♕ Today's Promise: "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes." Psalm 119:71
Victoria, how did your restoration actually begin?
My husband and I had problems in the marriage from the beginning. I always criticized him about everything, for me everything he did was wrong and I was right. I tried to talk about our problems and it always ended up in a fight. I always looked for reasons to criticize him, and he’d try to change but no matter what he did I was not happy about it. I felt like a victim, and I suggested to my husband several times that we split up, because I thought we had made a mistake getting married. But he always wanted to work to make things better.
In October, I started to feel depressed all the time, my world revolved around my husband, he was my priority, and not God. In November, I really concluded that I was in a true depression, and I became even more dependent on knowing what my husband was doing on his social networks, accusing him of things that had no meaning, that I just imagined. My husband emotionally distanced himself from me, and he no longer cared when I fought with him, he didn't try to change as before. Anyway, I asked for a divorce, because the lies in my head took over and consumed me, but what I didn't expect to happen, happened! My husband accepted the divorce, he didn't try to change my mind like he had done before. I ran out of ground, where to run to next and tried to start another fight, reminding him of several things he had already done and also hinting at several things that I’d long forgotten. Then, the biggest shock came, my husband told me that he didn't love me anymore!
This catapulted me into a mad woman, I acted like I shouldn't have acted, I screamed, I fell to the floor proving I was the victim, I accused him, but he didn't care anymore. During this time I decided I was going to kill myself, because I didn't want to live, I couldn’t accept what was happening in my life, but something always stopped me and it was God. Hallelujah! Glory to Him because, Lord, Your promises have been fulfilled in my life.
After this episode, I went to spend a few days with my mother-in-law. To stop me from killing myself, my husband reluctantly had said he would give our marriage one more chance. While there I begged and manipulated him so much, we ended up fighting even more and reaching the conclusion (with the help of my mother-in-law) that we should separate for a time, and I should leave. I cried all day and couldn't stop thinking about it, until God took me to Psalm 119, and while I was reading God brought me hope. I was not looking for hope, because it seemed impossible to me, but as I was reading that day God gave me that Word, and spoke to my heart. I told my husband that I didn't want to be separated anymore, he didn't agree, but he welcomed me home again anyway.
How did God change your situation, Victoria, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
On the day I read Psalm 119, I went to the bathroom and prayed to the Lord asking Him to deliver me from all depression, for I knew that He alone had all the power to heal me and deliver me from what held me to these horrible thoughts of death. There I decided to give myself to the Lord, to die to myself so that He might live in me. I asked for forgiveness for all my sins and began to seek the Lord. That night, for the first time in months, I managed to sleep well, I had no insomnia. Then, I realized that God heard me and was answering my prayer.
I started reading Christian books on marriage and applying what I read, it started to transform me. My husband picked me up at my mother-in-law's house, and when we got home, he was very cold and distant. During the whole drive, he told me he was not happy being with me, and he would never be, that I should stop and think that maybe God didn't want us to be together because otherwise, we would not be going through all of this. Of course, it hurt me, but I knew it was the enemy lying to him. I insisted on talking to him about our marriage, how we could make it better, when all he wanted was for me to leave.
One day I was on the internet looking for testimonies of restored marriages when a testimony caught my attention. She was talking about the book How God can and will restore your marriage so I immediately looked for it and started reading it. When I started reading the book, God broke me and showed me everything I had done wrong in my marriage and what I was still doing wrong. I asked God for forgiveness and started applying the principles of the book in my life. As I did this, I saw God transforming my husband. He started telling me that he knew that God's will was for us to stay together, but he still didn't feel anything for me. My husband no longer tried to hurt me, and when he did he apologized. I flung myself at the Lord's feet over and over. I felt the love of God in my life and no longer argued with my husband, just being quiet brought back peace to our home and relationship. Every day God renewed His strength, joy, and peace in my heart and I learned to be content in every situation.
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Victoria, did the Lord teach you during this trial?
All the principles I learned from the Word of God and the resources of the RMI I applied to my life. But it was essential to "let go" of my husband, to get out of his way so that he had space and breathing room. Once I did that the hate-wall fell, and we started to have a friendship. He told me that he was already happy with me at home, but that he still didn't want to be with me.
Another fundamental principle was to acknowledge my mistakes to my husband and ask for forgiveness, something I have never done since we were married. I confessed my sins to him, and to the people to whom I had spoken ill of about my husband. I asked for forgiveness and told everyone the mistakes I had in the marriage, assuming total guilt.
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Victoria?
The most difficult times were when my husband said that he did not love me, that he would not be happy living with me because his happiness was by not being with me. When he said that he wanted me to leave, and that he did not plan to be with another, but probably it would someday happen and I should be prepared.
It distressed me a lot, but I talked to God and everything passed, it disappeared as if it had never been said. God enveloped my heart with His love and grace, and gave me more and more of Him so I could forgive my husband. In all of these moments, I was strengthened by the Word of God, and I stood firm on my journey with Him because He did not leave me alone. At no time did He leave my side, He was true to His each of His promises! Hallelujah! Praise the name of the Lord for this and so much more!!
Victoria, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
When I returned home, God led me to fast for 21 days. In my heart, I knew He ordered this, and I obeyed. In those 21 days, God led me to stay away from all social networks and soap operas, which were an addiction for me.
When my fast was about to end, God put in front of me all my sins and the mistakes I'd made during our marriage and used me to confess this to my husband. So I did, I obeyed the Lord, even though I thought the consequence would not be very good. My husband was angry but said he forgave me. He ended up telling me about some of his mistakes during those times when we were separated, but said he still had more. In my mind, I concluded that it was an OW. I prayed to God to get it out of my mind, but if it was true, that He would bring out the whole truth and prepare me to forgive.
The next day God showed me that I had forgotten to tell my husband one of my sins, because I thought it was less important. But I ended up confessing to my husband because I wanted to be obedient to God, and what was least important to me was not a small thing for my husband. He was very, very angry, he yelled at me a lot and at the end of everything, because of his anger, he confessed that he had betrayed me, in order to hurt me, which he had denied until that day. I was prepared, and I said I forgave him, even when my husband said he didn't regret it.
Anyway, I totally let my husband go and told Him that I was going to leave him alone, not because he had betrayed me, but because I didn't want to get in his way. I told him that I wanted to see him happy, and I didn't want to get in his way. I gave everything to God and asked that His will be done in this whole situation, that He would take me where He wanted and take care of my husband.
The next day, when my husband and I went to bed, my husband said that he admired my attitude of having asked for forgiveness from everyone to whom I had shamed him, and said that I was very strong for putting up with everything I was going through. Then, he started to cry and asked me for forgiveness for all the words he had said the night before, he said that he was sorry for being with the OW, and that it was just a kiss, that he'd led me to believe it was more because he wanted to hurt me. Then he said that he was confused by this whole situation, that he had seen my change, and that he wanted to be with me, but at the same time he was afraid of our future.
Tell us HOW it happened, Victoria? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Victoria, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
At the end of the 21-day fast, I gave everything to the Lord, and the next day I was going to leave. It ended up going wrong for me to leave, my husband ended up arguing with my brother about it and I was a little distressed with this whole situation. My husband was working and said he wouldn't take me to the bus station that day, and when he got home we were going to talk. He came home and I didn't ask anything, I waited for him to say something.
We left to grab dinner, and on the way we got into the subject of my brother having a fight with him, I was upset about it and I ended up venting about it, and saying that he should also understand my brother, then I asked his forgiveness for saying something that hadn't pleased him. After that, he said he was going to change some things. When we got home, he hugged me and kissed me. I said I was confused by that, so he told me that he didn't want me to leave. Since that day he never brought up the subject of me leaving, nor have I, and said he wanted us to work to make our marriage work. I praise God that even when I fell, He was faithful and kind to me, turning my husband's heart and using it to put my husband in the place of being my spiritual leader.
This happened in late December, and I continued to remain steadfast in my new marriage. It has been much more difficult for me since my husband "took me back", but I have remained in God. At the end of January, my husband again said that he loves me, another prayer answered, like all of them God is always faithful and answers all prayers!
Now, I wait on God for my husband to be in His presence again and to want Him more than he wants a good marriage. And I praise Him because I know that He has all the power to do that!
My marriage has been better than it has ever been. My husband has been very affectionate, loving, and kind to me and our children, as he has never been. God brought balance to our marriage the moment I became humble and my husband stepped into the position of being our spiritual leader. We are very, very happy together, and because God is for us it doesn't matter what comes against us!
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Victoria?
I recommend the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage, each of the RMI courses, read the Praise Reports daily, which was what I used most to keep myself stronger along with devouring the Word of God and in constant prayer with thanksgiving. They all helped me to remain steadfast in my hope and certainly guided me to reach my restoration. God used this ministry to restore not only my marriage but my sanity and my relationship with my HH.
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Victoria?
Certainly, of course. I ask Him to guide me every day to reach out and tell people about hopeatlast and share my testimonies, so that other people who go through situations like mine can find hope.
Either way, Victoria, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Never give up on your marriage, however impossible it may seem, for God nothing is impossible. He is our only hope, and believe that He does want your marriage to be restored, even if everything seems to shout otherwise. He is guiding you into the desert to show you His love and transform you so that you can enjoy an abundant life in Him, and a marriage based on His Word.
God is calling you to be His bride, and for that, He needs you in the desert land for a while to be alone with Him. But, as soon as you are ready He will restore your marriage. So, move ahead on your journey, wait on the Lord and see victory coming in His hands!
"And that’s not all. We also celebrate in seasons of suffering because we know that when we suffer we develop endurance, which shapes our characters. When our characters are refined, we learn what it means to hope and anticipate God’s goodness. And hope will never fail to satisfy our deepest need because the Holy Spirit that was given to us has flooded our hearts with God’s love." Romans 5:3-5
Learn to be content with the situation in which the Lord placed you, for it was necessary for me to have been afflicted so that I could learn the decrees of the Lord (Psalm 119:71), and love Him with all my heart as He longs for you to do. Today I praise You, my Beloved, for all that You have done in my life and in my marriage, and for the transformation that I see happening every day in my husband. Dear bride, believe, God is faithful!
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