RESTORED Marriage Testimony: “Show Me What To Do. Please Lead Me”

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, so our readers understand just what a miracle this restoration is.

Ashlee, how did Renata’s restoration actually begin?

This testimony I'm submitting is for a close friend, Renata, a colleague who had been married for many years and has 2 children. We work together. I noticed from one particular comment that she was not well. Upon receiving the news that another coworker had just gotten married, I heard her say, “We all want to marry, but so many find themselves separating...” That’s when I realized that something was wrong. I learned from another colleague that she had left home and was in the process of filing a legal separation from her husband. I felt immediately compelled by the Lord to do something. So, I asked Him, "Just show me what to do. Please lead me."

During my lunch hour, I went to a copier and printed the first chapter of the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage. I asked the Lord to give me the proper opportunity to talk to her and to give me the right words for our conversation. On that same day, the opportunity came. We talked, and I shared what I was going through. Then she opened up, not giving details, but summed up the problem she was experiencing in her marriage. She said that she loved her husband very much and that there was no other man and she had no intention of looking for another man. There was no other woman in her husband's life either. The fact was that she could no longer live with her husband's aggressive temper. According to her, the husband had a very bad heart beside the fact that he had issues with excessive drinking. She shared that her husband's actions alienated the entire family and on several occasions, he exposed her and humiliated her in public especially when he drank.

Fights and humiliations also happened in the presence of their children. She said that her concept of the world was totally different from that of the husband. Because she had a very difficult life, she has learned to help and to pity her neighbor. Her husband, according to her, is a bitter, spiteful, selfish person, unable to help anyone. Her greatest sorrow was that her husband had not accepted her sick father into their home. The father while very weak, was asked to leave her house after her husband told him to get out and her dad never returned. Just three months later her father passed away. It hurt her deeply.

Although she professed to still loving her husband, she was determined to continue the separation because she no longer believed that there would be a change in her husband and she had come to the conclusion that she wanted to be happy. She had suffered all her married life and did not want to stay in a marriage only to continue suffering. She did not want the children to see any more quarrels and humiliations.

How did God change Renata’s situation Ashlee as she sought Him wholeheartedly?

My friend told me, after reading the RYM book that she was willing to fight for her marriage and family. I told her to fight, but only with the spiritual weapons He provides. I told her that God can transform any situation. He works miracles. Even though it appears as a full restoration, I believe she's still at the beginning of the restoration process. The fact that she came home and is willing to trust God is only a small step on the journey she's being called to travel. What I want is to continue to be used by Him to help this family and am so thankful that He continues giving me opportunities to help her by passing on everything that God has said to me in my heart.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Ashlee, did the Lord teach Renata during this trial?

As I talked to her, I was able to share about some principles in the RYM book. First, God told her not to give up on her marriage, that she should not insist or continue trying to change her husband because no one can change the heart of man, only God Himself. And I told her to make a 3x5 card for that verse:

“The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes.” Proverbs 21:1

I told her to not try to figure out what to do or not do, but instead to simply ask Him what to do or say, which is acknowledging He is right there with her and it's how He will guide her. I told her to add this verse to her cards:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:4-6

I told her to have faith in God and to seek a relationship with her Heavenly Husband with all her heart at this moment and forever. I told her only God would bring the peace and joy that she needed to get through this storm. I shared the mistakes I'd made during my journey, mistakes I wanted her to avoid. As I did her eyes filled with tears. I realized that what she had said was true, that it was not a lack of love, but a weariness due to years of struggling in the flesh to transform a situation and her husband. I told her that regardless of her religion (she is Catholic), our God is the God of the impossible, the God who works miracles. Is there anything too hard for God?

Then I opened my Bible to these verses and told her to write them on her cards and underline “with God”:

Matthew 19:26—

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Mark 10:27—

Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God."

Luke 1:37—

"For nothing will be impossible with God."

Luke 18:27—

But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God."

Finally, I asked her to again remember, she needs His love, the love of a Husband in order for her to be healed and comforted. That during the times we women need that so much, she needed that relationship with Him. I told her to write down these two verses on another card:

Psalm 37:4—

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Isaiah 54:4-6—

“Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

“For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

“'For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,' Says your God.”

"Instead of your shame you will have a double portion, and instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion. Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land, Everlasting joy will be theirs. For I, the Lord, love justice, I hate robbery...and I will faithfully give them their recompense and make an everlasting covenant with them. Then their offspring will be known among the nations, and their descendants in the midst of the peoples.”

I told her to underline or highlight each word that confirms He’d heard and will answer her cries for help.

What were the most difficult times that God helped Renata through Ashlee?

For me personally, it was to let go and trust that she needed a relationship with her HH more than with me. I needed to remember that she needed to trust that God would restore her marriage just as I had said and what the book says.

I'm grateful because I learned through the courses and Encourager each day how important it is to make room in our relationships. I would say we're still not close friends, just co-workers. We speak sporadically, and our interactions are mostly professional and work-related. From the moment I delivered the book to her (I ordered a paperback after giving her chapter 1 and then when she said she wanted to read the full book, after I gave her the full eBook), and I told her to focus on God, I gave her room to read the book and let her look for me when she felt like it. I told her that I would be agreeing with her and trusting God for her family to be fully restored. I told her that I was available whenever she needed it and that she could talk to me anytime.

I was careful not to ask or prompt her for details. And one point she began to open up more, but it was clearly revealing her husband's sins, not hers. So, I stopped her and shared the principle of the curse Genesis 9:22–25. Then I shared the example of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 and how she'd shamed her husband and how this resulted in her hurting her own children's future. I told her I'd learned this in another book from RMI, A Wise Woman, and that if she wanted to go through this book, I would order us both copies, so we could study it together.

Ashlee, what was the “turning point” of Renata’s restoration?

Today, almost two months after we talked, she came to me. She said she moved back home to their house two days after reading the RYM book. She said she apologized to her husband for leaving and she said that her change of heart made an impact on how he reacted. This was the first sign that God is working on her behalf. She said they are still in the process of adapting as a couple, different than the way they've ever been before. She said they are talking rather than fighting.

For me, the most exciting thing is that they are reading the books, A Wise Woman, and A Wise Man together and for the first time he went to church with her and the children. Then she said he found a church closer to their home, a church that is not Catholic, but she says she has already heard the pastor quoting verses she has written on her cards. So she said she knows this is God confirming that her husband is going to change and take his place as their family's spiritual leader.

Tell us HOW it happened Ashlee? Did Renata’s husband just walk in the front door? Ashlee, did Renata suspect or could she tell she was close to being restored?

I do not know the specifics of what led her to return home. The fact is that she went back, and I believe I will see the full transformation and restoration of this precious family.

About a week ago, she said that her husband became very ill, but I told her not to pray to God for the cure but rather for God to work His will in her husband’s life. I explained the principle that in some situations God allows suffering to produce brokenness in the heart of man. She concurred that she has noticed a change, a meekness in him, a humility that wasn’t there before.

Would you or Renata recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you minister Ashlee? Or what you know helped Renata the most?

The book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage is tremendous. It was the way God used me to hope again and to sow hope in the lives of other women not just in Renata’s life. As He led me and RMI suggests doing, I simply give chapter 1 of RYM and if I see the heart is open, then I offer more.

As far as Renata, I’ve personally seen and heard her recommending A Wise Woman and A Wise Man to coworkers who are married. She’s been very discreet, not sharing her own marriage difficulties, which is why I believe she hasn’t mentioned the RYM book to anyone.

I would have recommended the online courses, but I knew the only computer she has access to is at work and she doesn’t have a phone capable of doing the courses. But I do recommend the courses to everyone who can do them.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Ashlee? Would Renata?

Yes, I hope to continue to be used by Him and I already can see that He is using Renata to help strengthen and encourage women too.

Either way Ashlee, what kind of encouragement would you or Renata like to leave women with, in conclusion?

This marriage is still in the process of restoration, but it is a restoration since she is home, and I can see that as a couple they are together, walking this journey together as He leads. The fact that she returned home, which was such a huge step, but then went on to allow God to begin to change her husband rather than doing it herself. I know that "He who has begun the good work in this family is Who will complete it!" I believe that God will continue to turn the wilderness of our workplace into springs of water so we all become fruitful in our married lives. I am very thankful because somehow, I know that God used me to bring encouragement to this woman and to help prevent a family from destruction. In the past, I would have said nothing and years ago, I would have been the loudest voice telling her that she should leave her husband.

For someone who has such little fruit in my own restoration, seeing this is a cause of great joy for me! Although my own marriage has not yet been restored, the joy of knowing that I am somehow helping someone comforts me and gives me hope and confirms the Lord's faithfulness in all things. God knew that "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, yes, wait on the Lord.” Psalm 27:13. Now I know that during my wait He has called me and given me the tools from RMI to help many women find hope and help them set off on the right course along their journey. I can't tell you just how this has changed my life.