♕Today's Promise: “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.” Revelation 2:4-5
Emillia, how did your Restoration Journey actually begin?
The great truth is that I started to build my house in the sand. During the whole courtship, I had told my earthly husband Luke that I would put his last name, but when I handed over the documents to the registry office, I went back. I kept my parents' last name. On our wedding day, I told Luke a lie, following the instruction of my mother-in-law, who told me that if I didn't, it would spoil our honeymoon. Of course, these two striking facts were used against me later.
Luke went into a deep depression and I heard all the lies that he would only get better if he sought the help of a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Instead of asking the Lord for help, I urged Luke so much to look for these professionals that he ended up going. So he started to question everything around him, but mainly about how to achieve “happiness”. He went on to do everything he thought he stopped doing, out of fear or lack of courage, no matter the consequences.
Scared and trying to keep him from making the wrong or rash decisions, we fought a lot. I became a person who got in his way. With almost 7 years of marriage, we had such a bad fight that Luke left me on the street at night alone. When we both got home, he told me that he was rethinking our marriage and that I should pray about it.
Luke told me that he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't see a future with me anymore, that he didn't want to have children with me and that he wanted to divorce me. I found myself in the valley of the shadow of death, alone and desperate. My world had fallen. The pain was so much, I suffered so much, that I asked the Lord to take me. I didn't have the courage to take my life, because I knew it was a sin, but I wanted to die.
We still lived together, but in an environment full of emotional aggression, blame transfers, anger and contempt. And everything I did to try to save my marriage just didn't work. I only made things worse and fed his certainty in wanting a divorce! He gradually told friends and relatives and it was all coming to an end! I tore down my house with my bare hands!
How did God change your situation, Emillia, as you sought Him wholeheartedly?
I was born into a Christian home and was saved when I was 7 years old. So I sought God, because I knew this was the work of the enemy. But I didn't understand why this was happening. From my Bible readings, I knew that God hates divorce. So why was I going through all this? I looked for friends, my parents, a psychologist and even pastors to help me. Nothing went right, of course. In my anxiety, I started searching the internet for various materials on how to restore my marriage, because I didn't want a divorce.
The Lord guided me to the Restore Ministries International (RMI) website in Portuguese. I devoured the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage (Erin Thiele) and my answers began to come in, including why. The Lord said to me: “But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; if not, I will soon come to you, and I will remove your candlestick from its place, unless you repent.” (Revelation 2:4-5 NIV).
Wow… That hard truth came like a punch to the stomach and a slap to my face. I knew that I had put Luke, my job, and my own needs above Him. The Lord was the last priority in my life. And I was a Pharisee, a liar, contentious and rebellious. I had learned what most of my generation learned: "be independent", "women don't have to stay at home", "do what you want", "take care of your self-esteem" and so many other things…
But along with that awful truth, He made me an incredible promise: “And if my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sins, and I will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV).
With a truly broken heart, I finally surrendered and let my Lord become my HEAVENLY HUSBAND (HH)! He was talking to me about love and I was learning and applying each of the principles that are in the book and in the RMI courses, at my own pace. I stumbled a lot and had to be refined over and over again. But with a lot of patience, my Dear HH transformed me! Little by little, the change became visible to Luke and the wall of hate came down. Hallelujah! It's not easy. The door is very narrow. But He promised that He would be with me on this journey!
What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), did the Lord teach you during this trial, Emillia?
By reading the books “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” and “A Wise Woman” (both by Erin Thiele), I learned about several principles! I will mention the 3 that I had the most difficulty:
1) Meek and quiet spirit --> I was contentious, quarrelsome, contentious. I wanted everything my way. I was not submissive to Luke. I believed in the lies of gender equality, female independence, and that if we were going to have a good marriage, I needed to discuss the relationship. In addition to arguing about “normal” things, I was still confronting the sins of Luke. Because we were both Christians, everything I found in the Bible I told him and pointed out his sins. But I myself did not see my own sins. Or worse, hid them. I was a Pharisee. Of course, in addition to being useless, every argument and confrontation raised the wall of hate. What I really needed was to pray to let go of Luke, while I corrected my ways myself. Gradually, I became this woman with a meek and quiet spirit. In fact, this will be an ongoing exercise, even after the restoration!
2) Seek God (SG) first, in all things --> I have always sought to be independent, self-sufficient. So I did everything according to my own will or my own strength. So, to Seek God in everything, especially in a situation that our carnal eyes think is “urgent,” was particularly difficult. But I had the opportunity to be blessed in many situations, especially those where I needed to be submissive, even though I knew it wasn't right. The Lord took care of my provisions and deliverances! Hallelujah!
3) Letting go --> For me, it was relatively easy not to browse social media or ask Luke where he was going or when he was coming back. But that, only when compared to letting go of my marriage. I mean, yes, I wanted restoration. But only when you give up absolutely everything to submit to the Lord's will, including the restoration, and do whatever He wants... And want only the Lord... Ah, what a deliverance! Then yes, I could understand what true abundant life is!
What were the most difficult times that God helped you through, Emillia?
When Luke started spreading the word that we were separated, it was terrible! I felt ashamed and humiliated. Either people felt sorry for me, or they thought I was crazy for still wanting to be with Luke. My brother was very angry, because Luke was his best friend mistreating his sister…
Another difficult moment was when Luke went to sleep in another room. He left without telling me where he was going and when he was coming back. I felt alone, helpless and abandoned. Not even on my birthday did he speak to me. He just texted me, half congratulations, half fights. It was horrible.
Emillia, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?
Once I was able to learn and apply the principles, the wall of hate between me and Luke finally came down. I learned this when he spent more time at home and was helpful and kind to me. He saw my behavior in the meeting with the divorce lawyer and was surprised by my meek and quiet spirit, which only my HH could give me. When he filed the divorce papers, he was already in doubt, but he went ahead.
With the divorce date approaching, I knew I would have to move house. So my HH gave me the opportunity to ask Luke for just one weekend to pack my things and leave for my parents' house, while finding a place of my own. Until then, Luke hadn't “turned on” that he wouldn't have me go anymore. He was desperate! He didn't sleep well and asked me 3 times to stay at home, even divorced, with the excuse of helping with the household expenses. But I said no, as there was no longer any reason for us to live together.
Also, with the knowledge of the truth, I dismissed my psychologist and also the couples therapist. We went to the last session and I started the session by thanking them for their help and saying that it was the last day, because the divorce was scheduled and there was no need for us to go anymore. The therapist was startled, but the Lord used her to tell me and Luke that she still saw us as a couple. This reinforced Luke’s restlessness and despair.
Tell us HOW it happened, Emillia? Did Luke just walk in the front door? Emillia, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?
I asked the Lord that, if it was His will, he would not allow divorce. But the day came and I was just walking in faith. It was a Thursday when we went to the registry office. I woke up happy that day... I was confident that even if He didn't stop the divorce until the papers were signed, it was still best for me. My HH was working for me, I had no doubts!
Me and Luke went together by car, since we still lived together. Luke was affectionate and it was showing that his heart was heavy. He held my thigh as he drove, which took me by surprise, because he hadn't done that in ages... But even though I was going to get divorced, I was happy! It was the Lord embracing and comforting me. There was nothing that could explain the peace I was feeling. And that confused Luke a lot…
I had a glimmer of hope that the Lord would stop it at the last minute, but we signed the papers. But that was okay, because I knew that if the Lord had allowed it, it was because He had a plan! I was so happy that Luke showed surprise at this. My now former husband (FH) had already taken off his ring, but he didn't ask me to take mine off. So I was wearing my ring until the divorce, as indicated by the RMI courses.
It was time to take off the ring, but the Lord guided me to do it only in the car, on the way home. My FH was driving when I took it off. He ended up missing the way back because he paid attention to what I was doing…
I started to pack for my move, but Luke didn't want to see it. He asked me not to do this while he was home, because it hurt him. I complied not out of submission, but because I knew he was suffering. I had compassion for him. On Saturday morning I had everything ready and I prepared one last breakfast for him. He said that this was very sad and that he was anxious. I felt like crying. Didn't want me to leave. He even helped me move to my parents' house and, in the evening, by message, asked if I was still praying for us. At that moment, I suspected that restoration was near. But honestly, it didn't make me anxious. I was enjoying the closeness with my HH and my parents.
On Monday, he called me to talk. He apologized, told me what was going on and asked us to get back together. I forgave him and just 4 days after the divorce we reconciled. HALLELUJAH! TO GOD ALL HONOR AND GLORY!!!
I didn't move in with him right away because we were officially divorced. He even tried to reverse the divorce, but it was not possible. He really wanted me to come home right away, but I knew that if I did, it would be hard not to be intimate. When he realized that nothing would make me come home until we were legally married, he went after our remarriage, which took place 3 months after our reconciliation! And finally, I was able to submit to Luke and put his last name on mine. Hallelujah!!!
Beloved, restoration does not happen the same way for everyone. In my case, the journey is not over yet. There are still things the Lord needs to change in me. But I know that my God is greater than any obstacle I may have. Nothing is impossible for him! And all I really need is the Lord, my Heavenly husband, the first in my life!!!
Would you recommend any of our resources in particular that helped you, Emillia?
All RMI materials helped me immensely! I started by reading the books “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” and “A Wise Woman”, but the courses, the other books and the videos are the bridge that the Lord has prepared for all of us, so that we don't walk in the desert. In circles! Take possession of this wonderful material that the Lord has prepared for us, His brides!
Would you be interested in helping encourage other women, Emillia?
Yes sure! After all, He has a purpose for each of us! The Ministry of Reconciliation is an honor and a gift!
Either way, Emillia, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?
Beloved... I know it's hard. As it is written in Matthew 7:13-14: "Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. As the gate is narrow and the way narrow. that leads to life! There are few who find it”.
But even if it is difficult, if you humble yourself before the Lord, if you pray to Him, if you seek the Lord in all things and turn from your evil ways, be sure that He will hear you, He will forgive you and He will take care of you. you!!! Amen?
