to other women and formed a group of women, so we could read the book Finding the Abundant Life to strengthen us and help all of us in marriage difficulties--and even help the two of our ladies who have not yet married. Soon, I was able to fully release my marriage to God to restore, so I could focus all my attention on my Husband, putting Him first in my life. Nothing can separate me from Him and His love, no matter the circumstances. I am able to remain in perfect peace!

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Fiona, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

The Lord taught me to seek Him first, to be meek and submissive to my husband. As a wife (who I really was not and had never desired to be), I was a rebel through and through, who thought it was weak if I ever lost an argument. I could never be contradicted, and I wanted to do everything contrary to what my husband wanted. I often ignored him, and I walked away from him when he spoke to me, and, because I was angry when he left, I did not realize that I was pushing him into the arms and bed of the OW. He would go to her because she always cared for him and spoke soft words of flattery to him, which was what he wanted and craved. Today, I can see everything that went wrong and what it would take to rebuild my life—but this time, I built it on the Rock, on His Word, with the Lord, my Beloved in the center.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Fiona?

The hardest time for me was when I called my husband in the middle of the night to tell him to come home now, and the OW answered his phone. I was shocked because he said he was not with her anymore. Then he called me back and berated me. He told me that this is what happens when I pushed like I'd been pushing him for years and that I needed to move on and get a life. He said I knew his relationship with her was serious; it was the real thing, not like our fake relationship. I was devastated, and I even tried to commit suicide with pills and alcohol, twice. What stopped me from trying a third time was what it was doing to my children.

The other difficult time happened the day I got home early from work, and I found a note that my husband had taken my son out. It was such a beautiful spring night, so I decided to go for a walk and have a coffee. As I sat there, I looked up to see our car drive by. My husband was driving, my son was in the backseat, and in the front seat was the other woman laughing, turning back to look at my son, who was also laughing! I went crazy, and I started screaming for him to stop, and I actually ran after the car. When my husband turned and saw me, he sped off, taking the next corner quickly. The last thing I saw was the face of my son looking at me, running and waving my hands like a mad woman.

When I got home, looking disheveled, my daughter helped me into a shower and stayed with me there on my bed. I lay there crying, not able to speak, so she began to pray for me. I listened, but I felt it was hopeless because I could not see any solution to my problem.

That night, I felt the presence of God calming me, telling me to be patient, that all this would change in an instant. My God has supported me, all the times I went through these situations of suffering and pain, which all happened before I'd met and fallen in love with my HH.

Fiona, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point happened a few weeks after my husband began to go through serious troubles. First, he had some fines and lost his driving license for drunk driving (Every time he was with her when he'd been pulled over.) The last time, they both spent a night in jail. Then, he had a virus that the doctors were concerned had the potential to kill him. While in the hospital, he stopped drinking, and, though he tried to get the OW to come to visit him, she refused, after going to jail with him. So he called me, and I came each day, just to sit, but I said very little, which was a shock to him.

Tell us HOW it happened, Fiona. Did your husband just walk in the front door? Fiona, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

Two days after my husband was released from the hospital, he went out to the bar with his friends and came back at around 3 or 4 in the morning. I'd gotten up for some water, said good morning, and then he hugged me. He asked to be intimate, and I didn't refuse. (I'd read that lesson several times, so I was ready.) After it was over, I heard him crying, and that's when he told me that he wanted us to be a couple. He said he'd treated me very badly and that he was finished with her, the OW, and then he said that she was out to get him. He said when he told her it was over, she threatened to go to his boss to tell him about his arrest and suspended license. He said he was very scared that he could not get away from her, but that he had already put an end to it and he was only afraid of what she might do next. He told me that she had threatened to hurt me and our children and to even vandalize our property. He continued crying, telling me how sorry he was that he'd put us all in this dangerous mess.

Rather than the old me (the foolish woman who would have taken advantage of this to berate and belittle my husband), instead I simply comforted him, and I listened to the still, small voice of my HH to know what to say or to remain silent. After a time, he asked me to pray for him, for us, and to ask God what to do. I did, and then he began to pray; with a broken heart, he repented for all he'd done. He asked God to forgive him and to help him stop doing what was wrong. He prayed for protection from the OW. When he was done, he turned to me to say how very sorry and embarrassed he was, and he asked me to forgive him, to stay by his side, and he asked for my help to get over it all. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled and said, "I forgave you long ago."

For the first time in our entire marriage, I could sense my husband really loved and cherished me, like a wife longs to be cared for. Hearing my husband opening his heart and hearing how totally broken he was, turned my heart back to him as well. It was not in the same needy way, because I had my own Husband who took care of all my needs, but in a way that made me want to be a good wife. After this unexpected conversation, my EH has been very affectionate and considerate of me and with everyone. He doesn't even look like the same person!

It's not just the way he looks, but how he acts as well. Once he was home, he began taking care of the finances, something I always did. Learning in A Wise Woman that this was a burden wives carry, what I'd always carried, I willingly turned the finances over to him. It was while he was going over past records when he asked me about all the money going to RMI. I was able to tell him how I had learned about the importance of tithing (and that a tithe wasn’t just a small contribution to put in the offering basket at church), how I tithed to where I'd been spiritually fed, and that this was what brought about the changes in me. I told him that since he was now taking care of the finances, if he chose to not tithe, that was fine with me; I wouldn't tithe without his authorization (He was always against my giving to our church, when I used to attend, but I was stubborn and did what I wanted.) To my surprise, he said he wanted us to continue giving our tithe to where I'd found help and that he also wanted to send some money we had in savings, as a thank you to the ministry. To say I was shocked, in awe, cannot describe how stunned I was by how much he had changed.

Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Fiona?

Yes, I recommend all of the RMI materials! I especially encourage women to begin with the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, the RRR Courses, and reading the Daily Encourager. My husband and I are currently going through the Couple’s Course, with me reading through A Wise Woman paperback that sits next to my side of the bed, while my husband is going through A Wise Man that is next to his side of the bed—something I only dreamed could be possible.

My husband said that, as he started reading the workbook, just after the first chapter, everything fell into place, and he was able to see exactly where we’d gone wrong in our marriage. We’d built it on sinking sand. He said that he had destroyed our marriage, in so many ways, and I was able to confess that I had torn our home down, with my very own hands, and I had pushed my husband to be vulnerable to another woman. We hugged and cried, and it was such an edifying moment for both of us. Learning what marriage is meant to be, doing it together!

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Fiona?

Yes for sure! My husband is also keen on encouraging men, maybe couples. We are excited to see what God unfolds.

Either way, Fiona, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

I would like to say to all the women who are going through what I went through to never give up, even when everything seems hopeless because God is acting, even if we see nothing changing. It's showing faith, that is believing what is not seen. If we act depressed and hopeless, then how can God act on our behalf? Our attitude is shouting, "I don't trust You God," and everyone else hears this, too, by our actions and reactions.

If He hasn't restored your marriage, go back through the books and resources, and ask God to show you what you missed, what you chose to ignore. Then, when the right time comes, at His appointed time, when He knows you are ready (because chances are, if you're like me, He's waiting for you to change, for you to put your HH first in your heart), that's when He moves and everything changes! Just believe, and it will happen!

Letting Go is the most important thing; putting your HH first is proof, no longer obsessing and talking about restoration, where your moodiness proves what's still first in your life and heart. When we stop thinking about our husbands and start focusing on what we have, HIM, everything changes instantly! It's God desire to work in our lives, so prove your faith by your behavior, by your actions, by your attitude that you do believe and it will happen!